Bekhsoos's picture

Call for Applications: 5th CSBR Sexuality Institute 2012 (Deadline May 20!)

The 5th CSBR Sexuality Institute 2012 will be taking place on September 18-23, 2012, in Alexandria, Egypt. Deadline for Submissions: May 20, 2012.

Dear Ann Romney

Dear Ann Romney,

Hello! Recently you have been out in the public telling folks that you understand the struggles of women. Women in America that are not you.That you love the mother that has no choice but to work. Your quote does not seem any better in context. And yet, in your national tour, you still do not understand me.

You and me, we have some things in common. We are both women in America. We both suffer the indignities of living in a culture that is still short of valuing either of us as equals. We are both mothers in a culture that does not value the work of raising our young.


Opiate Crackdown... Again.

So the New York Times has written about the newest opiate prescription crackdown. This will come as no surprise, but a deep burden, to pain patients everywhere. Like life with the kind of pain that gets opiate attention is not already hard enough.

I know that my life is not indicative of all lives, and that my experience is not universal. But it is already hard enough, dammit. I already have to schedule, attend, and pay for doc visits I do not need (as opposed to the many I do need) in order to "check in" on my pain script. I have already mentioned several times that it is no longer cutting it, and we are going to have to find something better that still leaves some upward mobility in this area for the rest of my life.

Gimpy Gamer: Leela

Does a meditation game really work?

I just played Deepak Chopra's Leela on an XBox 360 Kinect And I think it works.

Leela is kind of a experiment, in my view, an attempt to game-ify meditation practices. There are sections that are more active, Play, and more introspective, Reflect. Completing levels unlocks new ones, and the ones completed become deeper upon replay.

Dear Bill Maher


Originally posted on (in)visible

       i've had some time to reflect on my recent positive experience with the word "it" used as a pronoun for me. i've done a lot of thinking and talking about this, trying to make sense of it.

       First off, the context was really important; hopefully this fact is obvious. i was in a conversation with some (self-identified) middle-aged cisgender lesbians. they'd approached me and asked me about the possibility of non-binary genders. They asked me, a decisively visibly queer person, in an incredibly respectful and interested way. One of them said, " When we first saw you, we weren't sure if you were a boy or a girl... and I liked that; I didn't care. I told my partner, 'He's attractive. She's attractive. It's attractive."

       As i was correcting her out of habit, i realized that in that moment "it" felt right. "It" felt right in a way i'd never felt before. i know that the queer people closest to me get my unique and personal conception of my gender but, beyond that tiny circle of folks, i feel that some part of myself is rendered invisible. i'm either a man to people, which is way the fuck off, or "just a woman," or even "just a trans-woman."

plain donuts and the normalization of normalization

Originally posted on (in)visible

       Today at work—i work at a coffee shop—someone asked me for a donut. However, she (i read her as a she, and will own that) didn’t simply as for “a donut.” She asked for “a plain donut.” This is where the challenge ensued.

       Now, i knew exactly which donut she wanted. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in my mind, and, for the record, i ended up being right. But i have a bone to pick with the concept of “plain/normal/regular.” Fortunately, in my line of work, there are literally hundreds of opportunities to pose challenges to this way of thinking.

       So i drug the moment out. It could have been over in a flash of money and smiles; i could have sent her on her merry way quite easily. But i chose not to. i pretended not to know what she meant. “Which one?” i asked.

       “The plain one,” she repeated herself as if the issue were one of decibel level instead of clarification.

       “i don’t know what’s ‘plain’ to you, that’s very subjective,” i began playfully. “This one is covered in powdered sugar, is it ‘plain?’ What about the frosted ones, those look pretty ‘plain’ to me. Then, of course, you’d have to choose what’s more ‘plain,’ black or white?” i framed with a wry smile.

A Day Without

I was not going to write today. Today is a day without. If you are on any kind of regular medication, you know what that means. If you are on pain medication, you know exactly what I mean. I am managing: keeping as busy as I can, my mind as off of it as is possible, and simply riding it out when those fail. 

We filed taxes today, which meant talking to a stranger about being officially disabled. And of course, because I look the way I do, I get the look - of just enough socially acceptable disbelief without out and out accusing me of fraud. And I just sat there, paralyzed by all the available options of anger and ranting and pontificating stretching out before me, knowing I could touch none of them if I wanted my taxes done today. And the moment passed as quickly as it came, with no acknowledgement that it had even occurred.

Hell if pain meds are not a double edged sword. Without them, I am more alert, more bright, more capable of feeling. But with that comes not - because the thing I am most alert to, feeling the most, is pain. And not a practical, productive pain - no, a lingering, heavy, valueless pain. We put up with, even court, pain for certain reasons: athletic excellence, child birth, rights of passage. There is pain for good reason.

arvan's picture

Lady Vixion: T-Lables and Beyond

What does transgender mean. Opinion on the word Tranny. SOPA/PIPA

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

I Want to Start an Advice Column!

I want to start a weekly advice column on Cuntlove. Not just any advice column, because let’s face it, I might not hold the magic key that will solve all your problems or answer all your questions. I do, however, believe that we can all benefit from getting certain things out there in the open and having a discussion, so consider this more of an interactive advice column where people write in to Cuntlove about a certain subject, and we use that as a starting point to have a discussion, and maybe give each other some helpful advice along the way.

If you’ve got something on your mind, or if you’d like to start a dialogue going on a particular subject send it your questions and comments to or you can simply use this contact form.

Also, if you’ve got your personal website, feel free to copy the above banner and publish it on your blog with a link to this site. It would be really awesome if you helped spread the word.

I’ve already gotten a couple responses, so hopefully I’ll have this thing up and running by next week (I’m thinking of doing it every Thursday). I can’t wait to see what people write in to talk about and what you all will have to add on the subject. Let’s make this happen!

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