intimacy

victorias sketchbook's picture

A visual celebration of intimacy

A visual celebration of intimacy… that’s the definition of the new word I made up to describe my artwork when I was pissed off at being called a pornographer. Today’s post is part II of the issue brought up in that blog; it’s rather lovely resolution. Intimography: a visual celebration of intimacy. I even made some business cards for myself with intimographer under my name, but so far everybody who’s read it says: “whaaaat?” New visions take time to catch on I suppose. People thought Vincent Van Gogh was crazy too and look at all the beauty he left us.

The human body is beautiful. And love is the most beautiful thing I know. When human bodies are used to actively love each other, it’s an even more incredibly-beautiful thing. Because that is  how I’ve always wanted sex to be for me, that’s why  draw it this way. I draw loving images of sex to replace the images of pornography that turn me off. Unlike what one might expect from erotic artwork, I do not do these drawings to turn myself on, either (or anyone else for that matter, even if they may have that effect). It’s more like a process of making peace.

the gay love coach's picture

Intimacy Freak-Out & Gay Men; Part 2

Introduction


This is the second installment in a 2-part article series about struggles with intimacy that are relatively common in gay relationships. In Part 1 of the series, “intimacy freak-out” was defined and the reasons why gay men are prone to this phenomenon were discussed. This article will address some of the common intimacy fears that could block your potential for true connection with your partner and will offer some tips for enhancing your comfort with intimacy to help you achieve ultimate relationship bliss!

the gay love coach's picture

Intimacy Freak-Out & Gay Men; Part 1

Introduction

“Intimacy freak-out.” You’ve seen it before. You’ve probably encountered it during your dating escapades. It happens when things seem to be going famously with that special guy you’ve been dating, and when things start getting just a little bit serious, BAM! He disappears, never to be heard from again, for no apparent reason. Or those men who will have sex with you, but they refuse to kiss you during foreplay and then they’re immediately clothed and out the door faster than a speeding bullet after they’ve had their climax. Or perhaps you’re in a long-term relationship and your partner isn’t a real big fan of cuddling or showing displays of affection. He seems distant, aloof, “cut off” from you at times. Or maybe you, yourself, struggle with detachment from your lover or have been told by him that you’re “too needy and clingy.”

the gay love coach's picture

Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 2

Introduction

This is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. In Part 1, you learned about the developmental stages that gay couples go through in their relationships and how declining passion is a normal phenomenon and indication that your partnership is growing and maturing. You also had the opportunity to complete a self-assessment to uncover any blocks that could stand in the way of your having more passion in your relationship. Part 2 will now offer some practical tips and suggestions for enhancing intimacy in your relationship to bring more life and spice to what you and your partner already share.

Annabelle River's picture

Why Would You Get Married?

For the last going-on-three years, my lovers and I have identified as polyamorous. Although I had only learned the word "polyamorous" two years earlier when I found the BDSM community, and I find that most people outside alternate-sexuality communities still haven't heard it. And explaining my whole "weird" philosophy every time both of my lovers come up in conversation gets long-winded and awkwardly personal. So I've discovered that more people recognize the term "open relationship." Not everyone has read The Ethical Slut, but "open relationships" are "normal" enough. I'm in an "open relationship" and then the conversation can move on.

Which was simple enough - until my "primary partner" and I announced that we were going to get married.

arvan's picture

FAT SEX: About Positions and Attitudes

I found this post at Dimensions Magazine.  It is frank and somewhat irreverent, written with a flippant usage of the word 'fat', which may be a trigger.  Nevertheless, if you read along, you will find that the position is to dispel, shatter and assault the negative myths and stereotypes about the sexual experience of large people.

The Mythology of Obesity tells us that sex with a fat partner is either fruitless or impossible. It's a prejudice that crosses all boundaries of race, class, education, and physique: you're as likely to encounter it in a gynecologist's office as in the pages of The National Lampoon.

In the real world, sex is more likely to be impeded by anxiety than adiposity. Fear of rejection, fear of not meeting the partner's expectations, and fear of not being able to perform are among the most common emotional barriers to intercourse. Some dysfunctional people harbor feelings of guilt over their sexual needs, or lack the skill or desire to stimulate their partner. Even mild anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance. Ignorance and inexperience contribute their own problems. "Frequently, for instance" reveals Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan in Psychology Today, "neither spouse knows where the clitoris is or recognizes its potential for eliciting erotic pleasure. They have intercourse as soon as the husband has an erection, and he ejaculates without considering whether his partner is ready. Such couples genuinely wonder why the wife does not reach orgasm."

Fat people suffer all these problems in spades. The social pressures they endure create numerous obstacles to sexual interaction. The most direct effect comes from dieting: prolonged semistarvation can seriously dampen the libido, and a woman who is losing weight can experience a disruption of her normal menstrual cycle. Indirect effects of prejudice include a lack of opportunity, a history of rejection, and a negative body image. "Some obese woman, fearful of competing for a man's interest, avoid interpersonal encounters and disparage males in general," writes Dr. Barbara E. Bess in the journal Consultant. "Once involved in a relationship, they doubt the partner's sincerity." Self-hatred manifests itself in a number of anti-erotic behaviors. "Some women are reluctant to act seductively for fear of rejection and ridicule. Young women ... express the desire to look 'sexy' and wear seductive clothes, but fear that men in particular will think them grotesque. ... Many obese persons attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their clothes on during sexual intimacy."

the gay love coach's picture

Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 1

Introduction

Many gay men in both short and long-term relationships report concern when the romance and passion in their partnerships decline or “dry up”, leading them to question themselves and fear for the future of their relationships. An unfortunate consequence of this is that many men break up with their partners prematurely at this point, have affairs, or turn to some form of addiction to cope under the mistaken notion that something is defective or wrong in their relationships. This article is the first in a two-part series and will describe how this phenomenon is a normal occurrence in healthy relationship development and how you can assess your own “relationship red flags” that could reinforce a passionless relationship with your boyfriend or partner.

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