relationships

Bekhsoos's picture

My Body Is Not My Body.

 

-Contributed by M/M to Bekhsoos: Queer Arab Weekly.

My body is a museum. Vials of spit and cum and sweat, now filed away and
cataloged. My tongue, tasting and discerning, like an aged wine, one lover
from another. Nudes posed deliciously, resting their heads on a pillow and
their legs spread wide. Oil canvasses of backs upright, bent, twisted and
knotted. Stone sculptures of limbs obscenely intertwined.

lilith land's picture

Semen: Is a Great Anti-depressant in Your Man's Pants?

Well, here's an interesting use for jizz besides baby making. Some scientists have found that semen has anti-depressant properties.

lilith land's picture

Why Women Fake Orgasms

The publication of one the largest sex studies (The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior) in recent years has once again revealed an

Alex Karydi's picture

How to make Lesbian Friendships

Ever feel at a loss? Are you completely consumed by life demands? At times it feels like we are on a stage and everyone is watching us fail! We have a sense of lose, as if it is within reach but like a toy that’s been taken by the ocean’s current it has slipped away.

 

Every relationship has left a trace, maybe even jaded our view of life and love to a point where even if perfection was to walk in it would seem impossible to see her! Or maybe even want her. Why want what you can’t have or ever keep.

You go out and every woman looks the same, every woman sounds the same, so familiar on the surface nothing has changed.  We have the same discussion with different faces and hear the same empty promises and speech of lost loves and new beginnings. 

We have become committed to finding a partner so badly that for most of us friendships have been put aside, until that someone comes along. Others of us have been in relationships where being with one another was sufficient and slowly isolated you from the world. Friendship, the unconditional love we have for what once was a stranger is the equivalent to oxygen in a healthy person.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Gender Specific Small Talk

I went to a party the other day where their happened to be one single person for each couple, all of which were straight and in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties. Topics of conversation were typical; ranging anywhere in between work and how do you open a beer bottle with a lighter. I was stone cold sober as per usual and although I was enjoying the company of others, I was in a quiet and observing mood.

At one point in the evening, I was leaning against the wall in the kitchen listening to a couple guys enjoying some small talk. The event that spurred on this specific little tidbit of conversation, which I’m going to tell you about in a minute, was some sort of superficial dispute between one of the guy’s and one of the girl’s present. The girl in question had just left the kitchen and the guys were doing their whole shtick where they express their exasperation at apologizing to a girl about something the have no idea about and still finding themselves in the dog house without a clue as to why they’re there in the first place.

The conversation turned to the general as opposed to the specific rather quickly, and could only be described as gendered posturing. I felt like I was in an American sitcom staring Jim Belushi and Courtney Thorne-Smith. I’m not a relationship expert having been in a rather minimal amount of them in my short twenty-eight year span and I just had to ask, “Is that really what it’s like?” The answer I got was, “No, it’s not.”

EvilSlutClique's picture

The Ethical Slut

We recently got a copy of the new revised and updated edition of The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy to review, because...well, we're us. Although we were familiar with the book, none of us had ever actually read the first edition, which obviously was a huge oversight being that we're Evil Sluts and all. So, a big thank you to the awesome people at Eden Fantasys for hooking us up so that we could remedy the situation.

Let's start with the obvious. Of course we're all on board with the idea of reclaiming the word slut and refueling it with new, positive intentions, so there was plenty for us to like right away in the book.

In most of the world, “slut” is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It’s interesting to note that the analogous word “stud,” used to describe a highly sexual man, is often a term of approval and envy. If you ask about a man’s morals, you will probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you ask about a woman’s morals, you are more likely to hear about whom she shares sex with, and under what conditions. We have a problem with this. 

So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Sluts may choose to have solo sex or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.

Our approach to a sex-positive language is to reclaim the original English words and, by using them as positive descriptors, wash them clean. Hence our adoption of the word “slut.”

EvilSlutClique's picture

Cosmo Gives Us The Guy Truth

As usual, Cosmo is here to solve all of our relationship problems. Check out this piece of advice from the April 2010 issue - it's from a piece called Guy Truth, apparently written by a guy, on a page titled The Guy Report in a section called Man Manual. So there's no way that this advice could possibly go wrong.

