the gay love coach's picture

Boundaries for You & Your Guy


Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired? Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we've all been there.

Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won't accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives. When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one's life.

Not only do we have self-imposed boundaries, but boundaries also pertain to our relationships. A healthy relationship is comprised of two men with a solid sense of self and identity. Boundaries help protect the partners of a couple from abuse or outside influences of others. They help create a sense of security in the partnership, allowing safe communication of needs and feelings between the partners that helps to solidify a positive connection and intimacy. Boundaries help cement what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate conduct both within and outside the context of being a couple and help to define who you are and what you stand for as life partners.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Stranger Grabs Boob Out of Nowhere

I stopped over at a friend’s house last night on my way home from my local pub. It was late and although I was stone cold sober the three guys I was with where drunk as hell. I didn’t really know the other two guys, but it never even crossed my mind that I might be entering a precarious situation.

Turns out, one of the guys is a huge fan of my blog, which kind of made me a little uncomfortable in the sense that I was suddenly aware that this person knew a lot of private information about me and that besides the fact that he’s my friend’s roommate’s best friend, I knew absolutely nothing about him.

He was in one of those drunken states where you lose certain basic social skills and start invading other people’s personal spaces much too easily and much too often. Frankly, even if one of my very good friend’s does that, I feel uncomfortable. I like my space dammit and some people just don’t get to enter it, and if you are allowed to you should view that as a privilege.

fugitivus's picture

Trans stuff

Hi! Time for a welcome post!

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