Critique of Betty Dodsons How to Squirt Video
Or, how "liberation" can be oppressive too.
Previously published in PopMyCherryReview.com--Critique of Betty Dodson's How to Squirt
So last week while reading through my feeds at CarnalNation.com, I came across Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross' video on the G-spot called "How to Squirt". I thought, "This should be interesting" knowing that Betty Dodson is kind-of anti-G-spot (or more accurately pro-clitoris); I was interested in what she would have to say about the subject. This video, by the way, was a response to the most popular question of the week on their website dodsonandross.com, "How can I squirt across the room". You will see by watching the video below that they never really answer this question seriously, unless you include the "smoke and mirrors" parlor tricks they describe like using a douche, or holding your pee too long.
Here is the video so you can take a look and see what Dodson and Ross have to say.
So, first off, the tone of the video is very condescending and well, snarky. Dodson immediately attacks Dr. Oz (from the popular TV show Dr. Oz) saying "Did you believe that misinformation!” Last week Dr. Oz had a show on the G-spot which you can see a snippet of here. In this episode, Dr. Oz calls the G-spot "the holy grail of sex, the mystical g-spot, the KEY to intense sexual gratification in women..." It is the word "KEY” that really throws Betty Dodson into a tantrum. Ross is quick to note that the KEY to female pleasure is the clitoris, and Dodson emphasizes that even more by spelling it out. C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S. Okay, Betty. Don't insult us. We can spell.
Dodson and Ross then turn the whole video “answer” into a feminist discourse bringing back the time-old debate of "clitoral vs. g-spot": aka Kinsey/Dodson/Ross vs. Freud/Whipple/Sundahl. And, that’s fine… It is their soapbox after all. For the record, most sexologists agree (even the ones who advocate G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation) that the clitoris is the KEY to female sexual pleasure and that the G-spot is an extension of the clitoral structure (read my article on female anatomy here). However, that doesn't mean that G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation are merely “parlor tricks” as Dodson and Ross try to imply.
"Shooting across the room is a parlor trick... Drink a liter of Evian and ... fill up your bladder..." You can see where they were going with this line of reasoning before they broke down in snarky laughter. The two continue to explain how to ejaculate using CLITORAL stimulation only with Betty's much loved Hitachi, saying "then push out and you will ejaculate... giving birth to an orgasm." Never once do they mention direct G-spot stimulation, vagina penetration, or anything else that would go near the G-spot. And, while some women can ejaculate via clitoral stimulation alone, or without any stimulation what-so-ever (now that is some parlor trick!) most women need G-spot stimulation with a G-spot toy, hands, fingers or whatever can stroke it so it fills with prostate fluid to create ejaculate. Never once does either Dodson or Ross try to answer their reader's "most popular question of the week- 'How can I squirt across the room'" with a real answer that addresses the G-spot. I find it very strange that Dodson tries to evade the question with her own all-powerful CLITORIS agenda. This is a real disservice in my mind to her readers and for women seeking real sexuality advice about the G-spot and female ejaculation.
Okay. So, if that wasn't bad enough, then Dodson starts saying how grossed out she is by female ejaculation: "Personally, I find it all too messy... don't you dare squirt in my bed..." Then she makes a bunch of awful sounds and faces, and says "Oh, please, go to the bathroom! Go pee in the toilet... I mean... really..." This is not the response I would expect from a reputable “sex positive” educator, someone who many women look up to for sexuality advice. Mind, you, Dodson has always been unconventional, and has never wanted to fit in with established views, which is what has made her great. However, if we turn the clock back to when she was first trying to teach women about their clitoris and orgasms, how did she feel when those "in the know" discounted her orgasms as ugly and messy, or undervalued them? Is this not what she has been fighting against her entire career? For women to have the FREEDOM to and RIGHT to orgasm however they desire? Yet, she nonchalantly cheapens the G-spot and female ejaculation into something messy and gross, that is only a parlor trick anyway, so why bother?
Didn’t women (before liberation) think all sex was messy? I’m sorry but this sounds both juvenile and archaic.
But wait! Just in case you want to bother and know what female ejaculation “feels” like, allow Dodson and Ross to explain, since they are such experts on the subject, neither having ever experienced a G-spot ejaculation themselves!
"Now imagine you have a full bladder and you've gone way too long and have to pee... for the last hour... and you make it to the toilet and just let it go... feels so good." So according to Dodson and Ross, female ejaculation feels like having a really good piss, again equating it to something gross and messy that we wouldn’t want to do during sex. Sorry to enlighten you girls, but a G-spot orgasm and ejaculation doesn’t feel like a really good piss, any more than a clitoral orgasm feels like a really good sneeze. For the record Betty and Veronica (sorry, eh... Carlin), a G-spot orgasm feels fucking great! It doesn’t feel like pissing, or even like a clitoral orgasm what-so-ever.
