pleasure

Bekhsoos's picture

Dirty Mouth: The Politics of Sex Talk in Public Spaces

I am a dirty mouth who needs to be silenced.

This is what constitutes my parents’ most profound struggle when, before our family Sundays, they remind me every time to “watch it”, keep my mouth shut, and smile. It also must be what my college teachers think of me in the back of their heads when they shake it in reprobation, calling me twisted and other equally dismissive verdicts that always start with: “You need help”. Even among my lesbian friends, I’m always “too much”. Putting aside the fact that I might be too intense, I am a dirty mouth not because I curse a lot or lose myself in interminable gossip sessions – far from that. I am a dirty mouth because I am vocal about sex.

So how do people talk about sex? In medical terms, of course, where sex becomes a necessitous act leading to reproduction for the perpetuation of the species, therefore a post-marital worry. When not explicit, it is hidden and normalized under masks of broader manifests of sexuality, such as inappropriate compliments in the work place and pick-up lines in the streets, otherwise known as “toltish”. However, when the “dirty” side of sex is tackled – that type of sex which only belongs to sheer, “immoral pleasure”, sex talkers find innovative ways to express themselves in complex, poetic terms. The use of extensive metaphors in order to avoid a direct statement suddenly becomes a piece of cake: We did “it”. She wanted to “eat me” but I said no. She still made me “happy” with her “tools”.

rabbitwhite's picture

Reflections on Graphic Sexual Horror


Graphic Sexual Horror is a documentary film about the late, hardcore BDSM pornsite, insex.com. To me, this film can be succinctly described as a brain virus. Since the seven days that I have seen it, I've not quite been able to shake it from my head. The images of women chained, cropped and tortured for viewing pleasure continue to project themselves into the dark of my eyelids, and my brain is still working overtime to try to make sense of it all.

Part of the reason why this film is such a mind-fuck is because of the utter lack of positioning on the part of the documentary makers. The film took a stand back position, gracefully allowing the porn and this company to be shown for what it was, without any sway on what we as viewers were to think of it. The film was neither a monologue at or a dialogue with the viewer on the subject. Rather, it felt  like some omniscient third party, passing along information and images to be burned into our retinas.

Here is what you need to know in order to understand the film: Insex was a brainchild of BDSM enthusiast and artist, PD. The site employed models, many of whom that weren't into BDSM, to engage in hardcore BDSM play on camera for a generous amount of money. There was always a safeword any model could use to end the session, but the women were also rewarded with more cash, the longer they went and the more they endured. This site was eventually shut down by the State.

arvan's picture

Film Review: Graphic Sexual Horror

Last night, I attended a screening of "Graphic Sexual Horror", directed by Barbara Bell and Anna Lorentzon.  The venue was the Leather Museum & Archives (LAM), who also sponsored the event along with The Jane Addams Hull-House Museum as part of the Sex+++ Documentary Film Series.  The event was presented by Dr. Jennifer Tyburczy, Ph.D. Director of Programming for the LAM and Clarisse Thorn.  Present for the showing and taking questions afterward, was Barbara Bell herself.  I was joined in the audience by blogger Rabbit White and her husband Ned.

So, the warning and disclaimer: This could easily trigger you.  I'm not even kidding.

This is a documentary about the creation of a website that produced media of women being tortured for people to watch as they masturbate.  BDSM porn...torture porn...whatever you may call it.

This is striking stuff and I found it difficult to separate my thoughts about the porn from my thoughts about what I thought of the film.  Which, I suppose is a nod toward the directors for presenting the subject without overtly interjecting themselves into the process.

The film is about 120min long and covers the story of how this website insex.com was conceived, launched, operated and finally shut down.  It starts right out off with a grainy film titled "worm" being shown.  The narrator, "pd" - is describing that this is his wife at the time, wrapped in vinyl, bound and laying on the floor.  The film then continues on through a series of interviews done recently, with staff members of insex.com relating their experiences on the site. 

arvan's picture

FAT SEX: About Positions and Attitudes

I found this post at Dimensions Magazine.  It is frank and somewhat irreverent, written with a flippant usage of the word 'fat', which may be a trigger.  Nevertheless, if you read along, you will find that the position is to dispel, shatter and assault the negative myths and stereotypes about the sexual experience of large people.

The Mythology of Obesity tells us that sex with a fat partner is either fruitless or impossible. It's a prejudice that crosses all boundaries of race, class, education, and physique: you're as likely to encounter it in a gynecologist's office as in the pages of The National Lampoon.

In the real world, sex is more likely to be impeded by anxiety than adiposity. Fear of rejection, fear of not meeting the partner's expectations, and fear of not being able to perform are among the most common emotional barriers to intercourse. Some dysfunctional people harbor feelings of guilt over their sexual needs, or lack the skill or desire to stimulate their partner. Even mild anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance. Ignorance and inexperience contribute their own problems. "Frequently, for instance" reveals Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan in Psychology Today, "neither spouse knows where the clitoris is or recognizes its potential for eliciting erotic pleasure. They have intercourse as soon as the husband has an erection, and he ejaculates without considering whether his partner is ready. Such couples genuinely wonder why the wife does not reach orgasm."

Fat people suffer all these problems in spades. The social pressures they endure create numerous obstacles to sexual interaction. The most direct effect comes from dieting: prolonged semistarvation can seriously dampen the libido, and a woman who is losing weight can experience a disruption of her normal menstrual cycle. Indirect effects of prejudice include a lack of opportunity, a history of rejection, and a negative body image. "Some obese woman, fearful of competing for a man's interest, avoid interpersonal encounters and disparage males in general," writes Dr. Barbara E. Bess in the journal Consultant. "Once involved in a relationship, they doubt the partner's sincerity." Self-hatred manifests itself in a number of anti-erotic behaviors. "Some women are reluctant to act seductively for fear of rejection and ridicule. Young women ... express the desire to look 'sexy' and wear seductive clothes, but fear that men in particular will think them grotesque. ... Many obese persons attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their clothes on during sexual intimacy."

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