cheating

Alex Karydi's picture

Lesbian Infidelity

Sitting on the edge of the bed, listening, to words without sound that only provoke horrific images of scenes that you never wanted to wonder, in your mind you're trapped.

There is nothing more painful, other then death to hear that the person you are in love with and want, telling you they have had an affair or were intimate with another.  We hear the stories and at times we even are witness to the betrayal, but we never want to venture to think it could ever happen to us “me, no, we have something special and I would know right away.”

A friend once told me, that it been so long since her girlfriend had touched her that she just thought it was stress and the natural progression of a relationship to stop being passionate, so when she came home to find her girlfriend on the steps and her car packed, she felt confused.  In hind sight, she said she should have seen the signs, but I told “how could you? Who wants to see that coming?” she smiled and gently respond “it would have been nice to prepare for the pain.” 

I guess it is very similar to a natural disaster, we hear the alarms and sirens ringing, but really there is no way to hide or know the damage it will make. We can think we are prepared, but until we see the destruction we really just don’t know.

Feelings of abandonment, distress, shame, and anger take over and recovery seems so faraway and beyond repair that part of our spirit is left behind forever. The number of Lesbian couples affected by infidelity is unknown, again there is little research or studies are done in this area; however, we know that it something that affects us deeply and the lack of support from society and our community has a great impact on our healing or lack of.

the gay love coach's picture

When a Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair for Gay Couples; Part 1

Introduction

Nothing destroys the foundation of trust and security in a relationship quite like infidelity does. The gay community at large tends to accept more liberal forms of sexual expression. Without social norms precluding what’s sexually appropriate or not in the context of an intimate relationship, gay men are in a position to choose for themselves the role sex plays in their relationships. As such, most gay couples develop a “relationship contract” of sorts as they begin to merge their lives together about monogamy vs. non-monogamy. For those couples who have agreed to be monogamous, a partner’s affair with another man can create a whirlwind of chaos and pain—and sometimes, the destruction of the relationship itself.

While many relationships don’t survive an affair because of the difficulties involved in working through the betrayal and broken trust, many others are able to overcome the challenges and are able to cultivate an even better partnership than they’d had before. A couple can triumph over an affair! Part 1 of this article will examine the reasons behind an affair, and Part 2 will offer some practical tips on healing and moving forward for those couples who have decided to try and salvage their relationships.

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