relationship

book of blue's picture

Backstage pass to Eros

Abandoned backstage entrance of an old Vaudeville house. Photo by Eric Francis.

Whether to have sex may have been a bigger question for me than it was for Amanda, but let’s call it equal: she’s a thoughtful person and does not usually jump into things without a bit of pondering. For my part, I was wondering whether I had abstained from sex for long enough. This phase was like a condensed review course of everything I’ve studied, explored and learned about erotic reality my whole life, and I’ve been paying attention for a while.

To review for a moment, I had made a series of choices leading me to take contact sex, that is, intercourse and oral sex, out of my life for a while, and I was taking this in 45 day experiences that went from a cross-quarter day (starting at Sahwen or Halloween) to the winter solstice to Imbolc to the equinox and so on. This had gone on for about six months, and I was now at a point of continuing or making a change.

Beltane was a compelling juncture because the essence of my particular form of Goddess worship involves celebrating sexuality at this particular time of year. Since I started doing this, I’ve been blessed with the right woman or women just at the right time, and it is very much about fulfilling a mutual purpose: to praise the Goddess of love and abundance. Being with the right partner implies awareness of why it’s meaningful as a ritual and celebration of existence and not ‘just sex’.

arvan's picture

Ask Rabbit!

One of the regular diarists here at SGB, Rabbit White has been blogging about self, gender, sex and body for a while now.  She and her husband have made their first video podcast.

This initial foray is about their views on finding intimacy as individuals and with each other.

Ask Rabbit Episode 1: True Love from Rabbit White on Vimeo.

ChantelleAustin's picture

Can you go from a swinging relationship back to a more traditional one?

I received a great question via Ask Chantelle:

lovemagician's picture

Room For Growth

I usually spend Memorial Weekend at The Heartland Polyamory Conference (HPC) just outside French Lick, Indiana at Our Haven Nature Sanctuary--178 acres of sacred land where diversity isn’t just tolerated but is celebrated.  I was disappointed when I learned that the conference wasn’t taking place this year.  I would miss the heart-felt and thought provoking discussions among a diverse group of polyamorous and polycurious people from communities throughout the Midwest and beyond.

It is so helpful for polyamorists to come together and share about our experiences.  Most of us are learning as we go with limited access to information and support beyond books and the Internet, so sharing with one another about what has and hasn’t worked for us is very useful.  I’m lucky to have access to a very active local poly support and networking group, but I still love expanding my community and hearing from more perspectives.

In addition to the uplifting sense of community at HPC, the weekend affords me an amazing connection with nature.  I camp near a running stream in the clothing optional section (sunscreen and shade not so optional).  I feel an inspiring sense of freedom when I am there.

Last year, I had the opportunity to interact with people who were on the land but were not involved with the polyamory conference who happened to be swingers.  I found myself on the receiving end of assumptions because I’m bisexual and polyamorous.  Couples I had just met were inviting me to connect with them sexually.  I politely declined and tried to take the opportunities to educate them about how and why that is not in line with my personal pursuit of polyamory.  Yet my unwavering assertions were actively ignored, and I got to see how strongly stereotypes can influence people’s behaviors even when they are contrary to what is actually taking place.  I realized I had been naïve to assume that if I am honest and transparent that I would be believed.

Serena Anderlini's picture

Polyamory, Is It Possible? Interview with Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio


The following interview was recorded by Tatami RaiTre, Italian Public TV 
February 15th, 2009

Participants: Hostess Camilla Raznovich; Guests: Serena Anderlini, Michela Marzano, Ricky Tognazzi

Camilla Raznovich:  Good evening, Serena Anderlini, theorist and practitioner of polyamory, a topic about which she has written many books.  So, I’d like to understand how you figured out that you had a tendency to love more than one partner at the same time.

Serena Anderlini:  I figured it out because I loved the people with whom my partners fell in love.  If they fell in love with them, I fell in love with them too, and so I wanted to transform the negative energies of hatred, envy, jealousy, into a positive energy in which I was able to share this love.  It was a rather long path because one cannot easily transform a negative sentiment into a positive one, one has to go though a whole process of inner transformation, a spiritual process that makes one capable of embracing a type of love that is not possessive.  For me this is comparable to a father, or a mother, who have twelve children.  Will the twelve children be less loved?  No.  At times in these big families people love each other a lot, so why can’t this multiplicity also happen also in the area of partners, why?  Why is love for our children supposed to be altruistic and love for one’s partners egotistic?  Why?

CR: And at this time, how many partners do you have?

SA: I didn’t come here to tell you that. It’s none of your business.  (Applause.)

CR: But you have more than one at the same time?

SA: Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.

Annabelle River's picture

The Mary Kay Epilogue

 

I love Susie Bright. I first discovered her essays when I was in college, and I give her a lot of credit for my college epiphany that being a feminist and being a slut were not, after all mutually exclusive: That not only could I be an empowered woman and a masochist cock-craver, but that I could only become an empowered woman if I let go of the shame for my honest sexual desires. Thank you Susie Bright. I still follow her blog eagerly, although most of the time now it makes me feel like her proverbial preacher's choir.

