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Taming the Drama Queen Within

Question: My boyfriend had enough of me being a “drama queen” as he called me and then ended our relationship. I didn’t get what he meant by that. I was only trying to express my feelings and communicate my thoughts. Now he calls me a “big drama queen” in front of his friends and I feel humiliated. How do I know if I’m a drama queen and if I am one, what can I do to stop being one?

One of three things is possibly going on for this subscriber’s situation:

1. His partner ended the relationship for some other reason than he stated and used the global “drama queen” label as an “easy out” for avoiding taking responsibility for why he truly left.

2. His partner may be emotionally stifled, uncomfortable with his own or others’ feelings and could not tolerate his boyfriend’s expressiveness, thereby leading him to terminate the relationship to distance himself.

3. He may be overly-passionate with his emotions and lack restraint or boundaries with effectively managing his feelings, unaware that he may have been overwhelming and pushing his partner away with his intensity.

There could be a whole host of other reasons for the breakup, but the above could be most likely. If the reason was #1 or #2, our subscriber is better off searching for a more compatible partner who is capable of emotional expression, active listening, and direct communication of his needs and wants. The fact that the ex-boyfriend taunted him about his emotionality to his friends is also a sign of disrespect and he should view this as a big “red flag” about his ex’s level of maturity, character, and integrity. If the reason is #3, our subscriber may benefit from learning skills to better regulate his emotions to avoid reactivity in his relationships with others; this could be alienating him from getting his needs met.

This article will offer some strategies for how to manage your feelings in your relationship with your partner so you can change the dynamics that exist toward more positive results for both of you.

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