jealousy

Alex Karydi's picture

Green Eyed Lesbian Monster: Jealousy in Lesbian Relationships

It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.

    By Lawrence Durrell

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When I was growing up my mother always told me, “Do not be jealous of others. Do not wish for what others have. Do not fight to possess and control someone, because in the end you will be alone as nothing belongings to us but is merely an experience.” She was a wise Buddhist that attempted to sooth a young adolescents’ tantrums of wants that weren’t fulfilled.

It is true today, that I rarely feel jealous or envy, which I account for my upbringing and the love I was given as a child. Therefore, in the spirit of my mom I would like to pass on a footnote of knowledge hopefully, lightening up the weight of those emotions that have a hunger for our soul: jealous, anger and envy.

lovemagician's picture

The Heart of Polyamory: The Elephant in the Living Room

By Millie Jackson

I continue to be very close with an ex girlfriend. We were partnered in what was my last monogamous relationship.  After four years together, we attended a workshop on polyamory at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival.  This gave us a context and the vocabulary to begin seriously discussing the prospect of opening our relationship.  Although we agreed that polyamory aligned with our philosophical and spiritual beliefs, we didn’t know how to access the poly life-style.  Our relationship ultimately ended after almost eight years together before we had the opportunity to explore polyamory.

There were ups and downs throughout the break-up.  Since we were financially enmeshed and shared a lease on a house that was our home and our businesses, this process dragged out for an excruciating six months.  This emotionally challenging period eventually led to us taking much needed time apart without any contact.  This was difficult given that we had been not only lovers but best friends, roommates, business associates, and travel companions.  We did everything together--we shared expenses, shared meals, and shared a level of intimacy we had never known before.

Annabelle River's picture

Beyond the Green-Eyed Monster

Last weekend I went to a panel question-and-answer session geared toward newbies in the kink Scene.  And the only question to specifically address non-monogamy was, "How do you deal with jealousy?"  Which is the same first question I've gotten from most of my monogamous friends, and the same question that dominates a healthy percentage of polyamory discussion groups.  It's an obvious question and an extremely legitimate one.  But I don't understand how jealousy merits such be-all-end-all importance.

I don't pretend to be somehow immune to jealousy; of course I've been jealous of lover's other lovers before, and it's a miserable feeling.  But then I have two options, which are: (1) Deal with it; or (2) Tell my husband and boyfriend that I want to be monogamous, in which case I would have to break up with at least one of them.  And in the last three and a half years, there has never been a split-second that I honestly thought Option #2 could be less heartbreaking or melodramatic for me than dealing with jealousy.

ChantelleAustin's picture

Watch Out For Jealousy In Unexpected Places

Jealousy is often talked about in this lifestyle when it comes to the couple and their relationship with each other, they can’t be jealous or possessive with their partner in order to swing and enj

the gay love coach's picture

Squashing Jealousy in Gay Relationships

Introduction

You might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover “the look-over.” You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. Or you might experience it if you have an “open relationship” and you know your partner is out “tricking.” Whatever its form, jealousy can take on many different faces and it can kill your relationship if it’s not managed appropriately. If you’re the one who’s afflicted with jealousy, it can torment and consume you, zapping you of all security and contentment. If you’re the partner of a jealous lover, your frustration at having to “walk on eggshells” and constantly reassure your guy of your commitment to him can be maddening.

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