arvan's picture

oh noez, the divorce monster!

Do you ever think back to shit you said and realize what a jackass you are/were?  It happens to me all the time.

When I was 9, I had a conversation with my childhood best friend about the evils of divorce and how a woman can take everything a man works for.  We talked about how unfair that is to men and we promised to a) never marry and b) never join the army.  I kept neither promise.

Where the hell does a boy of 9 get such thoughts?  That sexist message came from the adults around me - along with a great many other messages.

In the fishbowl of our childhood world: school, playing outside and family time - we took in the news, values and questions of the world around us and struggled to form our own minds.  As kids, we traveled in and out of these vastly differing conversations of the adults around us.  Our world was a maze of sidewalks, alleys, classrooms, kitchens, yards, church basements and family gatherings.  My friend and I roamed the self-carved paths and tunnels of our daily navigation like ants in a colony.

The world was changing.

arvan's picture

Sex before marriage is rape: Delhi high court

New Delhi: The Delhi high court on Monday held that sex without marriage amounted to rape.

The court rejected pre-arrest bail to a man who repeatedly had sex with a woman but refused to marry her even after their engagement.

The woman stayed with her fiance, Nikhil Prasar, in Mumbai for a few days, “where they had fun, and then went to Delhi and stayed in a hotel where they had sex”.

When it came to fixing a date for marriage, however, Nikhil refused, on the grounds that he had learned that she belonged to a different caste.

The woman complained to the police and a rape case was registered.

Justice VK Jain said the caste factor was an afterthought by Prasar, who then absconded.  Could he marry “any girl merely because she belonged to a particular caste or sub-caste, even if he did not approve of her personality, temperament, education, culture, upbringing, and family background", the court asked.

ChantelleAustin's picture

Some People Suck!

Be warned, I'm on my soapbox and I'm venting!

arvan's picture

On being an unperson

Being an unperson means being at the mercy of opinions that other people have about you.

This video was created as a presentation on the experience of being treated as a 'person with disabilities' rather than as a person.  We all want to be known as the person we are and for many of us, the dismissal of our identity comes in small doses.  For others, it is a complete disregard.  Sometimes the denial of our identity is violent, sometimes silent.  However, for any of us, when we are denied recognition and acknowledgment of our identity - it is the most insulting and most painful assault there is.  

LiberatingPorn's picture

The Utter Devilry of Sex Will Destroy Your Kids (Right?)

I am, to a certain degree, a street kid. My friends and I were not kids whose parents forced into little leagues, and we never had much interest in that stuff anyway. We ran the streets.

ChiTownSeeker's picture

Gay Hating Tornadoes and God's People

I'm not a theologian. I'm not a priest or a pastor. I'm someone who seeks truth within the context of attempting to live a Christian life.

I feel more comfortable calling myself a Seeker rather than a Christian. On good days I may even call myself a Christ Follower, but I wouldn't say I'm 100 percent there.

I am also gay, which often puts me right in the middle of a lot of crossfire. I often wish I could live a nice, quiet existence without all the controversy that my sexuality creates in spite of or because of my faith.

I actually hate this position.

I've heard about the ELCA tornado incident and this guy named John Piper for about a week now. I didn't know what ELCA meant or who John Piper was. I just knew people were upset and that there was a lot of buzz about it.

book of blue's picture

Looking in the Mirror of Feminism

Simone. Photo by Eric Francis.

After my email exchange with Betty Dodson last night, I went digging through the index of The Whole Woman and looked up masturbation. And I got an eyeful. After reading Betty’s article posted below, I had a feeling that Germaine Greer was not going to be particularly friendly toward a subject that just about everyone loves so well, but I was actually surprised at how hostile she was.

If you look in the index, masturbation is first listed on page 191, and when you get there, the chapter is called “Sex.” The discussion of “sex” begins with an attack on pornography, what she terms the “sex of the millennium.”

Here is what she says.