“Some G-spot orgasms with feel like a roar of sexual energy that is experienced as a deep, full-body quaking and total sexual release. Others are like a rippling effect that sends waves of pleasure tingling through you… Many women note that a G-spot orgasm comes after a series of smaller orgasms, when they are at the ultimate peak of arousal. To some women, G-spot orgasms are more powerful than any other type they have ever experienced.”--How to Pleasure Your G-spot
Dodson even goes on to say that having a great piss could be considered an orgasm as it is a "release of tension." So, I guess, according to Dodson and Ross having diarrhea and vomiting could be considered really good orgasms well? Whatever turns your crank, I guess, but I’ll stick to my G-spot thanks.
To conclude the video, Dodson states that any orgasm is good as long as you have one. But, then negates this comment by saying, "And, there is nothing wrong with having a little 'parlor trick' and bearing down and shooting across the room", something she accomplished in the bathtub by filling her vagina with water from a douche. So, according to her, G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation are not real? Tell that to the hundreds of thousands of women who experience them.
Am I, and other women who can ejaculate, simply doing a silly parlor trick, and if we are, then why? I'm not a porn star and I most often ejaculate in private during masturbation. So what reason would I have for performing a parlor trick for myself? Are Dodson and Ross saying the whole G-spot/ejaculation phenomenon is a sham? If so, they are trying to censure every woman’s right to seek out G-spot pleasure and orgasm. And, censoring a woman’s right to pleasure should be something Dodson is very familiar with from her pioneering days of teaching women about their right to sexual pleasure, masturbation and orgasm.
Dodson sees the G-spot as “fashionable” and ejaculation as “[j]ust one more thing a woman [have] to achieve,” both of which rival her glorious CLITORIS. “Just when I thought the clitoris had been reinstated thanks to seventies feminists, women and their lovers dived back inside vaginas searching for a magic spot.”--G-spot Revisited And, although I understand Dodson’s frustration after fighting for CLITORAL domination all these years, I don’t see how discarding the G-spot and female ejaculation along with countless women’s experiences is helping women achieve sexual freedom which I thought was her ultimate goal.
Why do we have to choose between the clitoris and G-spot anyway? Why do we have to go back to an age-old debate, between phallocentric vaginal supremacy and angry feminist condemnation as we try to supplant the vagina with the clitoris? Women have both a clitoris and a G-spot, and can experience both types of pleasure. It wasn't so long ago (I'm sure Betty will remember) when women were not allowed to be sexual creatures at all and were treated for hysteria. So, let’s stop taking steps backwards, and acknowledge both the clitoris and G-spot for the miraculous sexy parts they are, and celebrate all parts of the female sexual anatomy. Women shouldn't feel pressured to choose one over the other, or to have one if they can't. Do what comes naturally. Masturbate, and you'll find your own way to "give birth to your own orgasm"!
So, to end my ranting critique, I’d like to accuse Dodson and Ross of doing the same thing that they accused Dr. Oz of doing. Spreading a big bunch of bullshit misinformation in their "How to Squirt" video. Perhaps Dr. Oz was over-emphasizing the importance of the G-spot, and there is no doubt that there is a lot of hype about that “elusive” spot in the media. And, I don’t agree with his idea of injecting the G-spot with collagen to make it more exaggerated (scary), you can do that simply by stimulating it. But, by pretending that G-spot orgasms and ejaculation is merely a myth or a trick, just because you can experience one yourself, is doing womankind a real disservice. After watching Dr. Oz’s video, I think he actually explained the G-spot very well for the general public and was not misinformed.
So, get used to it girls. The G-spot does exist. And, G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation feel fucking amazing. Especially when they're messy!
***
Afterword- Coincidentally… In "The G-spot Revisited" Betty Dodson talks more about her views on the G-spot and female ejaculation and acknowledges that both exist. Still, she vehemently fights against it believing its existence challenges her CLITORAL hierarchy. Is this debate about two parts of the female anatomy, or is it a radical feminist battle against phallocentric "masturbating inside vaginas" and male vs. female pleasure?
You tell me? What do you think about this issue?
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Comments
I think this is a great post
Thanks for this rich and thorough conversation.
I cannot speak about clitoral or g-spot stimulation from the perspective of having on on my body. I really liked how you pulled the ideas of various stages of feminism and feminist identity into consideration. Sure, they are possible motives and only Betty knows her views and values. Still, I like the discussion of how or if the ideas or the values of previous feminist conversations play out within and against contemporary feminist values, goals and identity statements.
To your point, the answer is going to be different for each woman and the respect of each individual woman to claim her own experience is a common component of most if not all generations of feminism.
Betty blazes her own trail and as you pointed out, that iconclastic facet of her is part of what has propelled her to do so many wonderful things. She (like anyone else) is entitled to her dislikes, beliefs and judgments. I come down on your side of this conversation because I believe in finding respect for each of us in the terms we choose to define our own sex, gender & body.