Q: I had a great date, but the guy said he doesn't want kids. Should I tell him that's unacceptable?

A: Um, no - just move on. But do you really want to ignore potential due to an offhand comment?

In only two short sentences, Cosmo manages to give two contradictory pieces of advice, both of them bad. It's almost impressive.

I will say that I laughed at the way the question was worded. It's not 'should I tell him that I do want kids?' or 'is it too early to talk to him about the fact that we don't agree on something this important?' or something like that. No, it's 'should I tell him that I will not accept the fact that he doesn't want kids?' But let's overlook that minor issue with the question so we can move on to the real fun in the answer.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Comstock Films

REAL PEOPLE, REAL LIFE, REAL SEX…Have you heard of Comstock Films? No, me neither. That is, until a friend of mine recently brought them to my attention. As their tag line clearly implies, Comstock Films provides the world (yes, the world) with movies featuring real people, real life and real sex.

It’s amateur porn with an actual production budget. Even better, it’s actual couples who are in love getting all down and dirty to show us what it looks like when “real” people have sex. If you’re wondering why I put “real” in quotation marks just then, it’s because porn stars are real people to, ya know. If I were a porn star, I think it would annoy me if people referred to alt porn as real thereby implying that I was not, but you get the difference, right?

The difference being that porn is scripted (albeit minimally) and is more like watching someone else’s fantasy as opposed to Comstock’s own brand of intimate porn that feels a lot more like hiding in a closet and watching your friends getting it on, only they’ve given you permission and instead of viewing their orgasmic pleasure from the confines of a closet you get to do it from the comforts of your living room.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Getting Hit On Can Make Me Uncomfortable

I decided to stop at the Dunkin’ Donuts right near my place to get a little something sweet. I had a hankering since I missed the freshly baked cookies at work earlier today. This particular donut shop is down right ghetto. They have a few tables and the oddest assortment of people always hang out there. To get there faster I cut through the middle of the tables on my way inside, and there was this guy sitting out there that was starring at me way too intently. The guy in question is really good looking, but frankly anyone who spends so much time hanging put in front of a Dunkin’ Donuts is a little weird in my books. I consider myself to be pretty open-minded, but come on, how about sitting on a park bench or something once in a while to change things up.

Getting back to the story, as I walked by where he was sitting he began to stare at me very intently. He twisted himself on his chair to watch me walk in. The entire time I was inside he continued to stare at me through the window. It was making me very uncomfortable. I mean he was REALLY staring! I’ve never had anyone look at me in quite that way before and for quite so long.

I didn’t know what to do, I really didn’t want him to approach me on my way out, so I tried my best to look like I hadn’t notice him and walk right past without giving him the opportunity to stop me or say anything. I only had to walk a block away, but I could still feel him staring at me. For a second, I worried that he would see where I live and then I blew that thought off as paranoid, but the whole thing did make me think about how it makes me feel to get hit on.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Are There Gender Differences When it Comes to How we Approach Sex, Emotions and Relationships?

It’s been a little while since I’ve graced these pages with my presence, but like I had said, I was taking a little break. Unfortunately, I will be doing the same during the Holidays, since I’ll be at my Mom’s and probably won’t have regular access to a computer, but for now here are a couple thoughts to ponder.

I often hear people begin sentences with: “Guys are ….” and “Girls are…”. I do it too, it’s sometimes hard to express something without using mass generalizations as a tool to get an idea across. I’m not saying it’s alright, just that it’s easy. Clearly, in our society there are distinctions created between the sexes, which is risky ground to cover especially since the divisions aren’t exactly as clear cut as all that (which is a good thing). That is an easy concept to grasp on an individual level, but when having a discussion about “an idea” it becomes more difficult to keep it all on an individual level and that’s when it’s sometimes easier (and more dangerous) to generalize.

I think that raises an interesting question: Is there really a biological and gendered division between how individuals approach sex, emotions and relationships or are we simply socialized to think and act like there is? It’s a complicated question and certainly one that needs more than a single blog post to get to the bottom of, but I would be really interested in knowing your opinions on the matter.

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