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Interview with Serena Anderlini by Camilia Raznovich (Tatami Rai Tre)

Tatami RaiTre

February 15th, 2009

Script of the Interview with Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio, Minutes: 20-30

Participants: Hostess Camilla Raznovich; Guests: Serena Anderlini, Michela Marzano, Ricky Tognazzi

Camilla Raznovich: Good evening, Serena Anderlini, theorist and practitioner of polyamory, a topic about which she has written many books. So, I’d like to understand how you figured out that you had a tendency to love more than one partner at the same time.

Serena Anderlini: I figured it out because I loved the people with whom my partners fell in love. If they fell in love with them, I fell in love with them too, and so I wanted to transform the negative energies of hatred, envy, jealousy, into a positive energy in which I was able to share this love. It was a rather long path because one cannot easily transform a negative sentiment into a positive one, one has to go though a whole process of inner transformation, a spiritual process that makes one capable of embracing a type of love that is not possessive. For me this is comparable to a father, or a mother, who have twelve children. Will the twelve children be less loved? No. At times in these big families people love each other a lot, so why can’t this multiplicity also happen also in the area of partners, why? Why is love for our children supposed to be altruistic and love for one’s partners egotistic? Why?

CR: And at this time, how many partners do you have?

SA: I didn’t come here to tell you that. It’s none of your business. (Applause.)

CR: But you have more than one at the same time?

SA: Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.

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What is Polyamory? Interview with Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

This interview was conducted via email between Aldo Cicolella and Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio in preparation for her invitation to Tatami, a talk show about new cultural trends hosted by Camila Raznovich on Italian public TV RaiTre, February 15, 2009.

1. How would you define Polyamory in a few words?

Polyamory is the style of love that involves responsible forms of non-monogamy.  Polyamorists believe that one can genuinely love more than one person at a time, and choose to do so honestly and with full disclosure among partners.  Polyamorists replace jealousy with a different emotion.  It’s called compersion and it corresponds to the love, empathy, and compassion we feel for our lovers’ lovers and for the joy they bring to them regardless of us.  Transforming jealousy into compersion is a demanding spiritual exercise which is very salutary for the soul once you get the knack of it.  Polyamorists do not discriminate based on gender, with women just as entitled to multiple partners as men.  Polyamorists emphasize relationships, and have ways to categorize various levels of involvement, including what they call primary, secondary, and tertiary relationships.  Many individuals in poly communities define themselves as bisexuals and most have, at one time or another, experienced some form of bi attraction or erotic play.  However, the two orientations are independent of each other.

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