love

Alex Karydi's picture

How to make Lesbian Friendships

Ever feel at a loss? Are you completely consumed by life demands? At times it feels like we are on a stage and everyone is watching us fail! We have a sense of lose, as if it is within reach but like a toy that’s been taken by the ocean’s current it has slipped away.

 

Every relationship has left a trace, maybe even jaded our view of life and love to a point where even if perfection was to walk in it would seem impossible to see her! Or maybe even want her. Why want what you can’t have or ever keep.

You go out and every woman looks the same, every woman sounds the same, so familiar on the surface nothing has changed.  We have the same discussion with different faces and hear the same empty promises and speech of lost loves and new beginnings. 

We have become committed to finding a partner so badly that for most of us friendships have been put aside, until that someone comes along. Others of us have been in relationships where being with one another was sufficient and slowly isolated you from the world. Friendship, the unconditional love we have for what once was a stranger is the equivalent to oxygen in a healthy person.

arvan's picture

My response to: The Pros and Cons of dating a druggie

If you prick us, do we not bleed?
if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison
us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not
revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will
resemble you in that.

      (William Shakespeare)

I read this post at The Most Cake, earlier today.  It's a tongue-in-cheek look at being in relationship with someone that uses drugs.  I tweeted it in part for the humor and in part for the willingness to look at something from another point of view.

In some of the replies to the tweet and in the comment field of the post itself, I began to notice something.  Several people really laid into either the post itself or drug users in general.  I saw a bit of a familiar pattern emerge. 

It is similar to the monkey-pile I see people jump onto when targeting transfolk, queers in general, women and so on.  It is the mob brutality of gangs targeting individuals.

Society so readily accepts the negative judgment of drug users and the "othering" / damning of them.   How happy we are to flog someone in the village square for the crime of not being who we think they should be - and how their not being "good" is used by us as license to blast them with language, isolation and punishment - including violence.  In short, dehumanizing them is unquestioned and relentless.

But the point is that "druggies" are no less human and no less likely to be in a relationship.  They are just as likely to be loved by someone:  a lover, a sibling, a parent and that they are no less deserving of love than anyone else.

People sit in judgment under the banner of being "morally superior", but what kind of morality can issue the vicious attacks by someone onto another person whom they perceive to be weaker than themselves?

Perhaps my own road from addiction to sobriety allows me to look back to the desires I had for love, human touch and community - even in the throes of my addiction.  Perhaps I have learned after half a century that opinion and judgment are not nearly so valuable as we would have others believe.

-arvan

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Bodies and Souls: The Century Project

Frank Cordelle had an idea. He took nude photographs of women whose ages spanned over a century. The first picture is of the head of a baby girl crowning through her mother’s vagina. Not quite making it to a hundred, the last picture is of a 94-year-old woman whose photograph is accompanied by the following message:

I posed so some old lady will not fear age, and some old men would know old women are not so strange. I loved the challenge of posing nude, such excitement! My husband would have said, “Some picture, kid!”

Most of the pictures are in fact accompanied by a message written by the women themselves and although I did not read the entire book, I did take a look at the excerpts on Frank’s website and let me tell you they are heartbreaking, but in a good way. My eyes literally welled up with tears. As did my neighbors eyes when I told her about the project and the stories these brave women have shared.

lovemagician's picture

The Heart of Polyamory: Primarily Secondary

By Millie Jackson

Although contentious, commonly used terms in polyamory are “primary”, “secondary” and “tertiary” which represent different levels of relationships. The controversy stems from how the terms are used and if they imply status for lovers or simply reflect the degree to which a lover is involved with the day-to-day life of a partner. Many people object to the hierarchical implications but begrudgingly use the terms because of a lack of good alternatives.

“Primaries” typically live together, share expenses, may raise children together and, whether married or not, are usually overtly acknowledged by friends, family, co-workers and the like as being a couple. “Secondaries” tend to be romantically and sexually involved without sharing as much of the practicalities of day-to-day living associated with a “primary” relationship and may not be publically acknowledged as lovers. “Tertiaries” have even less if any involvement in day-to-day living, often live out-of-town and/or have other circumstances that cause contact to be infrequent, sometimes with visits limited to a few times a year or less.

arvan's picture

Lovely commercial about trans persons

I saw this and loved it.   It is an advert for Renault and incorporates trans persons in a lovely way.  I am so happy that we are moving forward in this world, away from ignorance and hatred.  Some days, it seems like we're making no progress at all.  But, then something like this comes along and I can see that we are moving to a society of acceptance and embrace.

