ChantelleAustin's picture

Swingers are a girl's best friend!

I tell you what; the women in the lifestyle are generally in the best position to get what they want and single women even more so!

Annabelle River's picture

An Open Letter to Marie Claire

Dear Marie Claire Magazine,

Thank you for publishing Pamela Druckerman's, "How I Planned a Menage à Trois."  For all the shock-value usually attributed to sexual exploration, Druckerman's focus on negotiating with potential partners over coffee is greatly refreshing.  She resists the sensationalist cliché that threesomes are invariably traumatizing and the opposite sensationalist cliché that threesomes are as glamorous as they look in porn, and instead reports her honest experience.  More of this, please.

However, I'm frustrated how Druckerman glosses over, "In practice, I was shaken up," in the last couple sentences.  Up until that point, planning and having her threesome feels either fun or banal, and then she's "struck by how emphatically [she] want[s] [her] husband."  Why then suddenly shaken up?  Is she feeling jealous?  Or does she feel that N or her husband have violated any of her boundaries?  Or is she shaken up by others' judgments that she's "supposed" to feel shaken up?  Druckerman shows so much introspection up until that point, but as soon as she decides that actually her desires are "conservative" (and therefore "normal"?), she quits analyzing.  That strikes me as lazy journalism.

And since Druckerman has decided against having any more threesomes in her life, why doesn't Marie Claire feature any of the many women who have more - and more positive - experiences to share about their threesomes?  Or any of the many women who have initiated them, as opposed to acquiescing to a man's fantasy?  I respect Druckerman's choices, but there's also a huge community of polyamorists and swingers who could provide better insight into why some women really, really like group sex.

Yours sincerely,
Annabelle River 

PS If you too would like to write the editor of Marie Claire, the email address on their website is joannacoles at hearst dot com.

(Posted at Annabelle's Manifesto)

jolie du pre's picture

International Swingers Day? Even I Didn't Know That

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"Nothing risqué, nothing gained." (Alexander Woollcott)

Apparently, there's an International Swingers Day that even I, a swinger for at least the last eight years, didn't know about.  It apparently happened this year on August 15th.  (I missed it.  Not sure what I was doing, but it wasn't swinging.)  Now another International Swingers Day will occur on August 14, 2010.

ChantelleAustin's picture

Watch Out For Jealousy In Unexpected Places

Jealousy is often talked about in this lifestyle when it comes to the couple and their relationship with each other, they can’t be jealous or possessive with their partner in order to swing and enj

Serena Anderlini's picture

Interview with Serena Anderlini by Camilia Raznovich (Tatami Rai Tre)

Tatami RaiTre

February 15th, 2009

Script of the Interview with Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio, Minutes: 20-30

Participants: Hostess Camilla Raznovich; Guests: Serena Anderlini, Michela Marzano, Ricky Tognazzi

Camilla Raznovich: Good evening, Serena Anderlini, theorist and practitioner of polyamory, a topic about which she has written many books. So, I’d like to understand how you figured out that you had a tendency to love more than one partner at the same time.

Serena Anderlini: I figured it out because I loved the people with whom my partners fell in love. If they fell in love with them, I fell in love with them too, and so I wanted to transform the negative energies of hatred, envy, jealousy, into a positive energy in which I was able to share this love. It was a rather long path because one cannot easily transform a negative sentiment into a positive one, one has to go though a whole process of inner transformation, a spiritual process that makes one capable of embracing a type of love that is not possessive. For me this is comparable to a father, or a mother, who have twelve children. Will the twelve children be less loved? No. At times in these big families people love each other a lot, so why can’t this multiplicity also happen also in the area of partners, why? Why is love for our children supposed to be altruistic and love for one’s partners egotistic? Why?

CR: And at this time, how many partners do you have?

SA: I didn’t come here to tell you that. It’s none of your business. (Applause.)

CR: But you have more than one at the same time?

SA: Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.

ChantelleAustin's picture

Sometimes you just don't know till you get there

Well it was a night that didn't go to plan and I'm not going to go into detail but it highlighted something that I think other couples should be aware of.

The Ultimates's picture

Something Different for Swingers at the Pleasure Salon?

By Teri (of Teri & Kevin, “The Ultimates”)

Last Tuesday’s Pleasure Salon was an open, successful, sex-positive experience once again.  We met several new people, many of whom were affiliated with local polyamory groups.  We were also happy to have another lifestyle couple attend.  Kev was able to introduce himself and have a short conversation with them; unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to meet them before they left.  I was dismayed to see them leave early, and I later learned that they had been expecting something completely different.

Swingers usually like to stay within their own lifestyle community when venturing to clubs for meet and greets.  Although we try to be as descriptive as possible when inviting lifestyle couples to the Pleasure Salon (it’s open to all sex-positive communities), we worry that the swingers who attend are going to be surprised or, worse, put off by the lack of couple-focused discussion.  You see, most meet and greets for swingers are designed to allow for potential hook-ups.  That is not the case with the Pleasure Salon, and I think we need to be a bit more clear about that when we invite other swingers. 

ChantelleAustin's picture

Where does a relationship go after swinging?

The other day it hit me, at what point does the relationship change from a "swinging" one, to something else? and at what is the something else?

ChantelleAustin's picture

Misconceptions about Swinging and Swingers

1. Just because they swing, doesn't mean they'll have sex with just anyone or everyone.

Serena Anderlini's picture

What is Polyamory? Interview with Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

This interview was conducted via email between Aldo Cicolella and Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio in preparation for her invitation to Tatami, a talk show about new cultural trends hosted by Camila Raznovich on Italian public TV RaiTre, February 15, 2009.

1. How would you define Polyamory in a few words?

Polyamory is the style of love that involves responsible forms of non-monogamy.  Polyamorists believe that one can genuinely love more than one person at a time, and choose to do so honestly and with full disclosure among partners.  Polyamorists replace jealousy with a different emotion.  It’s called compersion and it corresponds to the love, empathy, and compassion we feel for our lovers’ lovers and for the joy they bring to them regardless of us.  Transforming jealousy into compersion is a demanding spiritual exercise which is very salutary for the soul once you get the knack of it.  Polyamorists do not discriminate based on gender, with women just as entitled to multiple partners as men.  Polyamorists emphasize relationships, and have ways to categorize various levels of involvement, including what they call primary, secondary, and tertiary relationships.  Many individuals in poly communities define themselves as bisexuals and most have, at one time or another, experienced some form of bi attraction or erotic play.  However, the two orientations are independent of each other.

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