Lesbian Love

Alex Karydi's picture

The L in Love vs. Lust in Lesbian Relationships

I am obsessed, crazy and infatuated right now!  I can barely think of how to put on my clothes the correct way.  I am forgetting to eat and sleep is completely irrelevant when you are on my mind, devouring my every thought.

My stomach is in knots and I know I have checked my phone to see if your name is on the screen a thousand times this last hour.  Seconds feel like minutes and hours feel like a slow death when I have had no contact with you.

You mention another woman’s name and the killer in me comes out, wanting to wrap you in an invisible cloak so no one steals you away from me.  You’ve changed me, moved me to where all I want is to melt inside of you. I want to be part of you, to feel every ounce of what makes me crazy.  

When lust sneaks into our soul a whirlwind of sexual energy begins to build, often it confuses its host and leaves a path of destruction soon forgotten.  Some of my worst decisions and financial burdens have come from lusting in those initial months of a new relationship.

In my manic infatuation I have spent money I didn’t have and been drawn into a coma that last more hours then I have slept thinking of every curve on her body. I have become lost in how her clothes fall off her when I pull them apart, the taste of her lips against mine, the smell of her skin, the heat of her breath that flushes my skin and how when I am naked against her body I soften into her and want to be lost forever.

Alex Karydi's picture

I'm seeing the Lesbian Relationship Myths I just want the Truth!

So where did we leave off? Yes, mixed messages, dysfunctional thinking, fear of abandonment, and insecurities, the perfect recipe for an unhappy self and unhealthy relationship. So how do we change?

How do I move past this and into something healthy. Lets look at four more myths and then work on soothing and healing the wounds from within.

When people hear the word healing they begin to assume that it means to be happy all the time. Do you know anyone that is happy all the time? (and not because they are on something that's making it so)

Myth- that in order "to make a relationship work I have to be happy all the time," and make things agreeable for my partner. Well that works if your Super Woman and you have an endless supply of energy. However, if your like me, a mortal with ups and downs then acceptance is the key.

Alex Karydi's picture

Lesbian Relationship Myths versus Truths!

You are Gay, you live in a city and you have or are in search of a relationship. Life moves fast and we are all trying to accomplish all our goals and have a woman in our life that loves us, nourishes us, and allows us to be ourselves. So what is the problem? Why can we not find a long-term relationship that is healthy and real?

Finding a long-term healthy relationship is a personal journey and in order to do so we are going to have to break down the myths of relationships. These myths make us unhealthy and attract the crazies versus truths of being in a relationship. Hopefully this will allow you to have some realistic expectations of yourself, women and relationships.

1.Okay, so this one is pretty common: "If I have a girlfriend then I will lose my identity." The reality is that if you have been in a relationship where the person has taken your identity you probably were not in good shape. Relationships are meant to enhance us. They are meant to fill us so more of who we are can shine. If you are stunted in your relationship it might be time for a talk or get counseling for you and her. No one can take pieces of who you are unless you allow it.

Alex Karydi's picture

Coming Out with The Lesbian Guru

Coming out Lesbians!  This is a celebration of your true identity being unveiled and released into the world.  I wish there were a more beautiful and transformational term to refer to the process of developing and sharing your sexual orientation. I believe if it were a more affirmative term it would create a more positive and hopeful experience. Words have a powerful and energetic effect on people when said, thought, and expressed. 

Everyone’s coming out story is so unique, an imprint on our life’s journey, so powerful it can have a life altering effect on where it leads us in our future and how we perceive the world and those we hold closest to us. For some lesbian’s coming out is met with love and support, as well as “yeah, everyone knew already.”

I was so frightened to tell my sister, the only family I had, that I was going to be exclusively with women and that I figured out why I could not connect with men as much as I tried, “I am Gay!” Her response was witty and dry as always to her true form, “Babes, I don’t know about you but if you’ve been looking under girls skirts since you were six you probably are Gay!” We both laughed and that was the end of it, now she is the most supportive and loving person in my life and I get to enjoy being completely true to who I am with her.

This is not to say that all my “Yes I’m a homo” experiences have been as pleasant.  Coming out is a long and difficult struggle and will often be met with a lot of resistance? In fact I had a couple of childhood female friends that became angry with me. They thought that during our friendship I may have secretly desired them and didn’t tell them.

