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the gay love coach's picture

The Insecure Partner

Introduction--A Picture of Insecurity

Insecurity is no fun. It's that nagging feeling of angst and anxiety, of being unsettled and worried. You feel helpless and that you don't measure up to a person or situation, lacking a sense direction or confidence in how to approach things. Like in the initial stages of dating, a single gay man's insecurity might look like..."Does he like me?" "Why hasn't he called me like he said he would?" "Will he still be around even after we've had sex?"
These are pretty normal reactions; it becomes insecurity when the person becomes preoccupied and ruminates about the outcome, personalizing it and putting himself through a slow-torture of doubt and "what-if" thinking that distracts him from being centered and relaxed.

Gay men in relationships can struggle with insecurity as well; having a partner is no shield against it. In a relationship, insecurity might look like..."Am I still attractive to my partner after all this time?" "Does he think I'm a good lover?" "Why is he spending so much time away from home?" "Is he cheating on me?" Again, there's nothing abnormal with these thoughts--it has more to do with their extent and severity and how much they are interfering with one's quality of life and relationship. This article will offer some suggestions for managing this harmful emotion so it doesn't sabotage your relationship and cause undue stress for your well-being.

jolie du pre's picture

Gallup Poll Says 50 Percent of Americans Accept Gay Relations; Oh Really?

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So, now that we're halfway there, according to Gallup, should we lay this puppy to rest? Clayton M. McCleskey of the Dallas Morning News believes so. "So, hopefully this all adds up to mean we'll soon be able to lay this hot button topic to rest and move on. There are so many other, more important issues that we should spend our time debating."

Well, let's see now. Why don't I get together with my ex-girlfriend for the day? We can hold hands and walk down Chicago's Michigan Avenue. Along the route we'll kiss, once or twice. I wonder how far we'll get before some passerby shouts something cruel to us or worse. Michigan Avenue ain't Boys Town. It's populated with all sorts of individuals, including homophobes.

jolie du pre's picture

Do You Give a Damn?


As a bisexual woman posting on a sex-positive, gender equality website, I'd be preaching to the choir if it weren't for the fact that Sex Gender Body gets many different readers.

"The Give a Damn Campaign is for everybody who cares about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality." The project is the work of the True Colors Fund, founded by Cyndi Lauper, who has been a GLBT advocate for 25 years. (Cyndi says she's straight. I have to admit, I thought she wasn't.)

the gay love coach's picture

Shy Guys Make Good Boyfriends Too!

Introduction

You look up from your book at the coffee shop and become paralyzed with nervous anticipation as you see the hot guy you've been smitten with from afar sit down at the table across the room. He's alone today and what a great opportunity it would be to finally approach him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety is mounting as you visualize yourself doing this and you bury yourself back in your book. You feel your face burning as you berate yourself for not having the guts to make yourself known. "He'd never be interested in me!" "I'd just die if he rejected me!" "And what if he did show some interest? What would I say? He'd think I'm a complete idiot and loser the second I'd open my mouth!" These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find another guy has swooped in for the kill and has been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!

If you're a shy guy, and don't want to be, dating can be a frustrating and daunting experience. When you're out and about, it looks so easy for other guys to approach and cozy up to other men. Or if you do have advances made toward you, you just want to kick yourself when you freeze up and don't know what to say and feel like you've made a bad impression and scare him off.

This article will shed some light on the symptoms and psychology behind shyness and offer some suggestions for breaking free of its chains that hold you back from experiencing a satisfying social and dating life.

What It's Like For The Shy Guy

ptaguy's picture

Queer Myths Explained (Part II)



(Originally published on http://www.gaywarfare.blogspot.com/)

ptaguy's picture

Queer Myths Explained

- Part I -
(Orginally published on http://gaywarfare.blogspot.com/)
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  • the gay love coach's picture

    Gay & Single on Valentine's Day: 8 Holiday Survival Strategies

    Introduction

    For those singles unhappy with their relationship status, Valentine's Day can represent a sense of foreboding and dread as it highlights all the things they wish they had in their lives. Everywhere they look it seems like there is a happy couple on every street corner, and it seems inescapable to walk into a store without some image or product associated with the holiday being shoved in one's face to reinforce the value of love and relationships.

    arvan's picture

    Bent Bars Project

    The Bent Bars Project is a new letter-writing project for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, gender-variant, intersex, and queer prisoners in Britain.  The project aims to develop stronger connections and build solidarity between LGBTQ communities outside and inside prison walls.

