Serena Anderlini's picture

Polyamory, Is It Possible? Interview with Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio

The following interview was recorded by Tatami RaiTre, Italian Public TV 
February 15th, 2009

Participants: Hostess Camilla Raznovich; Guests: Serena Anderlini, Michela Marzano, Ricky Tognazzi

Camilla Raznovich:  Good evening, Serena Anderlini, theorist and practitioner of polyamory, a topic about which she has written many books.  So, I’d like to understand how you figured out that you had a tendency to love more than one partner at the same time.

Serena Anderlini:  I figured it out because I loved the people with whom my partners fell in love.  If they fell in love with them, I fell in love with them too, and so I wanted to transform the negative energies of hatred, envy, jealousy, into a positive energy in which I was able to share this love.  It was a rather long path because one cannot easily transform a negative sentiment into a positive one, one has to go though a whole process of inner transformation, a spiritual process that makes one capable of embracing a type of love that is not possessive.  For me this is comparable to a father, or a mother, who have twelve children.  Will the twelve children be less loved?  No.  At times in these big families people love each other a lot, so why can’t this multiplicity also happen also in the area of partners, why?  Why is love for our children supposed to be altruistic and love for one’s partners egotistic?  Why?

CR: And at this time, how many partners do you have?

SA: I didn’t come here to tell you that. It’s none of your business.  (Applause.)

CR: But you have more than one at the same time?

SA: Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.

The Ultimates's picture

Something Different for Swingers at the Pleasure Salon?

By Teri (of Teri & Kevin, “The Ultimates”)

Last Tuesday’s Pleasure Salon was an open, successful, sex-positive experience once again.  We met several new people, many of whom were affiliated with local polyamory groups.  We were also happy to have another lifestyle couple attend.  Kev was able to introduce himself and have a short conversation with them; unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to meet them before they left.  I was dismayed to see them leave early, and I later learned that they had been expecting something completely different.

Swingers usually like to stay within their own lifestyle community when venturing to clubs for meet and greets.  Although we try to be as descriptive as possible when inviting lifestyle couples to the Pleasure Salon (it’s open to all sex-positive communities), we worry that the swingers who attend are going to be surprised or, worse, put off by the lack of couple-focused discussion.  You see, most meet and greets for swingers are designed to allow for potential hook-ups.  That is not the case with the Pleasure Salon, and I think we need to be a bit more clear about that when we invite other swingers. 

The Ultimates's picture

Second Thoughts


We just got off the phone with an editor from a local magazine. He is writing a story about us (it's a feature about swingers who teach a class for potential swingers in Chicago).  He wanted to clarify a few things before wrapping it up, and his questions and comments left us strangely unsettled. 

At first it sounded exciting, being featured in a big, important magazine and sharing the basic aspects of our non-monogamous, sex-positive lifestyle.  We felt confident and bold, even agreeing to allow the use of our names and photos. But today, after the phone call, we are less confident.

We talk big, say we don't care about our employers finding out, our neighbors knowing ... but do we? We act confident, even put our photos in our class advertisement ... but are we? Are we as bold and free as we think we are? Or are we just as hypocritical and fearful as the closeted swingers we criticize?

The Ultimates's picture

Confession of a Situational Bisexual

In the swinger scene, bi is the new black.  Approximately 90 percent of women in the lifestyle refer to themselves as bisexual, bi-friendly or bi-curious. And I estimate that 10 percent of those bi-something women are actually lesbians who are married to men, but who swing with other couples in order to play with women. 

My bisexual standing is something of a mystery to me.  I don’t know how to label myself.  While I’ve had many bisexual experiences, I’ve only been turned on by a handful of woman (that very athletic basketball player in college, that beautiful, androgynous sex toy shop owner in Chicago and the amazing sexologist who reminds me of my favorite boss).  Since I’m a swinger, I need to define myself for other potential playmates so, as a willing -- but not bona fide -- bisexual, I label myself “bi-friendly” on my swinger profile. 

One of our early lifestyle experiences showed me just how limited labels can be. When we first joined the lifestyle, Kev and I discovered one of the “lesbian” swingers.  We were inexperienced and anxious to get our feet wet so, when John, the husband, contacted us, he very bluntly told us his wife was “more bi than straight.” In our eagerness, Kev and I heard “My wife is bi, so come on over and join us in the hot tub for sex.”

The Ultimates's picture

Practical Tips for Swinger Wannabes

Most people know that couples who are swingers, (in “the lifestyle”) define a committed relationship as one which does not include monogamy. But having sex with other people is not the only trait that separates swingers from the vanilla (non-swinger) mainstream.  There is a whole swinger culture which includes, among other things, specific grooming, clothing, products and sexual behavior.  

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