domestic violence

Alex Karydi's picture

LGBT Discrimination: Legal Rights and Mental Health

As LGBT individuals we already experiencing the shame and guilt of abuse but we may feel also now the pressure to hid our true identity so that we can use services such as shelter, support groups or crisis lines. The belief is if I pretend to be heterosexual I will get more acceptance and care for my situation. Or there is the pressure to “come out” to get help and risk that information not being kept confidential and losing your home, job, custody of children etc. With our LGBT status made public, as nothing in treatment is absolutely confidential especial when law enforcement is concerned, negative life changing events may happen due to lack of local and/or state laws. We have limited protection compared to our abused heterosexual counterparts. Disheartening is that even with me sharing this information with you, they will be many that will not take it further and seek help!

Often LGBT victims are not joined financially to their partner, so ending the relationship is met with little resistance in the money sector. What if though there is conjoined financial responsibilities, such as paying mortgage, there are no legal structures in place that assure that assets are divided equally. Heterosexual have no idea how much laws protect them and how we are seating ducks risk everything for who we are.

Conventional resources for domestic violence often lack training, expertise and sensitivity in understanding LGBT relationship and abuse. We have to deal with other bias, stereotypes, and homophobia. Society also uses the information of finding out that gays hit each other as another reason why homosexuality is immoral and dysfunctional, which makes finding genuine and help difficulty as well as making us feel even further isolated and alone in our pain.

Alex Karydi's picture

Lesbian Domestic Violence

I remember waking many a nights to my nanny’s (in South Africa it was custom to have a live in maid) screams, her room opposite mine wasmseparated by a small yard.  I witness in the darkness her husband beating her with sticks as thick as a baseball bat. She would be crying, bleeding and bruised, while police officers escort him out. My mother and father gently holding her, cleaning her face and would take her back to her bed where a week later he would be sleeping next to her again. The cycle continuously going, yes I was taught young what a good beating looked like, it was stained in my minds eye like her blood on our cement ground.

Abuse is a pattern of behavior that uses coercion, dominance or isolates the other partner.  It is a form of power that is enforced by one person over the other to gain control within the relationship. There are many kinds of abuse, unfortunately the most often common ones used go unnoticed as they do not leave physical evidence behind.

These are:

  • Physical Abuse – hitting; choking; slapping; burning; shoving; using a weapon; physically restraining; intentional interference with basic needs (e.g. food, medicine, sleep)
  • Isolation: Restricting Freedom – controlling contacts with friends and family, access to information and participation in groups or organizations; locking up in a room / restricting mobility; monitoring telephone calls
  • Psychological & Emotional Abuse – constantly criticizing, ridiculing (self, family, friends, past); trying to humiliate or degrade; lying; undermining self-esteem; misleading someone about the norms and values of the gay/lesbian communities in order to control or exploit them
  • Stalking / Harassing Behavior – following; turning up at workplace or house; parking outside; repeated phone calls or mail to victim and/or family, friends, colleagues
  • Threats & Intimidation – threatening to harm partner, self or others (children, family, friends, pets); threatening to make reports to authorities that jeopardize child custody, immigration or legal status; threatening to disclose HIV status, threatening to reveal sexual orientation to family, friends, neighbors, and/or employers
  • Economic Abuse – controlling or stealing money; fostering dependency; making financial decisions without asking or telling partner
  • Sexual Abuse/Harassment – forcing sex or specific acts, pressuring into unwanted sexual behavior, criticizing performance
  • Property Destruction – destroying mementos, breaking furniture or windows, throwing or smashing objects, trashing clothes or other possessions.


James Turnbull's picture

Countering Sexual Violence in Korea

Once again, Korea has gotten the lowest score of all high-income countries in a recent survey of gender-equality worldwide. And, at 104th out of 131 countries surveyed, it was bested by numerous much poorer countries at that.

Given that record, then it’s very easy to focus on Korea’s shortcomings when talking about gender issues. But that can mean that we can easily miss the positive developments that are occurring though, and sometimes right in front of our very noses.

