gay

Introduction

Ok, guys, let's face it. Dating can be a frustrating process when you're single and on the market for a long-term committed relationship. Trying to find a compatible guy for romance and companionship can make you feel like banging your head against the wall sometimes as you struggle to figure out where to meet these men in the first place, and then to go through the whole screening process...it can feel like a full-time job sometimes!

But what happens if you are HIV+ and looking for love? I get letters frequently from single men with HIV who voice difficulties with the gay dating scene trying to find people to date. Dating can be hard enough at times, but for those with health issues or disabilities, the problems can be compounded and the sense of hopelessness and uncertainty doubled as these men question whether love is even possible for them in a gay culture that seems fixated on shallow definitions of what makes a man attractive and "viable."

I'm not going to sugar-coat things. The harsh reality is that having HIV can complicate the process of meeting people for dating and can make it more difficult. The availability pool for dating prospects will be reduced because there are a percentage of men who will not date HIV+ guys. That being said, having HIV does not preclude you to a permanent life of singlehood unless you choose that lifestyle consciously.

The fact of the matter is that you can realize and live the dream of having a life partner if that's your vision. Vast numbers of HIV+ gay men are currently enjoying long-term relationships and you, too, can join these ranks if that is your desire. This article will offer some strategies and suggestions for improving your dating success to empower you to "go for it" and keep the motivation burning for your boyfriend quest.

Introduction

Are you single and frustrated with your dating efforts? Tired of spending all your hard-earned cash at the local coffee shop for what seems like the millionth blind date? Or maybe things have been going smashingly with your new guy until he pulls the rug out from under you just as you've started to open your heart to him. The scenarios are endless in the gay metropolis of dating, but the one thing that's for certain is that there's no magic formula on how to snag your Mr. Right.

There are lots of things you can do to promote your chances of success, however. And this article will elaborate on one such secret that might help clear the confusion and point you in the right direction as you continue your quest for a compatible boyfriend. Sometimes pure luck is at play in meeting a quality man, like being in the right place at the right time. But more often than not, a lot of preparation is needed to date smartly. A good mixture of self-awareness and interpersonal skills is just what the doctor ordered, as you would be wise not to be led solely by your physical attraction meter when screening for potential dating prospects. Your first step before you ever set foot into the dating jungle is to have a solid sense of identity--to know who you are and what you're looking for. Without this knowledge, you'll likely wander and connect aimlessly with men crowding the dating pool who have little in common with you except being single as well (and sometimes not even that!). Your time and heart are too precious; so don't waste them in a pursuit that's not armed with some kind of map or guidepost to help lead the way. And that's where your values come in!

Introduction

I was recently interviewed by freelance writer Caroline Stanley from MSN.com for a cover story she was writing about dating "player-types". This article includes the content that I contributed for her research into this topic. This article will shed some light on the profile of a "player", provide some tips for the "ex-player" to promote successful dating relationships without letting his past destroy genuine opportunities, and suggest potential warning signs for the gay dater that might signal that the guy he's seeing might actually be a "player."

What Is A Player?

My definition of a "player" is someone who's not really on the "up and up" in his dating interactions and intentions with others. His words are not congruent with his behavior. This type of individual tends to be manipulative and self-centered, using people to meet his own needs in a selfish way that disregards the feelings of others. He tends to be very crafty and creative in his efforts to win a person over to obtain gratification of his sought-after goal and can be insensitive to the needs and wants of the other. Once he's gotten what he wants, he tends to taper off his contact with the person or completely disappears with no word. Sometimes he's purely after sex; other times it's about conquest (the thrill of the hunt, and once he's been validated that he's desired, he withdraws).

Introduction--A Picture of Insecurity

Insecurity is no fun. It's that nagging feeling of angst and anxiety, of being unsettled and worried. You feel helpless and that you don't measure up to a person or situation, lacking a sense direction or confidence in how to approach things. Like in the initial stages of dating, a single gay man's insecurity might look like..."Does he like me?" "Why hasn't he called me like he said he would?" "Will he still be around even after we've had sex?"
These are pretty normal reactions; it becomes insecurity when the person becomes preoccupied and ruminates about the outcome, personalizing it and putting himself through a slow-torture of doubt and "what-if" thinking that distracts him from being centered and relaxed.

Gay men in relationships can struggle with insecurity as well; having a partner is no shield against it. In a relationship, insecurity might look like..."Am I still attractive to my partner after all this time?" "Does he think I'm a good lover?" "Why is he spending so much time away from home?" "Is he cheating on me?" Again, there's nothing abnormal with these thoughts--it has more to do with their extent and severity and how much they are interfering with one's quality of life and relationship. This article will offer some suggestions for managing this harmful emotion so it doesn't sabotage your relationship and cause undue stress for your well-being.