Am I ready to be a Lesbian Parent?
So it's decided, you can't walk pass the baby aisle at Target without whimpering you want one. You keep looking at each other wondering what your little bundle of joy will look like and what part each of you will play in the baby's life! You already started picking names and have transformed the extra room into a nursery! You want a baby, you're talking about getting more involved in your girlfriend's child or children's lives, or maybe you're talking about adoption! But are you ready for a child?
With any couple it's important that you talk about having a baby or children seriously before going through the process. It's a lifetime commitment to another human being with no take backs! Having a child needs to be a choice that feels comfortable within yourself and as a couple. As well as deciding to become more involved in your partners offspring is a serious matter, the attachment a child forms can be a model for future relationships, and as you all know abandonment can stay scared beyond the early years.
In the LGBT world we have so many obstacles as it is and walls we need to break through it is vital for a child's success that you have to be willing to accept and educate the challenges that you'll have to face as a Lesbian mom or LGBT parent. Being stable in all areas of life will make the journey of having children a lot easier, so explore where you are financial, career wise, mentally, emotionally, and as a relationship. One big mistake so many people do, no matter what our sexual orientation, is to have a child to keep the relationship. The truth is that having a baby is so stressful from conception to the delivery and beyond that if there is no solid foundation within your relationship it will crumble! So are you ready?
Well believe it or not there are more articles and books on Lesbian Parenting and Conception then there are on relationships and intimacy! So getting information about having a baby and raising children is easy, staying health as a Lesbian and in a Lesbian relationship is not as accessible. I have a hypothesis for this equation! We are nesters by nature, always trying to build a home so we always pay close attention to details, so much so that we lose track of the whole picture and forget that it's just as important, if not more so, to be healthy individuals who are part of a complete family system! I hope and encourage you to go on a search of self-discovery before making a choice to have a baby or bring in a child into your life, in other words get in the closet and pull out all those skeletons and sort at least some of your inner demons out.
Searching and adapting who you are and what you want in life is the key to health and inner peace. Before my child, I was a selfish person, completely self-destructive in every way. I had lost both my parents young and tragically, my mother was murdered in
Nine months later my beautiful and miraculous child was born! Fortunately, a year before my daughter was conceived I had begun to search within, I spent all my time alone in solitude searching for answers and questioning my impact on the world I lived in. I traveled, which I had always done with others but now I was alone. I had begun thinking more of women and being Gay as well as how I felt about making choices less out of anxiety, fear of disappoint and the unknown and more because of my wants and needs! I began eating and exercising regularly as well as going on a vitamin and supplement diet. I meditated and prayed regularly, focusing on centering myself and calming my anxieties. I also began to also care about what I allowed myself to think, feel, and act upon. I started creating goals and believed that I could go back to school and get my PhD. I was already on the road to recovery but my child is the one that added the rocket fuel to who I am and projected me into another dimension.
She enhanced my life and I decided not to live in fear anymore or under any person’s judgment. I decided to live fully so I could be her role model of the pursuit of happiness and self-growth. She teaches me everyday the wonders of life and living, and each day I force myself to remember who I am and what my intentions are with myself and others, "What do I want out of this? What am I trying to gain?" "What is your intention?"
No, a baby is not going to save you or your relationship! A baby won’t make you happier! Happiness is found within, it's an internal wonder of life, but children, partners, work and friends definitely enhance it.... But you are the one that Creates It! So before you take that step of bringing another soul into this world or into your home, begin with creating love within yourself and as a couple. Be able to look in the mirror at yourself and say "I love you and I can not wait to share who you are with all that are in my life!" If you can do that and mean it without saying "Whatever" or "This is stupid" then you have already started Your Journey.
/The Lesbian Guru