Take what this humble-looking subway ad for instance, and what it ultimately represents. First, a translation:

부산 해바라기 여성 • 아동센터

Busan Sunflower Women & Children’s Center

여성 성폭력 피해자와 가정폭력 피해자, 학교폭력 피해자들을 돕고 있는 부산 원스톱 지원센터와 아동과 지적장애인 성폭력 피해자 전담센터인 부산 해바라기 아동센터가 2010년 1월 1일부터 부산 해바라기 여성 • 아동센터로 통합되었습니다.

From January 1, the Busan One-Stop Support Center, which helps female victims of sexual abuse, victims of family abuse, and victims of physical abuse at schools, and the Busan Sunflower Children’s Center, which helps children and mentally handicapped victims of sexual abuse, have joined together and become the Busan Sunflower Women & Children’s Center.

LaPrincipessa's picture

LA Laker Arrested for Domestic Violence, Pleads Innocence on Twitter

Ugh. I feel like all I  blog about  are athletes that have been arrested for, or are involved in,  some form of domestic violence. I'm getting tired of reading these disturbing accounts, really I am.

Sacramento Bee reports:

Los Angeles Lakers player Matt Barnes was arrested and booked into Sacramento County Main Jail on Wednesday night on a felony domestic violence charge.

Sacramento County Sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Tim Curran said deputies responded to an incomplete 911 call from the 8100 block of Sunset Avenue at about 4:15 p.m., where they encountered Barnes and a woman "who lived with him and with whom he had a dating relationship."

After speaking to Barnes and the woman, deputies determined that the two had been in a physical confrontation and Barnes had prevented the woman from talking to 911 operators. Curran said dispatchers heard the sound of a struggle in the background on the brief open line until it was disconnected.

Barnes' response via Twitter:

LaPrincipessa's picture

As School Starts, A Reminder About Violence Against Women and Girls

9/7/2010 9:04 Update: Rape on Campus Vastly Underreported - HuffingtonPost

From HuffingtonPost: Back to School, Back to Rape.

An informative read about the prevalence of violence against women and young girls.

Quick hits from the article:

1 in 4 college women are a victim of rape.

One in three teens report dating violence.

Women aged 16-24 are more susceptible to violence than at any other age.

Over half of those polled blamed Rihanna for being attacked by Chris Brown.

Author's Suggestions on what parents can do:

1. Have a conversation with your sons and daughters.

2. Get teen dating violence in your school's curriculum.

3. Write a letter to the administration at your child's college.

LaPrincipessa | Twitter | Email

(Posted at Women Undefined)

LaPrincipessa's picture

Carmelo's Alleged Twitter Violence and One Worthless Ho

How Twitter Reveals the way Victims of Violence  Are Stratified Based on Class, Race and Profession


People love Twitter because it is easy, fast, and great for networking. When things on twitter go good, things are really good. Conversely, when things go bad on Twitter, they go really bad. For all the reasons the mini-blogging , super popular, social networking sight attracts thousands of new users every month and remains one of the most popular sites on the world wide web, the same can cause tempers to flare and conflicts to come to pass in front of millions of users. Often, conflicts are overblown by an instant online mass of supporters (or dissenters) of whatever the cause of the day happens to be.

Yesterday, the outrage came after an NBA player took to twitter to combat a super-groupie wanna be. The results were not pretty after said NBA player's twitter account began posting messages broadcasting to his twitter followers (he has thousands) that he would pay anyone $5000 (some reports say he offered $20,000) to physically assault (slap) the super-groupie wanna be.

The posts were deleted but not before several media outlets screen-captured the messages. Several hours later, said NBA player's account posted a message contending his account had been hacked and thanking twitter for helping him straighten that out.

Whether his account was hacked is irrelevant- at least according to super-groupie wanna be. Today, super-groupie wanna be purportedly filed a police report against the NBA player. It is unknown whether or not she actually did or did not file a police report.

James Turnbull's picture

Men Can’t Get Raped in Korea?


( Source )

But in Korea at least, perhaps the most appropriate revenge would have been to inflict the same back on the rapists? For I’ve just been shocked to learn that legally speaking, men can’t actually be the victims of rape here.

