the gay love coach's picture

Am I Mr. Right?


So you're single and looking for Mr. Right. Perhaps you enjoy the freedom of this time of your life and date recreationally, keeping your options open until "the right guy" comes along. Or maybe you're the type who feels like dating is his sealed fate, forever going out on dates with guy after guy, only to walk away from each experience disappointed and questioning whether you'll ever find a compatible life partner. Whatever your situation, it's important to remember that finding Mr. Right is only part of the equation to landing a successful relationship. The other part, which is actually more important, is to become Mr. Right yourself.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. What you put out there in your life will be mirrored back to you. This theory purports that, for example, if you exude confidence and positivity, this will draw like-minded people toward you like a magnet. Conversely, if you portray a demeanor of depression and pessimism, you will likely attract those with similar qualities...if even! So whether you're happily single and just "going with the flow" or are frustrated by your lack of return on your dating efforts, the most important thing you can do for yourself at this phase of your development as a single person is to invest in yourself and become Mr. Right. You want to be at your best so that when your Mr. Right actually does enter your life, you'll be ready and available for him and won't potentially miss out on a golden opportunity.

Evolution of A Great Guy

Self-actualization, or striving to reach one's full potential, is at the core of this evolution toward becoming Mr. Right and is a lifelong process for all of us as we grow, change, and learn valuable lessons through the challenges we face in our everyday lives. By taking the emphasis off of preoccupations with why it's so difficult to find a decent man and ruminating about if you're going to be single forever, you can channel these feelings and unproductive thoughts toward something meaningful that will actually impact your life in a positive way. This is not to minimize the value and importance of having a special man in your life for companionship and intimacy--it is a basic human need to achieve a sense of belonging and connection. But until that time comes, putting all the focus on something external to you that you may not have much control over only leads you toward feelings of helplessness and powerlessness that will sabotage your ultimate goals. You can't will Mr. Right into your life. You only have control and responsibility over yourself and your choices and actions. Take advantage of this valuable phase of your life as a single gay man to get your life in order so you won't have any distractions to keep you from snagging that special stud. Nothing would be more brutal than missing out on him because you weren't emotionally available or even aware that he was right in front of your face.

the gay love coach's picture

Boundaries for You & Your Guy


Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired? Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we've all been there.

Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won't accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives. When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one's life.

Not only do we have self-imposed boundaries, but boundaries also pertain to our relationships. A healthy relationship is comprised of two men with a solid sense of self and identity. Boundaries help protect the partners of a couple from abuse or outside influences of others. They help create a sense of security in the partnership, allowing safe communication of needs and feelings between the partners that helps to solidify a positive connection and intimacy. Boundaries help cement what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate conduct both within and outside the context of being a couple and help to define who you are and what you stand for as life partners.

the gay love coach's picture

Long-Distance Lovers Lament No More!


Nothing pains the heart more than being separated from your honey. You worked really hard to find Mr. Right and build a fulfilling life with him over the years. You've encountered and conquered so many challenges together and relish in the romance and richness of being a committed couple. You view the rewards of your partnership as great and can't wait to share more experiences that will further enrich your relationship. That's the vision that most happy couples report!

But what if you and your partner don't live together and are physically separated, perhaps living on opposite sides of the globe? Maybe a job or a family crisis has forced you apart. Perhaps it's just a temporary departure from each other; for some, the situation is permanent and must be adapted to. Whatever the circumstance, maintaining a long-distance relationship can be very difficult and taxing for couples. But while this scenario can be challenging and put a relationship to the test, it can be done and there are scores of people that are in this predicament and make it work successfully. This article will shed some light and offer some tips for coping with the "long-distance relationship blues" so that you can continue to nourish and strengthen the bond with your man and promote its longevity and satisfaction. Nothing compares to having your partner by your side but there are ways to overcome the obstacle of distance and still keep your relationship alive and well!

ptaguy's picture

Personality Whores

Originally published on
Alex Karydi's picture

How to make Lesbian Friendships

Ever feel at a loss? Are you completely consumed by life demands? At times it feels like we are on a stage and everyone is watching us fail! We have a sense of lose, as if it is within reach but like a toy that’s been taken by the ocean’s current it has slipped away.


Every relationship has left a trace, maybe even jaded our view of life and love to a point where even if perfection was to walk in it would seem impossible to see her! Or maybe even want her. Why want what you can’t have or ever keep.

You go out and every woman looks the same, every woman sounds the same, so familiar on the surface nothing has changed.  We have the same discussion with different faces and hear the same empty promises and speech of lost loves and new beginnings. 

