trust

Alex Karydi's picture

Attention Lesbians, Trust Me!

 
“Trust me.

Trust me. I would never hurt you.

Trust me. I will never leave you.

Trust me. I will not cheat on you.

Trust me. I will never abuse you, harm you, and not care for you.

Trust me. I will never lie to you, because it’s different with you.

Trust me.

Trust me because everything I just told you is what I fear in myself.

Trust me to not know any different but to hurt you so you feel my pain

Trust me to not know any different but to leave you when I am scared

Trust me to cheat on you when I am done using you

Trust me to hit, scream, manipulate, yell, ignore, and be completely indifferent to you

Because everything I ever told you was a lie and the only difference was that you believed me.

Thank you for trusting me.”

Trust, a word thrown around more then “I love you” without meaning  or sincerity.   I get so sick of hearing it that I have built an immediate “no expectation” rule as soon as its spoken.  The truth is many have not a clue what it means to trust another human being. Most of us know its power, that as soon as it is uttered out of your lips, like a fish line in water the hook has been placed.

Trust, when you break down the word to its purest meaning it’s the confidence in another to be honest with you, faithful to their word, keep promises, confide in you, and not abandon you.

Trust, it requires that you have an understanding or have a realistic perspective about others and their expectation of failure.

Alex Karydi's picture

I'm seeing the Lesbian Relationship Myths I just want the Truth!

So where did we leave off? Yes, mixed messages, dysfunctional thinking, fear of abandonment, and insecurities, the perfect recipe for an unhappy self and unhealthy relationship. So how do we change?

How do I move past this and into something healthy. Lets look at four more myths and then work on soothing and healing the wounds from within.

When people hear the word healing they begin to assume that it means to be happy all the time. Do you know anyone that is happy all the time? (and not because they are on something that's making it so)

Myth- that in order "to make a relationship work I have to be happy all the time," and make things agreeable for my partner. Well that works if your Super Woman and you have an endless supply of energy. However, if your like me, a mortal with ups and downs then acceptance is the key.

the gay love coach's picture

Restoring Trust in Gay Relationships

Introduction

Trust is probably the most important ingredient in fostering a healthy committed relationship and is commonly known to be the glue that cements a couple together. Trust is the endearing faith and confidence that your partner will respect you and not take advantage of or hurt you. It’s a feeling that he is genuine, authentic, dependable, and sincere. This connection allows you to be completely uninhibited and open yourself up to being vulnerable and share your most intimate thoughts and feelings—spots and all! Time and experience with your man has enabled a climate of safety to evolve in your relationship because you’ve both consistently demonstrated honor and strength of character in your actions toward each other and those around you.

While trust takes time to develop and is a hallmark of a successful relationship, it can very quickly be damaged if not nurtured and cause severe consequences for the future of the partnership afflicted by an indiscretion. Once trust has been compromised, it can be very difficult to repair, and in some cases that damage can be irreversible. This article will offer some tips for those couples invested in bridging the gap and attempting to restore the impaired trust in their relationships.

book of blue's picture

Trust and Compersion

Macro image of moss on the west side of the waterfall, on the Grandmother Land in New York. Photo by Eric Francis.

The land tells stories, and at the moment with my lover, I did not like the story that I was hearing. This, in spite of my love of her sexual freedom. I felt like someone had spilled dye into the pool of my emotions. My body and senses felt flush and like I was losing control. The feeling was sorrow. I was not sure where it was coming from but I was not in a position to question it.

Gradually as the day progressed I got a sense of my inner landscape. We talked about it there, at the waterfall, and then later at home. I am not sure I can reconstruct the conversation here. Nearly a week has gone by and I know more today than I did then.

The prior day, on the way out the door to visit me for the first time, she called up her other lover, invited him over and made love to him. Then, leaving two hours later than she planned, she got in the car and came to see me.

As I have explained, this kind of choice for her is in our relationship agreement. By mutual understanding we are free to express our sexuality and our affections as we choose. I specifically ask not to be ‘asked permission’, as I consider this parochial. Yet there is something else working for me, which is that I am attracted to people who consider themselves free individuals, and who live that way. I know many people. They are rare to find. Freedom is the freedom to love; I consider this the first and most important of them.

Compersion is the emotional and erotic process of embracing this freedom in the people we love. It’s about extending space within ourselves to love in a way that is noncompetitive. It’s often thought of as the opposite of jealousy, but I am growing into thinking of it more as a remedy for guilt. Jealousy and guilt are more closely related than psychology and spiritual theory have noted; both involve attempts to control the feelings and conduct of others; equally often we use them against ourselves, though the forms are sometimes disguised.

Syndicate content
Powered by Drupal, an open source content management system