In fairness however, Korea is by no means the only jurisdiction that strictly defines rape as non-consensual penile penetration of the vagina, so perhaps my reaction was quite naive. But still, recall that not only is spousal rape not a crime, and that the Korean Bar Association remains opposed to its criminalization, but that there is also endemic sexual violence within the military, so it’s not like some decidedly archaic notions of sexual identity and rape don’t still exist both in theory and in practice in Korea.

Accordingly, the fact that males can’t be raped is not so much highlighted as taken for granted in the webtoon Judge Byeon Hak-do’s Puzzling Law Questions (알쏭달쏭 변학도 판사의 법률이야기) below, instead focusing on the question of if a rapist of a male to female transsexual would be charged with rape or indecent assault instead, concluding that as the victims are not considered women in Korean society then it would be the latter. And indeed as of 2006, only 25 transsexuals had been successful (and 26 denied) in their applications to change their legal gender, easily the most famous being entertainer Harisu (하리수) and model Choi Han-bit (최한빛) below:

LaPrincipessa's picture

Professional Athletes and Violence Against Women

A personal reflection on the allegations against Indiana Pacer Lance Stephenson

Lance Stephenson is a New York native, attending the same high school as Sebastian Telfair and Steph Marbury. He was a decorated high school athlete, winning numerous accolades and awards. By every measurement , his future was and still is bright. He even starred alongside the Blazers’ own Jerryd Bayless in Gunnin’ For That Number 1 Spot.

During those years one could argue that “culture issues” - as we in Portland have come to understand that phrase- began to arise. He got in a bit of trouble and was accused of groping a girl at school. The details of that incident are hard to find, I don’t consider that a coincidence.

Now Stephenson is an Indiana Pacer, a high risk rookie and who , if everything were to work out, was considered by many to be a steal. His troubles suck for the team , and really suck for those who worked so hard to get the guy, because he’s talented on the court . But nothing , of course , is as important as the injuries, both internally and externally , of the victim.

The “alleged” actions are the most detrimental for his “alleged” victim, but in our culture, in the sports universe- an inherently sexist world that mostly uses women shamelessly- the victim of an “alleged” domestic violence incident doesn’t even cause a shred of concern.

LaPrincipessa's picture

Why Mel Gibson's Latest Scandal Is Important

Trigger Warning: Some of this post and linked audio are very graphic and triggering. 

So, I don't mean I actually like (alleged) verbal and physical abuse, I abhor it with all of my being. Abuse in all of its forms hurt women and children and scar generations leaving dire social consequences and years long ramifications that take a toll in every aspect of our lives.

The images on television of partner abuse is usually of some woman trudging into a shelter bloody and bruised , having just run from an abusive husband/boyfriend. When politicians stand up and speak out against partner abuse they often point to lack of funds for battered women shelters and want to increase aid for women who have left an (physically) abusive relationship. But no one talks about emotional, verbal and mental abuse. Stalking, rampant possessiveness, jealousy, consistent anger , manipulation, financial abuse, and constantly attacking a partner's self esteem with perpetual put downs and insults - all of this is considered emotional or verbal abuse. But hardly anyone seems willing to acknowledge this publicly; there is little to no media attention paid to verbal and emotional abuse.

So when Mel Gibson is heard (allegedly) cursing out, screaming at, intimidating, insulting, and  threatening  the life of his partner on tape, the media takes notice and suddenly this type of abuse is at the forefront of America's pop-culture consciousness.

LaPrincipessa's picture

More Sad News: Jenna Jameson calls cops on boyfriend Ortiz for domestic violence

Ugh, this is sad. I just wrote about Kim Kardashian being a victim of violence and now another celebrity is involved in a domestic assault case. According to TMZ, the cops were called to Jameson's home in California for a disturbance. They later reported that boyfriend and father to her children Tito Ortiz, was arrested for physically assaulting her.

Here is the video of Jenna after receiving medical care. It is heartbreaking to watch and may be triggering. In the video , Jenna reassures the photographer, through tears , that she is okay. The man in the passenger seat is her father.

Of course, there will be victim blaming and slut shaming all over the place about this, especially if Ortiz is penalized by MMA ( he is a professional athlete).

More sad details on this are sure to come out. I wish violence against women wasn't so fucking prevalent, it makes me really sad.

LaPrincipessa | Twitter | Email

(Posted at Women Undefined)

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