family

I took my 8 y/o daughter recently to visit the grave of my grandmother and grandfather.  They're buried in a little cemetery in Batavia, IL called Resurrection.  My daughter said it was too bad that we didn't bring flowers and I agreed.  I'm not much of a cemetery visitor myself, but there is something about flowers.

We agreed to bring flowers next time.

It took us about 20 minutes to find the headstones, which was comedic in itself.  I was sort of embarrassed that I didn't know where the markers were.  I mean, I really did spend a lot of time with "Gramma" when she was alive.  I haven't visited her grave since the day she was buried, 9 years ago.

As I lined up an 8 y/0 child with me into a search party for two rocks in the ground with names Donald andJane, I thought that it's probably a lucky break for me that I am an atheist.  I figured that if I believed that I'd be facing the spirits of the dead in an afterlife, they would chew my ass out for never visiting their tombs or at least bringing flowers when I did finally swing by.  Not to mention spending my remaining living years stewing over the guilt for my misdeeds.

As it was, I just passed the time watching my daughter pick up shiny things as an offering for the graves of her ancestors.  I wondered if I was a poor example of how to respect ones ancestors, but that was just my old Catholic guilt training flaring up like some scar from a childhood trauma.  In reality, the way to respect my ancestors is to live a life of dignity and honesty; to live a life worth living.  That's what they did and that's the only thing Gramma would want me to do, if she were here.  It's all she ever wanted for me.

I found this today, in my Internet travels.  It looks good and I will love to read what they assemble. -arvan

“We can learn to mother ourselves.” Audre Lorde, 1983

All mothers have the potential to be revolutionary. Some mothers stand on the shoreline, are born and reborn here, inside the flux of time and space, overcoming the traumatic repetition of oppression. Our very existence is disobedience to the powers that be.
At times, in moments, we as mothers choose to stand in a zone of claimed risk and fierce transformation, the frontline. In infinite ways, both practiced and yet to be imagined,  we put our bodies between the violent repetition of the norm and the future we already deserve, exactly because our children deserve it too.  We make this choice for many reasons and in different contexts, but at the core we have this in common: we refuse to obey. We refuse to give into fear. We insist on joy no matter what and by every means necessary and possible.

In this anthology we are exploring how we are informed by and participating with those mothers, especially radical women of color, who have sought for decades, if not centuries, to create relationships to each other, transformative relationships to feminism and a transnational anti-imperialist literary, cultural and everyday practice.

ladyVixion is one of my favorite vloggers.  She has made plenty of sassy, humorous and thoughtful work already.  In the middle of that, she told this honest, poignant and human piece about family, self, identity and dignity.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I came out to my father that I am Transexual - by ladyVixion:

The editors of a new anthology call for submissions on the experiences of significant others, family members, friends and allies (SOFFAs) of transgender and/or gender variant individuals.  The feelings, emotional processes and experiences of those in relationships with transgender and/or gender variant individuals are seldom acknowledged.  That’s why this anthology is so important as a resource and an educational book.  This particular call seeks quality “think-alouds” that are reflections on the experience of being in a relationship with a transgender and/or gender variant loved one.

Our vision for the anthology is not solely focused on partners, but the transitional experiences of those in relationships with transgender persons.

We are interested in personal narratives, stories and reflections from significant others, family members, friends, allies, co-workers, teachers, medical professionals and clergy who are in relationships with transgender and/or gender variant individuals.  Give us your inner dialogues, theories, practices, joys, coming-out stories, challenging moments and transformative events.  We are seeking a multiplicity of voices tackling the intersections of relationships and transgender and/or gender variant identities with sexuality, race, religion, spiritual affiliation, socio-economic status, ability, etc.

We are looking for thoughtful and authentic responses of 1,500-6,000 words.  Only respectful submissions will be considered; however, we expect pieces to document a range of experiences and emotions including confusion, joy, frustration, pain, happiness, identity struggles, fear, anger, anxiety and love.

A gay daughter's one-on-one talk with her Mom about coming out.

Michelle from the Beaver Bunch and her Mom discuss questions on coming out.  The Beaver Bunch - where five very different LGBTQ members have come together to break stereotypes, discuss the world at large, and answer your questions.

The Beaver Bunch - where five very different LGBTQ members have come together to break stereotypes, discuss the world at large, and answer your questions.

And should you have any questions (Parents included) email them here :) thebeaverbunch@gmail.com 

(h/t to @TurboHeather)

I saw this and loved it.   It is an advert for Renault and incorporates trans persons in a lovely way.  I am so happy that we are moving forward in this world, away from ignorance and hatred.  Some days, it seems like we're making no progress at all.  But, then something like this comes along and I can see that we are moving to a society of acceptance and embrace.

- arvan

By Millie Jackson

A common argument against polyamory is that it is not a healthy life-style for the children involved. I have never found this argument to hold up. Although I do not have children, I have been involved with people who do. What I have witnessed are very content children getting a lot of positive attention. They are being raised in a diverse and accepting environment while witnessing communication, negotiation, and a team mentality. Often times, they are completely unaware that their “extended family” includes partners of their mommy and/or daddy.

The same guidelines of what is appropriate in regards to what children see and hear about sex are basically the same whether parents are monogamous or polyamorous. How parents portray sex and relationships to their children and how they approach conversations about sex varies greatly from one parenting style to the next. A room full of parents who are proclaimed monogamists will disagree, perhaps passionately, on when and how to approach these topics with children. There will, similarly, be a variety of approaches among polyamorous parents too. Keep in mind that there are not wild orgies happening in front of the children. Nobody should be having sex in front of children regardless of the family dynamics.

Boy, Thanksgiving surprised me. What I thought was going to be an otherwise quiet evening with the family (Although it rarely ever is) turned out to be an engaging conversation about relationships, money, sex, politics, pop culture, feminism, and marriage from the perspective of three different generations, all of which had originated from the island of Jamaica, one that has impressively progressed since I’d last seen it at age 12.

Our online survey explores the ways in which LGBT parents and their children manage social policies and pressures within their communities.  The survey is kind of long—it may take you an hour to complete.  However, we want to learn about each family’s perspectives, experiences, and opinions.  Parents are asked questions about topics such as attitudes in your community, parenting and family relationships, social pressures and sources of support, as well as questions regarding your child(ren).  Children are also welcomed to participate in our study.

At this point, over 150 LGBT families from 24 states have participated, but we want to hear more voices and perspectives.  So far, we only have small numbers of gay dads and trans-parents–we need your help!  We want families from ALL backgrounds: economic, ethnic, spiritual, and disabled diverse families.  With your help, we hope to better understand challenges facing LGBT families and promote social policies that support all families.

If you would like to participate or to learn more about us, please check out our website: www.lgbtparents.org

If you have questions, ideas, or comments please feel free to email Beth Haines (hainesb@lawrence.edu ) or Julie Konik (konikj@lawrence.edu).

Thanks again for your help!

Warmly,
Beth Haines, Julie Konik, and Siobhan Brooks
Sarah Bruemmer and Erin Henzi

Bodyshock: Age 8 and Wanting a Sex Change

19 October 2009, 9pm (Belfast)

[Broadcasting in Ireland and then viewable online]

As experts consider a review of UK guidelines for treating transgender children, this film follows a number of children in the US who told their parents they were born in the wrong body.