First Time Lesbian

Alex Karydi's picture

How to make Lesbian Friendships

Ever feel at a loss? Are you completely consumed by life demands? At times it feels like we are on a stage and everyone is watching us fail! We have a sense of lose, as if it is within reach but like a toy that’s been taken by the ocean’s current it has slipped away.

 

Every relationship has left a trace, maybe even jaded our view of life and love to a point where even if perfection was to walk in it would seem impossible to see her! Or maybe even want her. Why want what you can’t have or ever keep.

You go out and every woman looks the same, every woman sounds the same, so familiar on the surface nothing has changed.  We have the same discussion with different faces and hear the same empty promises and speech of lost loves and new beginnings. 

We have become committed to finding a partner so badly that for most of us friendships have been put aside, until that someone comes along. Others of us have been in relationships where being with one another was sufficient and slowly isolated you from the world. Friendship, the unconditional love we have for what once was a stranger is the equivalent to oxygen in a healthy person.

Alex Karydi's picture

Coming Out with The Lesbian Guru

Coming out Lesbians!  This is a celebration of your true identity being unveiled and released into the world.  I wish there were a more beautiful and transformational term to refer to the process of developing and sharing your sexual orientation. I believe if it were a more affirmative term it would create a more positive and hopeful experience. Words have a powerful and energetic effect on people when said, thought, and expressed. 

Everyone’s coming out story is so unique, an imprint on our life’s journey, so powerful it can have a life altering effect on where it leads us in our future and how we perceive the world and those we hold closest to us. For some lesbian’s coming out is met with love and support, as well as “yeah, everyone knew already.”

I was so frightened to tell my sister, the only family I had, that I was going to be exclusively with women and that I figured out why I could not connect with men as much as I tried, “I am Gay!” Her response was witty and dry as always to her true form, “Babes, I don’t know about you but if you’ve been looking under girls skirts since you were six you probably are Gay!” We both laughed and that was the end of it, now she is the most supportive and loving person in my life and I get to enjoy being completely true to who I am with her.

This is not to say that all my “Yes I’m a homo” experiences have been as pleasant.  Coming out is a long and difficult struggle and will often be met with a lot of resistance? In fact I had a couple of childhood female friends that became angry with me. They thought that during our friendship I may have secretly desired them and didn’t tell them.

Alex Karydi's picture

Lesbian Online Dating

Where are Lesbians meeting other Lesbians? Our community, as small as it is and as incestuous as it is known for has been having a hard time finding legitimate mates.  

Many Lesbians meet there next partner through there ex (whom often they return to for a few more rounds) or in a bar (because the ladies do like to drink a fair bit) that it has become a challenging experience to find an interesting untouched female that has not been through the multiple girl circles we belong too.

In therapy I am constantly asked where do gay women meet up? Especially if you are in some kind of alcohol and drug recovery or have dated so many psychos in the same area code that you need a new hopeful experience! Well the Internet is the new way to date, actually not so new but where more and more gay woman are congregating to find their soul mate.

Online you safely put a profile up, some nice photos and basically advertise yourself to the United States or even the world of Lesbians in search for love. In the sea of women, contacts are established; friendships are formulated and sometimes through the timeless romantic form of communication, known as “love letters” you find someone.

Alex Karydi's picture

Finding your Inner Lesbian

When did love become a race? When did the earth become such a lonely place or so scary that we all decided to bump into as many people in hopes of meeting someone and finding love? With all the advertising and social pressure to find this person, this soul mate; we have lost the ability to be on our own. We do not know how to enjoy ourselves or even if we are worth being enjoyed.

There is some truth in that, if you do not know who you are or what you like, then how will you expose it to anyone else? It is ironic that there are thousands of books on building self-esteem and self-love that are written and television shows  that makes millions on helping you find it, when really it is available immediately within you!  We all know what makes us feel good, because our experiences in life teach us that.

We know what pulls us down because it’s like a familiar banner that runs through our minds every day, when we are tired, angry, lonely, or hungry (because your diet affects your mood)! We see it; listen to it like an obedient dog that has been trained to hear the negative self-talk and go as directed “Yes, I’m stupid”, “You  are right I will never get her she is too good for me”, “Nothing I do is ever right”, “Who am I kidding this will never work.” 

Yes, I know those lines too, I have said them more than I care to think about to myself. Why is it people do not see their full potential? Why are we not able to focus on ourselves for long enough to build love and trust in who we are? We as a community and not just Gay women, but society rely so much on what others think and how they behave towards us?

Alex Karydi's picture

The Lesbian Science of Love

You say love is a gut feeling, that it's something that you just know? Then why doesn't it always keep the intensity and relationship going? If it's such a strong emotion, if who we are drawn too is so animalistic and uncontrollable then why doesn't it always last!

Attraction is just the initial trigger that pushes you into a relationship with another person, unfortunately it is not the main component that will maintain a healthy and fulfilling lesbian relationship. There are four important skills of a healthy relationship that have been studied and found in long-term relationships that have increased love and intimacy in couples. Knowledge and practice of these skills have been found to sustain couples through their hard times together, as well as allow for growth in the individual and the family system. Learning these four skills and putting them into action on a daily basis will increase the success of your relationship as well as maintain healthy boundaries and love for each other.

Let's explore these skills further:

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