- arvan

Mercedes Allen's picture

Risky Thinking: The Implications of Sex and Gender Minority Advocacy

(My apologies for self-quoting so much here, but this article brings together some threads made before, and therefore need to be linked)

We're experiencing an interesting moment, even if it sometimes brings heavier negative $#!t than we've ever expected.  As a transsexual during the societal coming-out of transsexuality, it's kind of one of those rare glimpses within the split second of the rite of passage from obscurity to awareness.  Of course, it's longer than a split second relative to our own lives -- gays and lesbians made this transition in the early 1970s and are still not completely past the repercussive effect -- but it's still a moment on the cusp of a revolution, where we can look forward at those who trod the path toward acceptance, and then back at those who hide in the shadows, wishing to follow.

At this moment, several different subcommunities are self-defining to the point of excluding others, sometimes vilifying and refusing to associate with them, all in the name of determining their own identity.  We've seen it before, I detailed a lot of how the transsexual vs. transgender rifts forming mimic the self-defining-to-exclusion that occurred in other minority groups in "Rocky Horror and the Holy Grail" and won't reopen that here.  But one thing I've kept hearing is about how trans is the "last great unprotected minority" and that kind of thinking boggles my mind.  Because in stepping back and looking at this from a perspective of sex and gender minorities, it seems to me that we are only just starting to come out.  And if we can't learn from those previous mistakes, we risk repeating the mistakes of the past in a tragic way.

lovemagician's picture

Something for Every Body: Well Into the New Year

By Millie Jackson

Many of us head into January with notions of transforming some aspect of ourselves. Health and wellness are common areas of focus with popular resolutions like losing weight, exercising, quitting smoking, getting more rest, cutting back on alcohol and caffeine, etc.

Despite our present state of wellness, we can improve upon facets of our well-being.  Regardless of the time of year or the day of the week, each moment presents opportunities to make progress.  Simply put, any day is a good day to resolve to be healthier.

Pondering our current condition—comparing where we are to where we want to be—can be a source of empowerment.  Let your potential get you excited about implementing positive changes; It would be counter-productive to let the evaluation lead you into discouragement. Instead of draining energy on self-judgment, channel it into forward momentum.  Consider the prospect of improving your wellness as a “get to” versus “got to” endeavor.  I find that the first expression connotes “opportunity”, while the second implies “obligation” and “drudgery”.

lustwithwings's picture

To the straight mind

It is bizarre to me that a mode of action as obvious as doing what one feels (biologically, psychologically, logically) is, for the majority of persons, unt

victorias sketchbook's picture

Teenager-mom Heart-to-Heart about Pornography

from Victoria's Sex Blog



Until you’ve actually had a baby, you cannot have a CLUE what you’re in for… and it’s the same with sex. I remember my shock (and absolute THRILL!) the first time a male hand slid behind the zipper of my jeans to touch my pelvis, and lower… and although I’d been doing some heavy duty making out until then, I had absolutely no idea how fabulous another person’s touch could feel on my private parts. I guess I am one of the fortunate young girls who truly was a virgin before that happened; from the stories I have heard from girlfriends, it’s not quite the same when you have already been touched way before you were ready or willing.


After reading about the negative effects of too-accessible pornography on children and youth, I sat down with my two teenage boys and told them we were going to have a talk about just that. They were pretty cool about it… they knew I knew they looked at porn (although I don’t know how much) and they know I know something about it because they know that I’ve drawn it, although I can’t be sure about how much of my work they have actually seen either. My attitude up until now has been to keep this work discreet, but not completely hidden; they know I draw and photograph the nude body and they know I do something about sexuality, but what exactly…?

victorias sketchbook's picture

If love is timeless, loving sexual contact can be too!

from Victoria's Sex Blog



As I get older, it’s becoming clearer to me that we really know nothing about anything until we’ve actually experienced it.  And we’re never really prepared for it until we get there. I just read a most disturbing report about the impact of Internet pornography on youth and children by two Montreal reporters, Isabelle Maher and Martin Bisaillon - if you read French, please look it up. They are sounding an alarm that needs to be sounded loud and clear to make us (adults-parents-society) wake up to the devastating impact that overly accessible porn-as-sex-education is having on our children. So today I want to focus, as usual, on love expressed sexually, by honouring some people who have long been making an effort to make a difference.


Bill and Desiree, whom I had the pleasure of illustrating together from a photo-still (above) are people who care enough about sharing positive images of sexuality to share their own private moments of passion with others. Both have written for sex-positive publications, and Bill writes lovely erotic poetry that I have already included and will continue to publish on this blog. Last year they shared their story through interviews and scenes of lovemaking with Comstock films, a couple-run company that makes DVDs of real people having real sex, and I was fortunate enough to be able to see their particular DVD and use stills from it to create drawings. Thank you  Joan Price for putting us in contact, to Tony and Peggy at Comstock for allowing this precious collaboration, and to Bill and Desiree for continuing to spread their love!


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