Then, a couple weeks ago, Susie Bright covered the current whereabouts of Mary Kay Fualaau, better known to people who had access to television in the 1990's as Mary Kay Letourneau. For those who don't remember, Mary Kay Letourneau was imprisoned in 1997 for having sex with and becoming impregnated by her thirteen-year-old student, Vili Fualaau. She was released in January 1998, but by February she went back to jail for planning to run away with boy, and that October she gave birth to their second child. In 2001, Vili Fualaau's mother sued the school and police for failing to keep her son safe, but she lost: Police attorney Anne Bremner successfully convinced a jury, "Fualaau and Letourneau still 'see themselves as Romeo and Juliet' and want to get married... adding that there was nothing anyone could have done to keep the two apart." Letourneau finished her second jail sentence in 2004, at which point Fualaau, then 21, successfully petitioned the court to let him see her again. They married in 2005, in a ceremony covered by Entertainment Tonight. And now they have celebrated their fourth marriage anniversary, and host an event in a Seattle bar called "Hot for Teacher."

arvan's picture

Asexuality: If I liked you, what would I do?

My discovery of asexuality begins with irony. I had a really huge crush on a friend of mine- all of my friends knew I liked him, and were totally perplexed when I spent an entire year not doing anything about it. Finally, just before he moved away, I got the courage to tell him- but then he asked a question I’ll never forget: “If I liked you, what would you do?” (theimpossiblek) AVEN

Life sure is interesting.  It turns out that people with no sexual desire at all are fighting many of the same battles as people who wish to be respected for participating in BDSM, or Fur fandom: they want to be respected for whom they define themselves as. 

The first thing I thought is: how can I attract people to write about asexual living?  Simple answer: beg and plead!

I am looking for anyone willing to share your experience of asexuality at this site, as an access to greater understanding and respect.  Please, register and share with us all, so that we may know you in your own words. 

In the meantime, while you are doing that, the rest of us will watch this nifty video from Montel Williams, on asexuality:

 

lovemagician's picture

Clearly Ambiguous



By Millie Jackson

Upon a foundation of honesty, mutual respect and consensuality, polyamory offers freedom to structure relationships based on the unique needs, desires and circumstances of those involved.  Given its complexity and diversity, you might ask:  “How, then, do polyamorists agree on the definition of polyamory?”  The answer is:  “We don’t.”

Some people, especially non-polyamorists, see polyamory more broadly as an umbrella term for non-monogamy that includes relationship structures such as polygamy and swinging.  Other people see polyamory as a subcategory of non-monogamy, with some overlap with other relationship structures depending on the intent of those relationships.

Clarisse Thorn's picture

Sex-positive documentary report #6: “Bi The Way”

In a minute I’ll review the sixth film at my sex-positive documentary film series, but first I have to say … man, the screening was unexpectedly stressful! For the first time, we simply didn’t have enough space for everyone. In a way I’m thrilled, of course, but I’m also feeling a bit overwhelmed. Previously we have simply been encouraging people to RSVP by phone (312.413.5353) in order to save a seat, but it looks like now RSVPing is effectively a requirement. If you want to attend, you probably want to RSVP by phone … or show up early and hope that someone who RSVPed flakes out! I’ve been encouraging people to RSVP in the last few invitational emails and on Facebook; since last Tuesday I’ve also emphasized the RSVP information in every other Internet venue I have control over.

It’s been suggested multiple times that we switch to a bigger screening venue. This is, however, more complicated than it sounds. One reason for that is that we have very little money for Sex+++. It’s a largely grassroots effort that’s being supported by a few awesome co-sponsors; you can help if you know any potential sex-positive co-sponsors — talk to them and tell them to talk to me!

Another issue is that we want to make sure the event is centrally located within Chicago. This is important because that way it’s maximally accessible to everyone — but it’s especially important because we’ve already printed up the next batch of posters for Sex+++, and they all say it’s at the Hull-House Museum. So, ideally, any new venue would be close enough to Hull-House that people could still make it to the film if they went to the wrong place. You might be able to help us find space if you know of any large, free (or at least cheap), centrally located Chicago movie venues and can convince them to talk to me.

Anyway!

Yeah! Sex+++! Last week’s documentary was “Bi The Way” — all about bisexuality!

lovemagician's picture

How I Got Into Polyamory and Polyamory Got Into Me

 

By Millie Jackson

The concept of polyamory intuitively made sense to me even before I had a word for it.  However, it seemed more like a futuristic utopian approach to loving than a viable option in the real world.

In the late 80’s, I had a relationship with two other women.  At the time, I didn’t have a context to grasp that this fun-loving trio was my first polyamorous relationship.  It felt very natural to me.  I wondered why more people weren’t having relationships like this, and why the three of us were being judged so harshly.  I was surprised that people even cared, and I didn’t understand why they felt threatened.

In the mid-90’s, I attempted to openly and honestly have two relationships at the same time, but the dramas that ensued fueled my doubts about this being a practical approach to relating.  Pursuing polyamory with proclaimed monogamists wasn’t working, no matter how much we liked each other and no matter how honest I was.

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