Bisexual Boys I have Known
When I was in college and recently out as bisexual, I had a hard time believing everyone else wasn’t a little bi too. I started asking boys I knew: just a little bi? At parties, I suggested boys should kiss, trying to start a cheer-on. But it never worked.
David, who runs male bisexuality blog, Bi The Way, had some insight: “Most straight men (often wrongly) view a bisexual woman as an opportunity for a threesome. This strangely, but fortunately, ensures that most men view bisexual women with no stigma.
Moreover there are a lot of female celebs flying the bisexual flag with pride, and that helps. Female bisexuality is viewed as something chic. Even if its not to everyone’s taste. It’s a bit like when you see Lady Gaga wearing a dress made of meat. You probably wouldn’t wear it yourself, but you know she looks awesome.”
I was pressing boys because girls were much more likely to say “maybe!” or drunkenly stick a tongue in my mouth. Male bisexuality is often a harder, stigmatized path. This post dedicated to all of the bi boys, putting a spotlight on a few I’ve known (and loved.)
“So my first boyfriend, Steffan. I was living in London and met him at The Wayout Club. They billed it as ‘gay, straight, and everyone in between.’ I was 19 that summer and I didn’t know much about my sexuality.
Steffan was a Ginger Spice impersonator. He was in Spice World, so London’s most famous drag queen. We didn’t go home together that night but I went back to his place with a few people. I left my jacket there and then we started hanging out, I think he was in drag the first time we kissed. Later he died. They said it was from cancer. It could have been AIDS. I met his family once but didn’t have a way to stay in touch.
Jeff is not out to his parents, but thinks Mom knows because she once awkwardly told him she likes Will and Grace. “My household was Catholic, we didn’t talk about a lot of things. My brother and I once found a Playgirl in my dad’s stash of Playboys. My brother’s response was ‘some guys are occasionally into that’. Later he had a little bit of homophobia. It was weird. He owned Morrissey CD’s but wasn’t open about sexuality.”
“I started exploring bisexuality my sophomore year of college, I met gay people my age and was interested in gay culture. The house I grew up in wasn’t racist or sexist but it was homophobic. I got in fights with my parents later, but even in high-school I got that gay-rights was the civil rights movement of our time.”
“I had been working on it for awhile and knew I could stay ‘straight’. But it’s more comfortable being who you are. So, fuck it, I am going to be bi. I picked up Windy City Times, I tried coming out to a few people and I really expected the coming out party–’congratulations, here is our secret password, these are the nights where you can meet both women and men and just be yourself.’ What i got was mostly indifference, some negativity.”
“Even amongst homosexual men, many don’t engage in anal sex. It would have made me more comfortable if someone had told me that. Anal was intimidating and made me a cautious of experimenting, if you think the end goal is anal sex and you are scared of that, you’re not going to start to begin with. Part of that might be internalized homophobia”
“You can be bi without having any sexual experience. But here is a tip, dating other bisexuals is a quick shorthand to successful relationships, this is not to say with all bisexuals or no gay-straights, but often they get your sexuality.”
“I’m kind of an interesting case because I’ve never had a sexual experience with a boy. But I’ve been in love and made out with a bunch-a-dudes. It’s been hard because a lot of people question bisexuality. It took a lot of people questioning me before i became 100% solid that I was bi and couldn’t help it.”
I ask, if it is different with men and women, which was big realization for my own bisexuality. “There’s the physical aspect of it, I imagine resting my head on my boytoy’s chest…it’s more romantic in a way. It’s like when you just want to lay in bed and sleep all day with the person. With girls it is more exciting and there is an element of the chase.”
“When i met Nick, we were totally inseparable and it didn’t take long before i realized i would feel sad when he wasn’t around. And that I was talking about him to so many people, just like when i have a crush on a girl. It was a lot of mental unpacking, using logic to realize it doesn’t make sense for me to exclude loving the same gender. I think the big question was: “are you sure there isn’t the possibility that there is a man out there you could fall in love with?”
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