“Pornography is the sexuality of the information revolution, elaborated to achieve all the staggering impact of which the megamedia are capable, projecting the images of the best known sex objects as far as distant planets in galaxies unknown.”

arvan's picture

Empathy and Eugenics on the Supreme Court

Posted by Pete Shanks (BioPoliticalTimes)

Oliver Wendell Holmes
Oliver Wendell Holmes

In 1927, involuntary sterilization was legitimized by the U.S. Supreme Court, in the notorious case of Buck vs. Bell, which stains the reputation of the great jurist Oliver Wendell Holmes. Technically, that decision still stands, though the laws it upheld have been overturned.

President Obama was absolutely correct when he said that "justice isn't about some abstract legal theory or footnote in a casebook, it is also about how laws affect the daily realities of peoples lives," and went on to describe "empathy" as "an essential ingredient for arriving at just decisions and outcomes." In today's Los Angeles Times, Michael Hiltzik pushes back hard against criticism of "empathy" as a qualification, using Buck vs. Bell as his case study:

Certainly Holmes' background showed. His upbringing as the son of an eminent Boston physician, his Harvard education and experience as a commercial lawyer arguably blinded him to the humanity of those whose lives fell outside the scope of his experience.

Supporters of eugenics were often distinguished people. But they were arrogant and blind to the worth of (some) others. That's a continuing problem; empathy is a good antidote.

Annabelle River's picture

The Mary Kay Epilogue


I love Susie Bright. I first discovered her essays when I was in college, and I give her a lot of credit for my college epiphany that being a feminist and being a slut were not, after all mutually exclusive: That not only could I be an empowered woman and a masochist cock-craver, but that I could only become an empowered woman if I let go of the shame for my honest sexual desires. Thank you Susie Bright. I still follow her blog eagerly, although most of the time now it makes me feel like her proverbial preacher's choir.

Then, a couple weeks ago, Susie Bright covered the current whereabouts of Mary Kay Fualaau, better known to people who had access to television in the 1990's as Mary Kay Letourneau. For those who don't remember, Mary Kay Letourneau was imprisoned in 1997 for having sex with and becoming impregnated by her thirteen-year-old student, Vili Fualaau. She was released in January 1998, but by February she went back to jail for planning to run away with boy, and that October she gave birth to their second child. In 2001, Vili Fualaau's mother sued the school and police for failing to keep her son safe, but she lost: Police attorney Anne Bremner successfully convinced a jury, "Fualaau and Letourneau still 'see themselves as Romeo and Juliet' and want to get married... adding that there was nothing anyone could have done to keep the two apart." Letourneau finished her second jail sentence in 2004, at which point Fualaau, then 21, successfully petitioned the court to let him see her again. They married in 2005, in a ceremony covered by Entertainment Tonight. And now they have celebrated their fourth marriage anniversary, and host an event in a Seattle bar called "Hot for Teacher."

arvan's picture

Fat Enough to Belong?

Dimensions Magazine is really turning into a great place to find personal and engaging talk on how large individuals identify themselves to society and are identified by society.  The site provides a clear demonstration of how we all seek to be known for who we are, in our own words.  This desire (often times a struggle) varies only by subject matter.  Whether it is weight, BDSM, gender, age, disability or any other conversation about who we are in the world, we all have a unique self that we know ourselves to be.  We all look for a way for others to see that and to accept us as we define ourselves.







by Sally E. Smith

The choice of models featured in the last issue of Dimensions brought up an old question: who is fat enough to belong to the size acceptance movement? The answer should be obvious, but apparently, to many people it is not.

The differences between the two models featured in the last issue of Dimensions (175 pound Catherine and super-size Cathy) were obvious--or were they? While it's true that one model outweighed the other by 300 pounds, the experiences of both women were similar on many levels. The inclusion of a 175-pound model in the pages of Dimensions generated reader comments that range from indignation that featuring a "skinny" model, to admissions that many FAs also find "smaller" large woman attractive, to kudos for embracing size diversity.

This spectrum of reactions mirrors issues that have plagued the size acceptance movement for many years, such as sizism within the movement, the prioritization of the movement' s work, and even how groups and organizations define themselves.

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