Olga Wolstenholme's picture

A Liberating Moan

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the last few posts have all been about masturbation. That might have to do with the fact that I read Betty Dodson’s book Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving over the holidays and I pretty much earmarked a dozen pages that gave me a bunch of ideas to write about. For those of you who don’t know anything about Betty Dodson, I recommend that you check this lady out. She pretty much revolutionized the idea of masturbation. She was a pioneer, my friends, and she’s still going strong.

I was walking home from my local pub the other night when a friend and I stopped in front of the window of a vintage shop. I had noticed an action figure of Steve Urkel. Fascinated by this icon from my childhood, we got to talking about the show that made Urkel a household name: Family Matters. This is back in the day, when ABC played a line-up of family oriented sitcoms every Friday night. TGIF, people!

My friend was telling me about how he used to watch Family Matters every Friday with his Mom and his girlfriend, but that him and his girlfriend would go upstairs halfway through the show to have sex. Now, if there’s something to learn about having sex or masturbating in your parents home it is how to be QUIET! I don’t know about you, but the walls at my Mom’s house were pretty darn thin and the idea of anyone I’m related to hearing me climax is an unsavory thought.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Guilt and Arousal?

Do you ever find yourself physically aroused by something you mentally find repulsive? Let me put it another way, have you ever burst out laughing during a funeral precisely because that is exactly what you are NOT supposed to do? Have you ever thought about your dad or your mom right when you are about to get it on, because that is the exact thought you do NOT want to associate with sex? Well, maybe you haven’t, but I know I have and I’m pretty confident I’m not the only person out there who has “inappropriate” thoughts or “inappropriate” physical reactions to certain things.

Someone I know recently sent me a link to a NY Times article entitled What Do Women Want? Now, forget the title. It’s horrible (I think) and it certainly doesn’t begin to illustrate what the article is about, which is: Meredith Chivers conducted research in which she showed people of varying gender and sexual orientation a variety of video clips that portrayed various levels of intimacy between people of varying gender and sexual orientation, including a video clip of Apes going at it. Now, while her subjects were watching these videos they were asked to indicate their level or arousal while the flow of blood to their genitals was simultaneously monitored.

Now, the interesting part is that, for the most part, the levels of arousal that the men indicated they were feeling were congruent with the actual signs of arousal in their genitals. Meaning if a straight man indicate he was less aroused when shown a video clip of men engaged in sexual activity , there were no discrepancies in the findings. The same went for a gay man who was watching two woman getting it on. If they claimed to not be aroused, their limp dicks told the same story. When it came to women, the results were a little more all over the place. In the sense that their level of arousal wasn’t always in line with what they claimed to be aroused by. A straight girl might say that she was less aroused by watching two women go at it, but the blood flow to her genitals may have told another story. As for the results in regards to the ape porn, women again were the ones to claim to not find themselves turned on, but still had an increase in blood flow to their genitals, which would indicate a discrepancy between what one THINKS is a turn on and what IS an actual turn on. Whether this indicates that men are generally more truthful about their bodies reactions or are simply more in tune with the ways in which arousal will manifests itself in their bodies is unclear.

book of blue's picture

In the Erodome

This is the second part in a series, inspired by life inside the 2009 Burning Man Poly Paradise.  The first part can be viewed here.

Opening Space

Lucille in the Erodome. Photo by Eric Francis.

Let’s see if I can describe my immediacy of the experience.  One thing I know is that in embarking on this journey with her I surrendered any of my presumed male prerogative to fuck her.  This is a subtle shift, and it’s only barely conscious.  It’s about space; the nature of the space, which includes a woman dropping her guard and opening her body and her energy all the way. 

I did not ‘give her her space’, but rather affirmed it.  She gave it to herself – as you’ll see, she is adept at creating her reality, and in the process, demonstrating what is possible when we let go of inhibitions.  I held my mind open to embrace her freedom and witness her beauty as something entirely her own.  I provided an opening within myself, another way of saying that I surrendered control.  From there I let her work her miracle of opening, of abolishing any regret of existence.

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