asexuality

Bekhsoos's picture

Dirty Mouth: The Politics of Sex Talk in Public Spaces

I am a dirty mouth who needs to be silenced.

This is what constitutes my parents’ most profound struggle when, before our family Sundays, they remind me every time to “watch it”, keep my mouth shut, and smile. It also must be what my college teachers think of me in the back of their heads when they shake it in reprobation, calling me twisted and other equally dismissive verdicts that always start with: “You need help”. Even among my lesbian friends, I’m always “too much”. Putting aside the fact that I might be too intense, I am a dirty mouth not because I curse a lot or lose myself in interminable gossip sessions – far from that. I am a dirty mouth because I am vocal about sex.

So how do people talk about sex? In medical terms, of course, where sex becomes a necessitous act leading to reproduction for the perpetuation of the species, therefore a post-marital worry. When not explicit, it is hidden and normalized under masks of broader manifests of sexuality, such as inappropriate compliments in the work place and pick-up lines in the streets, otherwise known as “toltish”. However, when the “dirty” side of sex is tackled – that type of sex which only belongs to sheer, “immoral pleasure”, sex talkers find innovative ways to express themselves in complex, poetic terms. The use of extensive metaphors in order to avoid a direct statement suddenly becomes a piece of cake: We did “it”. She wanted to “eat me” but I said no. She still made me “happy” with her “tools”.

arvan's picture

Call for Papers: Asexuality Studies

Asexuals are commonly defined as “a person who does not experience sexual attraction” and research estimates their prevalence at 1% of the population. Asexuality has been the subject of increasing media attention, with some high profile television and popular press coverage. This attention has stimulated academic interest in asexuality and considerable research is being conducted in a number of disciplines.

This volume will be an edited book focusing on all aspects of asexuality and the asexual community. It will collect cutting-edge research across all areas relating to this topic with the intention of constituting the foundational text for the burgeoning field of asexuality studies.

Papers are welcome from any discipline and on any topic relating to asexuality.

Possible topics include:

- Identifying as asexual
- Experiences of living as asexual
- Social history of the asexual community
- Diversity within the asexual community
- Asexuality and the Internet
- Asexuality and romantic relationships
- Asexuality and wider sexual culture
- Medicalization of a/sexuality

If you have any questions or would like to discuss a submission, please contact m.a.carrigan@warwick.ac.uk

Submissions Due May 2011

Up to 8000 words

arvan's picture

New Support Blog For Sexual Partners of Asexuals

This announcement over at Apositive.org came out, highlighting a new site for those in relationship with someone identifying as asexual.  Looks interesting and I hope it takes off.  There are probably a great deal of folks that can identify with this. -a

Well, I've finally done it! Looking around the Internet last week, I could find absolutely no support organizations for sexuals in long-term relationships with asexuals. So, I started one! I launched the site on March 12, 2010. The web site can be found at: http://www.spasupport.org.

"Sexual Partners of Asexuals" may sound like an oxymoron. This phrase refers to individuals who would consider themselves to be "sexual," yet find theselves in a long-term relationship with an "asexual." Such relationships can be highly problematic, resulting in tremendous stress, frustration, and hardship for both the sexual and the asexual partner. Given that there are numerous support organizations for asexuals, the spasupport organization is dedicated to providing support to the sexual partner within a sexual-asexual relationship.

This is done in a context that recognizes asexuality as a sexual orientation, and in an environment that provides both sexuals and asexuals dignity and respect.

Mercedes Allen's picture

Risky Thinking: The Implications of Sex and Gender Minority Advocacy

(My apologies for self-quoting so much here, but this article brings together some threads made before, and therefore need to be linked)

We're experiencing an interesting moment, even if it sometimes brings heavier negative $#!t than we've ever expected.  As a transsexual during the societal coming-out of transsexuality, it's kind of one of those rare glimpses within the split second of the rite of passage from obscurity to awareness.  Of course, it's longer than a split second relative to our own lives -- gays and lesbians made this transition in the early 1970s and are still not completely past the repercussive effect -- but it's still a moment on the cusp of a revolution, where we can look forward at those who trod the path toward acceptance, and then back at those who hide in the shadows, wishing to follow.

At this moment, several different subcommunities are self-defining to the point of excluding others, sometimes vilifying and refusing to associate with them, all in the name of determining their own identity.  We've seen it before, I detailed a lot of how the transsexual vs. transgender rifts forming mimic the self-defining-to-exclusion that occurred in other minority groups in "Rocky Horror and the Holy Grail" and won't reopen that here.  But one thing I've kept hearing is about how trans is the "last great unprotected minority" and that kind of thinking boggles my mind.  Because in stepping back and looking at this from a perspective of sex and gender minorities, it seems to me that we are only just starting to come out.  And if we can't learn from those previous mistakes, we risk repeating the mistakes of the past in a tragic way.

Cerberus's picture

A Note to My Metamour

One year ago today, the structure of my life and my relationship changed rather fundamentally.

arvan's picture

Asexuality: If I liked you, what would I do?

My discovery of asexuality begins with irony. I had a really huge crush on a friend of mine- all of my friends knew I liked him, and were totally perplexed when I spent an entire year not doing anything about it. Finally, just before he moved away, I got the courage to tell him- but then he asked a question I’ll never forget: “If I liked you, what would you do?” (theimpossiblek) AVEN

Life sure is interesting.  It turns out that people with no sexual desire at all are fighting many of the same battles as people who wish to be respected for participating in BDSM, or Fur fandom: they want to be respected for whom they define themselves as. 

The first thing I thought is: how can I attract people to write about asexual living?  Simple answer: beg and plead!

I am looking for anyone willing to share your experience of asexuality at this site, as an access to greater understanding and respect.  Please, register and share with us all, so that we may know you in your own words. 

In the meantime, while you are doing that, the rest of us will watch this nifty video from Montel Williams, on asexuality:

 

Syndicate content
Powered by Drupal, an open source content management system