gay couples

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5 Deadly Relationship Mistakes That Gay Men Can Make

Introduction

Whether you’re just starting out in a new relationship or have been long-term partners for many years, how does a gay couple maintain their relationship over the long haul and sustain that “magical spark” that drew them together in the first place?

Relationships do require attention and focus, and this article will present five deadly mistakes that you can make that can wreak havoc in your partnership, almost ensuring conflict and unhappiness. Remedies will also be offered, and keeping these points in mind can help stave off relationship discord—and even prevent a potential breakup from ever being considered!

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Gay Male Couple Seeks the Same 4 Friendship

Introduction

Knowing how and where to meet other gay men for friendship and dating has long been a challenge and complaint for single guys, but the task is made that much more daunting for partnered men. How does a gay couple go about finding other couples who are similarly committed to their relationships for genuine friendship and companionship?

I get that question a lot as a coach. “I never see other gay couples out and about. Only singles.” “Yeah, I meet other couples but it always ends up with them wanting to have sex.” For partners seeking like-minded comrades, it can sometimes feel very isolating. This article will offer some creative suggestions for enhancing your exposure to other gay couples with the hope of promoting your chances for building your friendship circle.

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Validate Your Way to Gay Relationship Bliss

Introduction

Over the years, I’ve had slews of couples come through my office with a variety of presenting issues that range anywhere from communication breakdowns, to sexual dysfunctions, to infidelities, to diminished passion, etc. These only name but a few, but the common denominator that appears pervasive throughout most relationship difficulties is a climate of tension, resentment, and mistrust that results when the partners don’t feel acknowledged or honored by each other. This can erode the foundation that the relationship is built upon and jeopardizes the love, closeness, and attachment the couple had developed. Mayday! Mayday! Relationship rescue is now needed!

The interpersonal skill of validation is one technique that can help enrich any relationship and is a great tool for solidifying emotional bonds and fostering more intimacy between loving partners. This article will explore the concept of validation and offer suggestions for incorporating more of it with your partner to promote more heightened “relationship bliss.”

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A Gay Lover's Quarrel: Joe & Paul Talk It Out

Introduction

Paul threw open the door to the apartment in a rage and stormed inside, Joe hot on his tail. “God, you are being such a drama queen! It’s no big deal! You’re reading way too much into this!” cried Joe as he cornered his partner in the bedroom. Paul swung around to face him, reeling with anger as his heart pounded ferociously against his chest and his hard, shallow breathing neared hyperventilation. “No big deal?! Gee, thanks for caring about how I feel! That is just so typical of you to only think of yourself and then downplay what you’ve done and not take any responsibility! Then I end up looking like the melodramatic one and you come out smelling like a rose! Well not this time, Joe! I’ve had it!”

Joe fell to the bed and held his head in his hands as he let out a frustrated sigh. “You are so infuriating! This was supposed to be our romantic night out together and you totally ruined it with your stupid assumptions!” he grumbled. “I ruined it?! We hardly see each other anymore, and when we finally get a night out just the two of us, you can’t keep your eyes off the other guys in the restaurant! It’s like I didn’t even exist in there! You barely said even two words to me because you were too busy undressing everybody there in your mind!” “You are so off base, man! The guys in there were hot and I’m a natural flirt, I can’t help it! It doesn’t mean that I want to sleep with them though! I am sick and tired of having to take the blame and suffer for your past failed relationships! I have never given you any reason to doubt my commitment to you and all you ever do is jump to conclusions about my motives! What do you want from me?!” Joe shouted. “See, there you go again! It’s always my fault, isn’t it?! Just forget it! You can sleep on the couch tonight!” spat Paul as he heaved a pillow and blanket at him from across the room and then stalked off, slamming and locking the bathroom door behind him.

Love & Conflict

While the above scenario may seem a bit like “The Young & the Restless”, it certainly depicts how an argument can downward-spiral fast. Conflict is normal and inevitable in all relationships; in fact, there can’t be growth as a couple without it! However, the manner in which the conflict is approached and managed can either contribute to the health and development of the relationship, or it can cause its demise. Words hurt and can have lasting effect, and as seen by our friends Paul and Joe, they can damage the foundation of trust and intimacy that the partnership is built upon.