We have become committed to finding a partner so badly that for most of us friendships have been put aside, until that someone comes along. Others of us have been in relationships where being with one another was sufficient and slowly isolated you from the world. Friendship, the unconditional love we have for what once was a stranger is the equivalent to oxygen in a healthy person.

jolie du pre's picture

GLBT Promo Book Giveaway - July 2010

GLBT Promo Book Giveaway. For the rest of 2010, enter for a chance to win one new book every month.

the gay love coach's picture

Dating Slumps & the HIV+ Gay Man


Ok, guys, let's face it. Dating can be a frustrating process when you're single and on the market for a long-term committed relationship. Trying to find a compatible guy for romance and companionship can make you feel like banging your head against the wall sometimes as you struggle to figure out where to meet these men in the first place, and then to go through the whole screening can feel like a full-time job sometimes!

But what happens if you are HIV+ and looking for love? I get letters frequently from single men with HIV who voice difficulties with the gay dating scene trying to find people to date. Dating can be hard enough at times, but for those with health issues or disabilities, the problems can be compounded and the sense of hopelessness and uncertainty doubled as these men question whether love is even possible for them in a gay culture that seems fixated on shallow definitions of what makes a man attractive and "viable."

I'm not going to sugar-coat things. The harsh reality is that having HIV can complicate the process of meeting people for dating and can make it more difficult. The availability pool for dating prospects will be reduced because there are a percentage of men who will not date HIV+ guys. That being said, having HIV does not preclude you to a permanent life of singlehood unless you choose that lifestyle consciously.

The fact of the matter is that you can realize and live the dream of having a life partner if that's your vision. Vast numbers of HIV+ gay men are currently enjoying long-term relationships and you, too, can join these ranks if that is your desire. This article will offer some strategies and suggestions for improving your dating success to empower you to "go for it" and keep the motivation burning for your boyfriend quest.

the gay love coach's picture

Getting Down & Dirty With Your Dating Values


Are you single and frustrated with your dating efforts? Tired of spending all your hard-earned cash at the local coffee shop for what seems like the millionth blind date? Or maybe things have been going smashingly with your new guy until he pulls the rug out from under you just as you've started to open your heart to him. The scenarios are endless in the gay metropolis of dating, but the one thing that's for certain is that there's no magic formula on how to snag your Mr. Right.

There are lots of things you can do to promote your chances of success, however. And this article will elaborate on one such secret that might help clear the confusion and point you in the right direction as you continue your quest for a compatible boyfriend. Sometimes pure luck is at play in meeting a quality man, like being in the right place at the right time. But more often than not, a lot of preparation is needed to date smartly. A good mixture of self-awareness and interpersonal skills is just what the doctor ordered, as you would be wise not to be led solely by your physical attraction meter when screening for potential dating prospects. Your first step before you ever set foot into the dating jungle is to have a solid sense of identity--to know who you are and what you're looking for. Without this knowledge, you'll likely wander and connect aimlessly with men crowding the dating pool who have little in common with you except being single as well (and sometimes not even that!). Your time and heart are too precious; so don't waste them in a pursuit that's not armed with some kind of map or guidepost to help lead the way. And that's where your values come in!

the gay love coach's picture

Watch Out! The Dude's A Player! (For Gay Daters)


I was recently interviewed by freelance writer Caroline Stanley from for a cover story she was writing about dating "player-types". This article includes the content that I contributed for her research into this topic. This article will shed some light on the profile of a "player", provide some tips for the "ex-player" to promote successful dating relationships without letting his past destroy genuine opportunities, and suggest potential warning signs for the gay dater that might signal that the guy he's seeing might actually be a "player."

What Is A Player?

My definition of a "player" is someone who's not really on the "up and up" in his dating interactions and intentions with others. His words are not congruent with his behavior. This type of individual tends to be manipulative and self-centered, using people to meet his own needs in a selfish way that disregards the feelings of others. He tends to be very crafty and creative in his efforts to win a person over to obtain gratification of his sought-after goal and can be insensitive to the needs and wants of the other. Once he's gotten what he wants, he tends to taper off his contact with the person or completely disappears with no word. Sometimes he's purely after sex; other times it's about conquest (the thrill of the hunt, and once he's been validated that he's desired, he withdraws).

jolie du pre's picture

Lance Bass Gets His Freedom

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Lance Bass, formerly of 'N Sync, posed for some photos recently that, as Perez Hilton suggested, embraced his "inner diva." I was pleased to see the photos, because they tell me that Lance Bass can finally scream to the world, "Yes, I'm gay and I'm proud of it."

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