Attention Lesbians, Trust Me!

Alex Karydi's picture
 
“Trust me.

Trust me. I would never hurt you.

Trust me. I will never leave you.

Trust me. I will not cheat on you.

Trust me. I will never abuse you, harm you, and not care for you.

Trust me. I will never lie to you, because it’s different with you.

Trust me.

Trust me because everything I just told you is what I fear in myself.

Trust me to not know any different but to hurt you so you feel my pain

Trust me to not know any different but to leave you when I am scared

Trust me to cheat on you when I am done using you

Trust me to hit, scream, manipulate, yell, ignore, and be completely indifferent to you

Because everything I ever told you was a lie and the only difference was that you believed me.

Thank you for trusting me.”

Trust, a word thrown around more then “I love you” without meaning  or sincerity.   I get so sick of hearing it that I have built an immediate “no expectation” rule as soon as its spoken.  The truth is many have not a clue what it means to trust another human being. Most of us know its power, that as soon as it is uttered out of your lips, like a fish line in water the hook has been placed.

Trust, when you break down the word to its purest meaning it’s the confidence in another to be honest with you, faithful to their word, keep promises, confide in you, and not abandon you.

Trust, it requires that you have an understanding or have a realistic perspective about others and their expectation of failure.

Like a cypress tree it takes time to grow, needing an environment of consistency in what is being said and actions taken, it’s love, forgiveness and acceptance.  Where power and control are surrendered as part of a destructive force in a relationship, and expectations are lowered.

When women come into our lives they are broken, that is one truth you can hold in your trust.  That we begin breaking as soon as we leave the womb.  Every piece of our history and past has left marks and wounds that complicate our knowing of self and the way we deal with our relationships.

If she tells you she’s hurt every other women she’s been in a relationship with, she is telling you the truth, and she is also warning you.  If she tells you that in her past relationships there was difficulty in communication, abuse, anger, abandonment ect… she’s warning you. She’s telling you “I have been broken, this is my pattern, and this is who I am.”

Previous pain hurts, fears, and losses can interfere in a relationship and determine the success of a relationship. 

We are fragile. You can tell me you are strong, that you overcome great battles but not without scares and fears.

Therefore we need to readjust our reality of what others are capable of and when you choose to trust.  Trust grows with the relationship. As you share with each other you begin to build an understanding of the woman you have begun to care for.  You give yourself time to see if the person is authentic and determine their character, needs, attitudes, motivations, goals, and of course, their fears.

Trust grows from unconditional love. When she expresses kindness and you feel her acceptance, you feel comfortable being vulnerable and honest about who you are and how you feel. Trust is when you are communicating openly, sharing feelings, failures, and ideas.

So ask yourself, how does she communicate to you? Do you feel love, kindness, is it open or are you scared and feel powerless. I always ask would they talk to their family or friends this way.  If I know that this inpatient, angry or unstable communication is mine alone to endure I take a step back after I have communicated how I feel about the relationship and re-evaluate if it is a situation I want to CHOOSE to stay in.

I cannot be in a fear-based relationship as it creates distrust, dishonesty, mixed messages, pain, and breaks down intimacy.

People can change but only if they want to. People can change if they are willing to let go of the fears and pains that have been setting them back, when they can let go of control and forgive themselves for failures. People can change when they let go of the notion of perfection, and that because there is no perfection, you will disappoint your partner.

When we can accept are imperfections and see how another person loves us with the knowledge of all that makes us imperfect you will never feel a greater love.  The freedom to share, be true to yourself without fear, make mistakes with the opportunity to learn forgiveness and growth. WOW. Real love. Real trust.

A wondrous adventure with another person, who was once a stranger that chose you, to be with you, to grow with you. Now that is something to chase and run too rather then looking in your rearview mirror at all the could haves, should haves, and would haves.

Tell me, what’s in front of you? Is there something you could do differently today? Are you treating each other with kindness? Is there something you can let go so you can begin forgiveness and growth towards a new direction? Tell me, are you doing what you need too to be trustful?

~The Lesbian Guru

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru  

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