Alex Karydi's picture

Lesbian Online Dating

Where are Lesbians meeting other Lesbians? Our community, as small as it is and as incestuous as it is known for has been having a hard time finding legitimate mates.  

Many Lesbians meet there next partner through there ex (whom often they return to for a few more rounds) or in a bar (because the ladies do like to drink a fair bit) that it has become a challenging experience to find an interesting untouched female that has not been through the multiple girl circles we belong too.

In therapy I am constantly asked where do gay women meet up? Especially if you are in some kind of alcohol and drug recovery or have dated so many psychos in the same area code that you need a new hopeful experience! Well the Internet is the new way to date, actually not so new but where more and more gay woman are congregating to find their soul mate.

Online you safely put a profile up, some nice photos and basically advertise yourself to the United States or even the world of Lesbians in search for love. In the sea of women, contacts are established; friendships are formulated and sometimes through the timeless romantic form of communication, known as “love letters” you find someone.

Alex Karydi's picture

Finding your Inner Lesbian

When did love become a race? When did the earth become such a lonely place or so scary that we all decided to bump into as many people in hopes of meeting someone and finding love? With all the advertising and social pressure to find this person, this soul mate; we have lost the ability to be on our own. We do not know how to enjoy ourselves or even if we are worth being enjoyed.

There is some truth in that, if you do not know who you are or what you like, then how will you expose it to anyone else? It is ironic that there are thousands of books on building self-esteem and self-love that are written and television shows  that makes millions on helping you find it, when really it is available immediately within you!  We all know what makes us feel good, because our experiences in life teach us that.

We know what pulls us down because it’s like a familiar banner that runs through our minds every day, when we are tired, angry, lonely, or hungry (because your diet affects your mood)! We see it; listen to it like an obedient dog that has been trained to hear the negative self-talk and go as directed “Yes, I’m stupid”, “You  are right I will never get her she is too good for me”, “Nothing I do is ever right”, “Who am I kidding this will never work.” 

Yes, I know those lines too, I have said them more than I care to think about to myself. Why is it people do not see their full potential? Why are we not able to focus on ourselves for long enough to build love and trust in who we are? We as a community and not just Gay women, but society rely so much on what others think and how they behave towards us?

Alex Karydi's picture

The Lesbian Science of Love

You say love is a gut feeling, that it's something that you just know? Then why doesn't it always keep the intensity and relationship going? If it's such a strong emotion, if who we are drawn too is so animalistic and uncontrollable then why doesn't it always last!

Attraction is just the initial trigger that pushes you into a relationship with another person, unfortunately it is not the main component that will maintain a healthy and fulfilling lesbian relationship. There are four important skills of a healthy relationship that have been studied and found in long-term relationships that have increased love and intimacy in couples. Knowledge and practice of these skills have been found to sustain couples through their hard times together, as well as allow for growth in the individual and the family system. Learning these four skills and putting them into action on a daily basis will increase the success of your relationship as well as maintain healthy boundaries and love for each other.

Let's explore these skills further:

Alex Karydi's picture

Am I ready to be a Lesbian Parent?

So it's decided, you can't walk pass the baby aisle at Target without whimpering you want one. You keep looking at each other wondering what your little bundle of joy will look like and what part each of you will play in the baby's life! You already started picking names and have transformed the extra room into a nursery! You want a baby, you're talking about getting more involved in your girlfriend's child or children's lives, or maybe you're talking about adoption! But are you ready for a child?

With any couple it's important that you talk about having a baby or children seriously before going through the process. It's a lifetime commitment to another human being with no take backs! Having a child needs to be a choice that feels comfortable within yourself and as a couple. As well as deciding to become more involved in your partners offspring is a serious matter, the attachment a child forms can be a model for future relationships, and as you all know abandonment can stay scared beyond the early years.

In the LGBT world we have so many obstacles as it is and walls we need to break through it is vital for a child's success that you have to be willing to accept and educate the challenges that you'll have to face as a Lesbian mom or LGBT parent. Being stable in all areas of life will make the journey of having children a lot easier, so explore where you are financial, career wise, mentally, emotionally, and as a relationship. One big mistake so many people do, no matter what our sexual orientation, is to have a child to keep the relationship. The truth is that having a baby is so stressful from conception to the delivery and beyond that if there is no solid foundation within your relationship it will crumble!  So are you ready?

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