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When a Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair for Gay Couples; Part 2

Introduction

When the “relationship contract” has been broken by an infidelity in a gay couple’s partnership, the foundation of trust and respect has likely been damaged. Some men opt to sever their ties, unable to cope with the boundary violation that’s occurred, while others decide to work at rebuilding their relationship. Each couple must decide for themselves which option best suits their needs and will be determined largely by the level of investment and commitment each has to endure through the painful tasks involved in recovering from an affair.

Surviving and healing from an affair is possible and requires both partners to take responsibility and channel all their energies into repairing their relationship. Part 1 of this 2-part article series addressed the possible reasons why we cheat and the impact this can have on a relationship. In this article, specific tips and strategies will be offered for those couples who are motivated to overcome the non-monogamy that has occurred in their relationship, thereby promoting their chances for a successful resolution to this crisis.

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When a Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair for Gay Couples; Part 1

Introduction

Nothing destroys the foundation of trust and security in a relationship quite like infidelity does. The gay community at large tends to accept more liberal forms of sexual expression. Without social norms precluding what’s sexually appropriate or not in the context of an intimate relationship, gay men are in a position to choose for themselves the role sex plays in their relationships. As such, most gay couples develop a “relationship contract” of sorts as they begin to merge their lives together about monogamy vs. non-monogamy. For those couples who have agreed to be monogamous, a partner’s affair with another man can create a whirlwind of chaos and pain—and sometimes, the destruction of the relationship itself.

While many relationships don’t survive an affair because of the difficulties involved in working through the betrayal and broken trust, many others are able to overcome the challenges and are able to cultivate an even better partnership than they’d had before. A couple can triumph over an affair! Part 1 of this article will examine the reasons behind an affair, and Part 2 will offer some practical tips on healing and moving forward for those couples who have decided to try and salvage their relationships.

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8 Relationship Success Tips for Coupled Gay Men

Introduction

As gay men, you've struggled through and endured all the challenges inherent in finding true love with another man in this homophobic society, but you did it! You found your Mr. Right! So now what?!

Not only did we as gay men not receive any education or guidance in how to date another man, but we certainly didn't get the training manual on how to sustain a healthy, intimate partnership with him once we found our ideal guy and decided to form a commitment with him. Gay partnerships can be very rewarding and fulfilling, but they require conscious effort and attentiveness to foster their successful growth and intimacy. What follows is a short tips list that gay couples can use as a quick-reference guide for keeping their relationships on track. Keep these bullet points in mind and you'll have a solid foundation in place to make your relationship solid gold!

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Squashing Jealousy in Gay Relationships

Introduction

You might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover “the look-over.” You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. Or you might experience it if you have an “open relationship” and you know your partner is out “tricking.” Whatever its form, jealousy can take on many different faces and it can kill your relationship if it’s not managed appropriately. If you’re the one who’s afflicted with jealousy, it can torment and consume you, zapping you of all security and contentment. If you’re the partner of a jealous lover, your frustration at having to “walk on eggshells” and constantly reassure your guy of your commitment to him can be maddening.

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Stop, Look, & Listen: The 3-Step Approach to Understanding Your Partner

Introduction

Do you feel misunderstood by your partner? Seem to keep getting into repetitive arguments over the same things? Have hidden resentments toward him and a mountain of unmet needs? If you’re like a lot of other gay couples, chances are your listening skills might need a jump-start; and if it’s not that, then fine-tuning your ability to listen can go a long way toward bridging the gap between you and your lover and bringing about more clarity and connection in your relationship.

Conflict is inevitable when you’re a couple, but how you go about negotiating it can mean the difference between cuddling on the couch together or sleeping on opposite sides of the bed when you retire for the evening. Being able to productively listen and attend to your partner is key for effective communication, and listening is also a pre-requisite for conflict resolution.

As men in our society, we haven’t been trained real well in matters of emotion and communication. This can create a tenuous backdrop in a relationship with two men operating from the same conditioning. Not only can it be an obstacle to achieving true intimacy, but it can also cause partners to withdraw emotionally, avoid dealing with problems, or become competitive towards one another if not careful.

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8 Relationship Success Tips for Coupled Gay Men

 

Introduction

As gay men, you've struggled through and endured all the challenges inherent in finding true love with another man in this homophobic society, but you did it! You found your Mr. Right! So now what?!

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