Yes Means Yes

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

My First Experiences With Oral Sex

The first time someone went down on me, I was about fifteen and we had broken into an abandoned house on the highway walking distance from my house. The summer after grade nine was what I used to refer to as the best summer of my life. To put it mildly, I packed all the hijinks a teenager could get themselves into in two short months. For instance that very night, I had snuck out of my house to hang out with the boy I liked and his friends.

Sneaking out was exhilarating, but rather simple. I’d come home right around my curfew, say goodnight to my mom and go into my room. The moment I would get home she would go to bed. Once, I knew she was asleep, I’d put some pillows under my blanket, tiptoe out of the house and put my shoes on once I was outside. The trick was to come home before she woke up, something I forgot to do that very night.

The guy I liked, his friend and I had broken into an abandoned house. The place was a mess, clearly, we were not the first kids to enter the premises. Broken plates littered the floor, some of them broken by our very hands. Our friend passed out on the living room couch while the boy and I snuck into one of the bedrooms. A dirty mattress laid bare on the floor, but I didn’t mind. Two firsts would happen that night. It was the first time someone would explore my cunt with their hands and with their mouth. It was great. It was exhilarating. He was slightly off the mark, but I didn’t mind.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

About: How Do You Fuck a Fat Woman? by Kate Harding

Kate Harding of Shapely Prose wrote an article for the book Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape called How Do You Fuck a Fat Woman? I highly recommend this book, not only does it address topics that everyone should be aware of, but it also does so in a way that is somehow uplifting as opposed to depressing; a feeling that is much too common when reading about rape, but for the sake of this post I will address Kate Harding’s particular contribution.

The article begins:

"You should consider yourself lucky that some man finds a hideous toll like yourself rape-able."

THAT’S AN ACTUAL COMMENT left on the blog of a friend of mine, in response to a post she wrote about being raped and nearly killed. Every feminist blogger with more than four readers has dealt with comments along these lines. There are certain people who feel it’s their sacred duty to inform is, again and again, that rape is a compliment. (Or more precisely, “Rape is a compliment, you stupid whore.”)

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Saying Yes, or Something Close Enough

Facebook, great networking tool and also a huge pain in the ass when it comes to reconnecting with people there might very well be a reason why you don’t talk to anymore. It’s not always so bad though, the Internet has forged and in some cases re-forged some great connections over the years, for a lot of people, I’m sure.

To start off with I’m already a pretty nostalgic person when it comes to reminiscing about the past and automatically seeing updates of people in my news feed that were a part of my life over ten years ago puts certain people at the forefront of my mind, a place they wouldn’t necessarily occupy otherwise. It has clearly been a fad to reconnect with old lovers and in some cases that has opened up some old wounds.

You get to see how some people turned out, for better or worse, and if you’re anything like me, you might wonder about certain past relationships. There’s one person in particular that I have thought about recently, and it reminds me of a time in my life when I used to seek out and desire sexual activity with certain people, but when it came down to it, I wouldn’t say yes, but something close enough. Basically, it was a passive agency where I would engage in certain relationships because I wanted to, but I was also too afraid or too self-conscious to set up my own boundaries or to openly express my desires.

Olga Wolstenholme's picture

Learning the Value of "Yes Mean Yes"


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