    Although many overtly homophobic and transphobic laws have been recently overturned in Britain, the criminal (in)justice system continues to target and criminalize queer, trans and gender non-conforming people.  We don’t know exactly how many LGBTQ people are currently behind bars, but we do know queer, trans and gender non-conforming people, particularly those from poor backgrounds and communities of colour, are disproportionately funneled into the prison system as a result of systemic discrimination, inequality and social exclusion.   We also know that queer, trans and gender non-conforming people are subject to increased isolation, harassment, violence and assault when in prison.

    Mercedes Allen's picture

    Risky Thinking: The Implications of Sex and Gender Minority Advocacy

    (My apologies for self-quoting so much here, but this article brings together some threads made before, and therefore need to be linked)

    We're experiencing an interesting moment, even if it sometimes brings heavier negative $#!t than we've ever expected.  As a transsexual during the societal coming-out of transsexuality, it's kind of one of those rare glimpses within the split second of the rite of passage from obscurity to awareness.  Of course, it's longer than a split second relative to our own lives -- gays and lesbians made this transition in the early 1970s and are still not completely past the repercussive effect -- but it's still a moment on the cusp of a revolution, where we can look forward at those who trod the path toward acceptance, and then back at those who hide in the shadows, wishing to follow.

    At this moment, several different subcommunities are self-defining to the point of excluding others, sometimes vilifying and refusing to associate with them, all in the name of determining their own identity.  We've seen it before, I detailed a lot of how the transsexual vs. transgender rifts forming mimic the self-defining-to-exclusion that occurred in other minority groups in "Rocky Horror and the Holy Grail" and won't reopen that here.  But one thing I've kept hearing is about how trans is the "last great unprotected minority" and that kind of thinking boggles my mind.  Because in stepping back and looking at this from a perspective of sex and gender minorities, it seems to me that we are only just starting to come out.  And if we can't learn from those previous mistakes, we risk repeating the mistakes of the past in a tragic way.

    the gay love coach's picture

    It's All About Us: Running Your Own Personal Gay Relationship Pow-Wow

    Introduction

    Let’s face it--life can be pretty darn hectic sometimes! Juggling all those commitments and trying to balance the roles and responsibilities you have can be quite challenging, and the one area of your life that can take the biggest hit is your relationship. It can be so easy to take your partner for granted as you try to tackle all those work demands, return your friends’ phone calls, and meet those family obligations.  If you let it, your relationship can begin to lose its sense of priority, especially if you and your partner have gotten into a comfortable groove in the way you relate and function as a couple.  The obvious consequence to this is a weakening of connection, potential decreased intimacy, emotional distance, and resentment over unmet needs.

    All relationships, no matter how good, require consistent feeding. You must constantly nurture them, attend to them, and ensure that they remain healthy and strong.  This is especially so because relationships, and the individuals who comprise them, are always changing with the passage of time.  To not grow with the changes can result in a breakdown with inevitable conflict and sometimes demise.

    I’m a big advocate for doing periodic “check-ins” with your significant other to make sure the relationship is progressing in a mutually-satisfying direction.  Gay men (actually men in general!) typically tend to favor problem-solving and action over communication.  This thereby creates the potential for huge rifts to occur in their relationships because of the lack of dialogue to ensure they and their partners are on “the same page” with things that matter most.  This article will describe one strategy that can promote you and your partner’s focus on your relationship; this technique can help you avoid getting distracted by other forces in your life and remind you to communicate and tend to the needs of your relationship to keep feeding its successful growth.

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