sex positive

Bekhsoos's picture

Dirty Mouth: The Politics of Sex Talk in Public Spaces

I am a dirty mouth who needs to be silenced.

This is what constitutes my parents’ most profound struggle when, before our family Sundays, they remind me every time to “watch it”, keep my mouth shut, and smile. It also must be what my college teachers think of me in the back of their heads when they shake it in reprobation, calling me twisted and other equally dismissive verdicts that always start with: “You need help”. Even among my lesbian friends, I’m always “too much”. Putting aside the fact that I might be too intense, I am a dirty mouth not because I curse a lot or lose myself in interminable gossip sessions – far from that. I am a dirty mouth because I am vocal about sex.

So how do people talk about sex? In medical terms, of course, where sex becomes a necessitous act leading to reproduction for the perpetuation of the species, therefore a post-marital worry. When not explicit, it is hidden and normalized under masks of broader manifests of sexuality, such as inappropriate compliments in the work place and pick-up lines in the streets, otherwise known as “toltish”. However, when the “dirty” side of sex is tackled – that type of sex which only belongs to sheer, “immoral pleasure”, sex talkers find innovative ways to express themselves in complex, poetic terms. The use of extensive metaphors in order to avoid a direct statement suddenly becomes a piece of cake: We did “it”. She wanted to “eat me” but I said no. She still made me “happy” with her “tools”.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Bloggers Who Make You Think

Essin’ Em from Essin’ Em: Sexuality Happens is putting together a list of bloggers who make you think. She’s currently taking nominations here.

Reblogged from Essin’ Em: Sexuality Happens:

I’m creating a list. A list of sex, relationship, LGBTQ, kink, social justice, feminist, humanist bloggers who have put up at least one post that has made you stop for a moment and think. Perhaps it was about sex and gender, or about your views of relationships, or some privilege you have that you hadn’t realized that you had yet. It can be anything that made you think, analyse, re-examine, say “oh!” — whatever it is that made you stop for a moment and step outside of your own view of the world.

Often, sex bloggers get boxed into a, well, a box. We’re suppoed to write reviews, erotica, and post pictures. Lots of people who are called “sex bloggers” don’t even identify as such. However, just because someone isn’t writing about the sex they are having, but rather about navigating relationships, combating sexual violence or struggling with gender, this doesn’t mean they they aren’t an amazing blogger that can really make you think.

This list is for all bloggers who write in the field of sexuality and social justice. When posted, it will not have a numberical order — rather, it will just be in alphabetical order, because I don’t know how you can really judge the quality of someone’s writing, as everyone has such a different style.

The few rules:

*Please don’t nominate yourself.

*Blog must have at least 15 posts on it, preferrably at least 6 months old (younger blogs often disappear, and then many of the list links are dead).

*Please comment with: The blog URL, the blogger’s online name, and at least ONE link to a post that made you think. You don’t need to explain why, but please include at least one think-worthy post.

*You can nominate up to 10 bloggers. Please do one comment per blogger, for ease of actually creating the list.

*Bloggers must be somehow related to the fields of sex, sexuality, relationships, parenting, kink, poly, monogamy, social justice, equality, etc.

You have until November 30th at 11:59pm to nominate. Feel free to post about this on your blog, tweet/facebook about it, ask to be nominated, just remember that you cannot nominate yourself. Please grab the button above (made by the AMAZING Dangerous Lilly) — just please host it yourself (thanks!).

And so it begins…

Besides the fact that I think you can actually judge the quality of people’s writing even when there are so many different styles out there, I think it’s a pretty good idea. To be clear, nominations are made in the comment section on Essin’ Em’s blog and not on Cuntlove. What are you waiting for? Go. Nominate someone who makes you think. It’s definitely a good way to discover new people or spread the word about your personal favorites.

Now, I just have to think about who I’m going to nominate.

(Posted at Cuntlove)

LaPrincipessa's picture

American Attitude Towards Sex: Progressive or Oppressive?


In the above video, Tiger Woods is apologizing because he had sex with women outside of his marriage.

There are no doubt many reasons his story and his " fall from grace"  or whatever you want to call it, was such a sensation for months and months. Before he wrecked his car in an Ambien-induced stupor at 3 AM, Tiger was propped up as a social , personal and marital paragon of virtue and success.  In this way, he was literally set up to fail.

Humans are not perfect , the concept of a heteronormative , heterosexual and monogamous marriage is a recent "virtue" and damned if Tiger didn't try to live up to all society wanted him to be, but it was just too much. It is very obvious why the Tiger Woods Story is so hot, what isn't so clear is why sex, marriage and fidelity are still portrayed and perceived to be the moral way of existing.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Saying Yes, or Something Close Enough

Facebook, great networking tool and also a huge pain in the ass when it comes to reconnecting with people there might very well be a reason why you don’t talk to anymore. It’s not always so bad though, the Internet has forged and in some cases re-forged some great connections over the years, for a lot of people, I’m sure.

To start off with I’m already a pretty nostalgic person when it comes to reminiscing about the past and automatically seeing updates of people in my news feed that were a part of my life over ten years ago puts certain people at the forefront of my mind, a place they wouldn’t necessarily occupy otherwise. It has clearly been a fad to reconnect with old lovers and in some cases that has opened up some old wounds.

You get to see how some people turned out, for better or worse, and if you’re anything like me, you might wonder about certain past relationships. There’s one person in particular that I have thought about recently, and it reminds me of a time in my life when I used to seek out and desire sexual activity with certain people, but when it came down to it, I wouldn’t say yes, but something close enough. Basically, it was a passive agency where I would engage in certain relationships because I wanted to, but I was also too afraid or too self-conscious to set up my own boundaries or to openly express my desires.

cleofaye's picture

Why would anyone want to dom

Cost posted from


cleofaye's picture

Why would anyone want to sub

Cross posted at

cleofaye's picture

Female ejaculation, learning to love the squirt

Cross posted from


cleofaye's picture

Kinky sex with cleofaye: Finding your kinks

Cross posted from

cleofaye's picture

Kinky sex with cloefaye: Having "the talk"

If you’re in a long term relationship, it’s kind of inevitable, or at least, it should be.

cleofaye's picture

Picking out a strap on

Cross posted from Sex etc...

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