Vyckie Garrison runs a website called No Longer Quivering, which assists women in transitioning from abusive, oppressive and servile roles as breeding servants of husbands and an interpretation of the Bible called The Quiverful movement. The site features the stories of women and families, told in their own words - about the harsh price paid by women and children in oppressive, strict religion. Most of the stories are painful to read, but I encourage you to read them. The knowledge of what these women go through in order to provide healthy lives for themselves and their children - is breathtaking. Vyckie also operates a site called The Take Heart Project, to support women in all religions who seek to free themselves of oppression, brutality & dehumanization in the name of a god.
I invited Vyckie to be interviewed here on SGB because her story is a powerful one, which is shared in full or in part by a great many women across the globe.
SGB: Looking back at your life, who were you before Quiverfull that you are no longer? Who are you since leaving Quiverfull?
VG: Before Quiverfull, I was a young girl with a lifetime and the whole world before me ~ I was smart, competent, relatively healthy, ambitious ~ I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to do "something big."
Only I didn't know what that "something big" might be. I had a 4.0 GPA in college ~ so I knew that I could do pretty much whatever I wanted. The problem for me was that everything seemed so very interesting ~ I wanted to do it all!!
But I was also very insecure and fearful. Decision making was a terribly scary thing for me ~ what if I made the wrong choice? Worse yet ~ what if I failed? I wanted to know with absolute certainty that I was doing the right thing. I had the idea that if I prayed to God for guidance and searched the bible, I could discern God's will for my life. It was an appealing idea ~ after all, Who would know better than my Creator what was right and best for me?
So I went to bible college and I became a student of the Word. Through diligent study, plus the help of many fundamentalist teachers ~ I discovered that God had very specific plans for me as a woman. He created me female ~ gave me a womb ~ and if I was to be fulfilled and joyful and pleasing to the Lord ~ I needed to give my womb over in service to Him. I learned that as a woman, the Lord created me to be a suitable helper for my husband ~ to bear his children and assist him in training them up to love and serve the Lord with their whole beings ~ mind, body, soul and strength.
Sure, I could've done anything I wanted with my life ~ but what higher calling could there be for me as a woman than to be sober, to love my husband, to love my children, to be discreet, chaste, a keeper at home, good, obedient to my own husband, that the word of God be not blasphemed? (Titus 2:4,5)
What I did in actuality was to give up my power ~ my agency ~ severely limiting my choices in life. I chose to have no choice ~ all for the security of having that absolute certainty that I was doing the very best thing with my talents and abilities. I had discovered a formula for godly family living ~ one that promised strength and guidance, favor with God ~ with all the requisite blessings of those who walked in His ways, peace beyond understanding, and eternal reward in the life to come. After all, Jesus taught us that a man who seeks to save his life shall lose it ~ but whoever loses his life for Christ's sake shall find it.
It was all so real ~ so all-consuming. I could not imagine that without it, there would be any "me" at all ~ my entire identity was wrapped up in following Christ and the Word of God.
When I began to have doubts ~ when I no longer trusted the Bible as my guidebook for daily living ~ I became rather anxious, so I scrambled to figure out what of Christianity I could hold onto ~ to say, "This, I still believe."
But I came up empty ~ none of it makes sense to me anymore. Which kind of puts me back at square one. The difference is ~ this time, I am not afraid. I do not need to have all the answers ~ in fact, I'm beginning to like the uncertainty and ambiguity. I don't mind so much anymore that life's a struggle and things get messy and we're all a little screwy at times. I am much more relaxed and willing to take life as it comes. I don't feel a need for a sure-fire formula or guaranteed outcomes. The pressure is off and I am enjoying the simplicity of living life in the moment.
First there was the Aceh Legislative Council that passed the Qanun Jinayat punishing adultery and homosexual conduct with stoning to death and caning. Then there was the Constitutional Court decision upholding the Anti-Pornograhy law that criminalizes homosexuality, and leaves room to criminalize sensuality violating especially cultural minorities’ freedom of expression. Finally there came the mobs attacking the ILGA Asia Conference participants in broad daylight of Surabaya.
