non-monogamy

rabbitwhite's picture

How Feminism Has Changed Relationships

I was in highschool during the turn of the millennium, it was a time when a classic-put down for my age group had suddenly become lost. Slut was a word that sounded powerful, that one might cut up from a magazine to proudly paste onto her decoupaged notebook, a word she might see emblazoned in rhinestones on a baby-tee, and stand in awe of. This was also a time of many hook-ups for my peers, we didn’t date, we “talked” which usually meant a few phone calls and some heavy petting. In college, it went from talking upfront to fucking upfront and it seemed everyone I knew had swapped fluids with one and other at some point. People still shacked up of course, but it was usually after a hook-up rather than picking- her-up for dinner and a movie.

Long dead are rules and etiquette and courting. The hook-up culture of one night whirlwinds, easy-to-get antibiotics and readily available contraception is in full swinging swing. And aside from the Christian Right, the lot of us are backing it with an enthusiastic ass-slap. Thanks to feminism, the aforementioned contraceptives, divorce forgoing taboo and later and later marriages all of this can happen. Pro-sex feminism has given us an era where the term “slut” is an endearing word among friends.

But with the old rules abolished, and no new ones in place are we progressing? Or as Charlotte Allen suggests in her article, The New Dating Game, have we simply removed the rules and de-evolutionized, entering back into the Paleolithic age of dating. Where, as she writes “the men drag the women by their hair back to the cave, and the women love every minute of it.”

letseatcake's picture

What About The Children?? Polyamorous Parenting

I’m not sure about you other poly parents (wait, do those even exist?), but one thing I hear over and over again is, “I guess being open is cool, but I feel sorry for the kids.”  In f

pepomint's picture

The Valley of the Dolls

This is the first in a series of essays on nonmonogamy targeted at men who are attracted to women, talking about men's interactions with women in nonmonogamous communities. Once the series is complete, it will be collected into a guide to nonmonogamy for men and posted to my freaksexual blog. Some of the things I say in this series will apply to women and men who are attracted to men, but not everything.

Men have this persistent fantasy that if you just find the right scene, if you poke your head through the right door, you will happen upon rooms full of gorgeous women eager to have sex with you.

We see this in porn all the time. The primary justification for people having sex in porn movies seems to be that they have found themselves in the same room. Or perhaps outdoors in the same location. Their response to this incredible coincidence is: "Oh hi! Wanna fuck?" Sometimes they throw in a little bit of justification to spice things up. "Oh hi! You're the plumber! Wanna fuck?" "Oh hi, hubby! You just caught me having sex with the pool boy! Wanna fuck?" "Oh hi! I'm interviewing for a job. Wanna fuck?"

This is of course not just confined to video porn. Pick up Letters to Penthouse sometime: it reads just like a porn script. (Just so you know, those letters are faked. Really.) When men write down their fantasies, we often see these themes of sexual abundance and availability.

I call this mythological place full of nubile enthusiastic women the Valley of the Dolls, after Russ Meyer's sexploitation film Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Russ Meyer's movies generally featured tall women with huge breasts having sex with... everyone. Because these movies were made in the 60's or 70's, they ended on a moralistic tone to avoid the wrath of the censors, with the loose women getting married or killed. But their draw was the promise of easy sex with amazonian women.

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