relationships

lustwithwings's picture

To the straight mind

It is bizarre to me that a mode of action as obvious as doing what one feels (biologically, psychologically, logically) is, for the majority of persons, unt

victorias sketchbook's picture

If love is timeless, loving sexual contact can be too!

from Victoria's Sex Blog



As I get older, it’s becoming clearer to me that we really know nothing about anything until we’ve actually experienced it.  And we’re never really prepared for it until we get there. I just read a most disturbing report about the impact of Internet pornography on youth and children by two Montreal reporters, Isabelle Maher and Martin Bisaillon - if you read French, please look it up. They are sounding an alarm that needs to be sounded loud and clear to make us (adults-parents-society) wake up to the devastating impact that overly accessible porn-as-sex-education is having on our children. So today I want to focus, as usual, on love expressed sexually, by honouring some people who have long been making an effort to make a difference.


Bill and Desiree, whom I had the pleasure of illustrating together from a photo-still (above) are people who care enough about sharing positive images of sexuality to share their own private moments of passion with others. Both have written for sex-positive publications, and Bill writes lovely erotic poetry that I have already included and will continue to publish on this blog. Last year they shared their story through interviews and scenes of lovemaking with Comstock films, a couple-run company that makes DVDs of real people having real sex, and I was fortunate enough to be able to see their particular DVD and use stills from it to create drawings. Thank you  Joan Price for putting us in contact, to Tony and Peggy at Comstock for allowing this precious collaboration, and to Bill and Desiree for continuing to spread their love!


victorias sketchbook's picture

Longing prayer of the full moon

from Victoria's Sex Blog



i want to be with you
feel your warm hands on my body
your hot mouth on my nipples
your gentle eyes on my vulnerability


i want to wrap myself around you
take you in my arms
cradle your pain
and illuminate your nights with pleasure
 
i want to give to you my truth;
the reality of a loving body
that returns your passion
that responds to your desires
that smooths away your fears
and melts away your doubts
that can open up for you
the feminine that sleeps down below


dcopulsky's picture

College Sutra

My girlfriend and I wrote a sex and relationship advice column for the school newspaper during our senior year of college.

victorias sketchbook's picture

When Love is in the Room

from Victoria's Sex Blog

Over my lifetime, I have had a few sexual encounters with men that I wasn’t really in love with or didn’t know all that well, but never really what you’d call a “one-night-stand”. Except maybe just that once… hmm… wait… does during the day count?

While there was something liberating about having the freedom to make that choice or act on a whim, and to break those deeply ingrained rules about being totally committed and married before even admitting to a man that I had nipples, every experience had its pros and cons. Alot of what led to letting things happen in those moments was a really intense desire to be touched, so intense that it clouded any other decision-making faculty. I remember as a teenager that previously unfathomable aching, longing to be touched, kissed and penetrated, often exacerbated by popular music and its lyrics of romantic desire. Do women feel a physical longing as intensely as men do, or it is more in our minds? Male or female, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or metrosexual, there really aren’t any “norms” and it doesn’t matter. Each of us is wired differently and acts and reacts according to an unique system of communication and response, of fears and desires.

victorias sketchbook's picture

Verbal Images of Intimacy

from Victoria's Sex Blog

Tonight I give you the image of a man, not a baby, joyfully sucking on a woman’s breast. This is a drawing from the early series I did with Francesca from pornographic images. I would go through hundreds of porn photos, in magazines or on the Internet, trying to find those with a little bit of tenderness, then I’d draw them… tenderly… as if I was pencilling in the love that I felt was missing in the original image. After awhile I got more comfortable, courageous, even brazen, and was able to draw sexual positions or situations that disgusted the prude in me, and discovered that love, injected into anything, transforms it. It’s like looking at an act through different glasses, in this case a sexual act, but without applying shame or judgement, it loses it’s negative aspect and can show its simplicity and beauty because it’s being seen from a completely different perspective.

I have been thinking too much about how to express intimacy through imagery, and the thinking led me to think that it’s not worth doing. Right. No more thinking. What I decided to do instead, is the doing… by drawing, writing, expressing a perspective on intimacy. First I looked up some quotes, and found some VERY entertaining ones I’d like to share:

victorias sketchbook's picture

Sex in the middle of the night

from Victoria's Sex Blog

It’s funny, at least I think it is… that I write regularly about sexuality yet talking about it can still be so awkward. I went to an artist’s seminar last week and just couldn’t bring myself to explain to the others what exactly I do… I just told them I “draw nudes” and left it at that. But at the art store, where I’ve started working part-time again, people seem to get it. When I describe what I do and why, they seem to recognize the need for it, and they want to know more. Last night my adult children, who are only a year or two into adulthood, were joking around about “the parents” (of which I am one of many if you count their boyfriend and girlfriends’ divorced and reconnected parents too) - and the comment that struck me as I was walking away towards the kitchen – was that the very thought of us “older people” having sex was gross.

I wish I could tell them how much better sex gets as you grow older and get to know yourself better and allow yourself to explore different avenues, which may include new partners, positions, conditions and even “props”. But particularly how much the contact with a lover deepens when you’ve practiced something so special for a long time together. I can’t tell them, and I won’t even try; they will figure that out themselves as they age and mature, each in their own special way.

Something that popped into my mind about this evolution was my vastly different experiences of sex in the middle of the night. First there were those teenage years, waiting for the parents to go out or fall asleep so my first boyfriend and I could desperately grope each other on the couch. And although I was much older, even early on in my relationship with Darren, we stayed up so late making love, sometimes night after night, that I remember dragging myself around like a limp noodle at work, yawning like crazy, and swearing I had to cut back but of course not really planning to… ever! 

cleofaye's picture

Lube 101

Lube is one of the most important things (the most important being protection of all sorts of course) to have in your "drawer;" you know the one by your bed with all your sexual goodies in it.

victorias sketchbook's picture

May Touch Redeem Us

This poem is from a beautiful little book about loving sexuality by Bill Noble called May Touch Redeem Us; Poems of Love and Eros and is printed with the author’s most

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