PaganKinktress's picture

Things I Learned Working As A Phone Sex Operator

Many people may not know this about me, but in the last five or so years, I worked on and off in the phone sex industry. It was something I sort of "fell into", a seemingly easy enough way to make some extra cash as a perpetually poor college student and truthfully, not such a bad way to collect a paycheck at that.  How many people can say they get to work in their pj's (spoiler alert: phone sex operators are NOT all sitting around in their lingerie waiting for the phone to ring, sorry!) and talk about sex AND get paid for it?  Although this part of my life was something I kept hidden from pretty much everyone, save for a few of my closest friends, it was an interesting gig while it lasted.  I know there are a lot of women (and some men too) who make a career out of being a phone sex operator (PSO).  While it wasn't something I ever pictured doing for the rest of my life, it certainly opened my eyes to a lot of different things.  I learned a lot about people, sexuality, relationships, desire and gender identity.  I also learned a lot about myself in the process.  Here are just a few of the things I've learned from the experience:

arvan's picture

Butch/Femme -- Crip

I just found another ass-kicking voice in the wilderness: WheelchairDancer.  I followed her on twitter the other day based on some of her tweets and a look at her blog, stated intentions and general 'vibe'.  I asked her if I could repost the piece below and she asked that I describe what she does at her site.  Her twitter feed states:

dancing in a wheelchair

I would add that to me, she is a vibrant, direct, compelling and honest voice bent on being heard in her own words and defined on her own terms.  Please comment the hell out of this piece, so we can coax her into writing here on a regular basis.

To offer my voice in this important conversation, I want to write my personal resistance to both of these labels and to suggest how disability complicates them as defining personal categories.

Bfp begins by wondering where she is on the butch-femme spectrum. Cripchick continues by observing how disability and sexuality are so publicly invisible that even getting to these terms is hard. She adds the terms cripchicks and gimpgirls into the conversation of gender presentation, explicitly recognizing disability as a primary and defining force.

I don't have identifying terminology to add -- though I wish there were a more hip word for somewhat middle-aged bisexual disabled women like me. My goal here is to look a little at my body and my experiences in being read by others. I am talking about how I am read and not how I would define myself, how *I* would identify, because I don't actually know how I would choose to describe myself in the terms of this conversation.

ChantelleAustin's picture

Is it time?

I'm on a wonderful journey meeting all these “sex positive” people and it's amazing. So many people out there who think like I do and want the same thing for other people!

PaganKinktress's picture

Sacred Whores

Divine Feminine Dancing To The Rhythm

In my initial article here at SexGenderBody, I briefly touched on the topic of how it might be beneficial for the word "slut" or "whore" to be reframed. Today, I'd like to explore the topic of sluthood as a desirable state to arrive at and also delve into the notion that sex itself is a sacred act to be relished and celebrated.

Once upon a time before organized religion (i.e. the patriarchy) was constructed and inflicted upon the masses, sex was a way to express and convey worship to the divine forces. Sex was viewed as a vehicle toward a process of transformation and as a way to embrace the sacred.  The sacred was defined as that which unified the body, mind and soul, rather than an entity existing *outside* of one's human experience.  Therefore, sex acts were a sacred way to connect Self to the divine, and often this form of divinity was embodied in nature, the earth and the Goddess. 

Qualls-Corbett writes in The Sacred Prostitute:

"Desire and sexual response experienced as a regenerative power were recognized as a gift or a blessing from the divine.  Man's and woman's sexual nature and their religious attitude were inseparable....they offered the sex act to the goddess revered for love and passion..."

Clarisse Thorn's picture

One split in the BDSM subculture: the desire for transgression vs. the dislike of stigma

(Image courtesy of Wisconsin Historical Society)

I'm behind on everything, and every time I manage to take a day where I swear I'll catch up, I get sidetracked by some other huge thing. But this Thursday I'll be presenting at a conference hosted by Chicago's very own LGBT community center, Center on Halsted: "The 2009 Alternative Sexualities Conference: Cultural Competence and Clinical Issues". I, and some other people in the community, will be speaking about the role of communities in the BDSM experience. I can't possibly get sidetracked from that, and I'm pretty excited about it!

Now I've said before, and I say as often as I can, that BDSM communities are filled with many different voices -- plus, there are many BDSM communities out there, not just one. I hope no one ever takes me as "speaking for BDSM" or accurately describing every possible BDSM community out there. But there are some elements common in the BDSM subculture, and some very general splits that I often find myself noticing within it. (I do welcome other voices, ideas, additions, or disagreements with what I'm about to say! Feel free to leave comments! Especially disagreements -- I relish getting different perspectives on the BDSM scene and questioning my own assumptions. Absolutely relish it. Delicious.)

JoyGirl's picture

Age Play

Disclaimer: This topic can be a trigger subject for sensitive people.  Age play is a type of role play that happens between consenting adults and does NOT involve real children in any way, shape or form!


Age play-this is a touchy subject for a lot of people, especially if it involves sex, it elicits a very visceral reaction.  Usually people are either very interested or intrigued or they’re extremely turned-off and disgusted.  There is some middle ground, those for whom it is neither interesting nor a turn-off.


book of blue's picture

Paracosm with Neisha

Photo space in Blue Studio, with a Sybian and the suitcase in which it arrived from Wisconsin; and one of the first pregnant mannequins, dating to the 1970s and sculpted by the late British artist Ara Soner. Photo by Eric Francis.

Our ritual my last night in New York was another reach into abject self-surrender. I have gradually learned the emotional and psychic moves to be entirely submissive to myself. A witness or ritual partner is there to facilitate this and help hold open a space where we know which way the ground is; to provide a seemingly external source of love; and to provide feedback that the experience is valid in a moment where doubt could do actual harm.

Much of what we experienced there is too personal to for me to describe. I can say a few things, though. I moved through a sequence of scenes wherein I saw Neisha as cosmic witness, as empath/healer, as my lover, as my lover under very specific conditions, as her own lover, as the mother of my children, as the lover of someone else she wanted (and whom she described vividly), and as one never to be a lover.

JoyGirl's picture

Freedom Through Bondage

Freedom through bondage sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it? You might ask, “How can a person find freedom through bondage?” If you’re not wired for BDSM, specifically as a submissive, this concept will sound insane, but for those of us, me, who are wired for it, it’s not only sane it can become a way of life.

My BDSM story starts a little over ten years ago. I was a 26-year-old housewife living the life I was “supposed” to live, not the life I was born to live. My first forays into BDSM started with the internet, like many people my age. I visited newsgroups, Web sites, e-mail lists, all the while searching for information and devouring everything I could get my eyes on at a phenomenal rate. I spent countless hours just reading what other people had to say about this new world I found opening before me. Unfortunately I didn’t have a partner to practice BDSM with.

JoyGirl's picture


I'm sure the title of this article has some of you scratching your heads.  It's a newer term and one that I feel fits me best.  The first time I heard the term I felt like doing cartwheels, I'd finally found MY term.  Before finding the term heteroflexible I would say I'm selectively bisexual and then would have to launch into a huge explanation about my "type" of woman and why that specific type turned me on.  My type of woman is butch, dominant, and scrappy.


I suppose it all stems from my first girlfriend "T".  She was butch, thin, and muscular.  She had an intensity about her that just took my breath away every time I was near her.  I met "T" in high school and fell instantly in lust.  Her personality and charm just swept me off my feet and I let myself get carried away.  Sex with her was amazing and we had an on and off association through our teenaged years until we finally just lost touch and I focused on my relationship with Alan.

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