Lesbian Self-Sabotage

Alex Karydi's picture

The Lesbian Sabotage

I walked into my therapist office (aka my co-worker whom I love and adore) and sat on her comfy client’s chair and with a big smile said “Guess what? I met someone! She is perfection, seriously Robin she is magnificent and I am crazy about this girl!” All the while my sweet Lady of Reason is nodding her head with her pen gently pressed against her lip with a half smile.

She waits for me to finish my ecstatic advertisement of my new found love and says with her gentle but firm therapist tone “Wow, have you slept with her yet?” “No, Ma’am this one I am going to take my time with and get to know… no more psychodyckos for me she is the real deal!” As she looks down at the ground which she always does just before she says something she thinks may hurt me “That’s great, you did good… So how are you going to stop your self-sabotaging ways with this one?”

I felt my gut turn because I knew exactly what she was referring too, she’s never actually referred it to me like that before but none the less she’s seen me go through enough relationships where my mind and behavior fought and pushed away the one I love.

Have you ever started a relationship and then began the search for what is not right about the person? Oh Lord, I hate when I begin this quest! It is as if my heart begins to beat fast and my mind slows down and says, “Now remember everyone is crazy and wants something so DO NOT trust this person.”  You begin to nitpick at every possible thing you can find to reassure and empower your negative thinking. 

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