I don't see Betty as having done anything "wrong" per se. I just think that some opportunity for inclusion has been missed. Even so, the gift of this conversation is a direct result and for that I am grateful.
Welcome to SexGenderBody and thank you for bringing your mind to this conversation.
(tipped & rec'd)
-arvan
Thanks Arvan
Thank you for your comments and thoughts on this subject. Yes, certainly Betty has her own ideas and agenda and is definitely entitled to her own judgements and beliefs. She is free to express her own views as she did and always does, and I do understand her frustration with the whole G-spot/clitoral debate. With all the G-spot hoopla, the clitoris does get undervalued in society by being overlooked, or being called a second rate type of orgasm, when for most women it is still the only way they do get off.
I do think, in a lot of ways, that "previous feminist conversations play out within and against contemporary feminist values, goals and identity statements..." The female body has long been a battlefield for feminists, reclaiming the messy parts of our anatomy through performance art in the 70s (Annie Sprinkle/ Carolee Schneeman) and post-modern artists / film theroists deconstruction of the abject or monstrous feminine (Cindy Sherman / Barbara Creed), and now with contemporary feminists using sex-positive pornography as a vehicle for self-empowerment by embracing their own sexuality and desires (Maria Betty / Courtney Trouble). I think there are probably many feminists and women who still think that "pornography is violence against women" (Dworkin) and that the women who are in these films are degraded, objectified, and subjected to the "male gaze", rather than sexually empowered, independent woman who actively engages in their own desires and who are subjects of their own creation.
But, that's another article and critique!
My thoughts...
You two bring up some very interesting points, and I would just like to add, in a very simplistic manner, that I don't see why the clitoris vs the g-spot debate has so many people falling on one side or the other. They are both important, no? And of course, I can see the importance of creating a discourse and a voice for the clitoris at a time when heterosexual sexual relationships were typically very "penis in vagina in out", but I think we've reached a point in time where it doesn't have to be "one or the other". To exclude to importance of the clitoris or of the g-spot in female sexuality is doing a disservice to all women. I long since loved my clitoris and without it my sexual life would be very dismal indeed, but having the freedom and the opportunity to explore another area of my sexuality is just as important.
As for my comments on Betty Dodson's video itself, I didn't like how they implied that you would need to fill your bladder (true they might use that on porn sets, since it's easier to take a piss and pass it off as ejaculate then to actually take the time and set up a proper ejaculation, but that's not the reality of female ejaculation).
And yes, it's true that a release of prostatic (g-spot = female prostate) is released inside the vagina to help protect the sperm and facilitate fertilization (isn't the body amazing), there is also a release of fluid from a gland duct that is located near the opening of the urethra, which releases fluid from the body and not into the vagina. (stronger PC muscles will result in an actual spurt) and it's a little insulting to have someone refer to female ejaculation as a "parlor trick". Yes, pushing out at the moment of orgasm will help in the release of fluid, but it's the automatic contractions of your PC muscles that will push out the ejaculate at the time of orgasm. The first time it happened to me, I wasn't trying to do anything. Like you said, why would I perform a parlor trick when alone? Which is when it always happens.
And...
"It's too messy"
First of all, to continue and propagate the myth that sex is "too messy" is only fostering an environment that promotes self-doubt and self-consciousness or the idea that their is something "wrong" with you when it turns out that sex happens to involve a lot of bodily fluids, from sweet, to cum, to saliva and whatever the hell else you are into. I mean, isn't that what we are all here for, to dispel the idea that there's something wrong or abnormal with people in general when it comes to our bodies and our sexuality? No wonder, so many people have major body issues.
"go to the bathroom"
"go pee in the toilet"
That statement right there has made many woman feel like there's something wrong with them, when there isn't. Listen ladies, IT'S NOT PEE. It doesn't come out of the same place, it's not produced by the same glands....Not pee! The end.
Oh Ya...
Great post by the way!
Thanks Olga!
Thanks Olga! Some great and thoughtful comments! Yes, I agree that we should be well beyond the C vs G-spot debate by now.
One thing I noticed in Dodson's "The G-spot Revisited" is that she talks about kegels and PC muscles and how they are important for good vaginal health and orgasms, but then says that women who practice G-spot orgasms/squirting have weak PC muscles because they are pushing out instead of pulling up.
"Teachers of female ejaculation completely contradict the description of how to strengthen the pelvic floor muscle. They instruct students to bear down or push out during masturbation... Women who consistently bear down to urinate, ejaculate, have a bowel movement or have multiple births weaken the muscles if they don't also lift up while consciously exercising the pelvic floor muscles."--Dodson
What she doesn't seem to understand however, is that while you may push out during orgasm and squirting, it takes STRONG not weak PC muscles to accomplish fem-ejaculation. Therefore, doing kegel exercises and having strong PC muscles is something that is necessary for squirting. Every book or article I have read on the subject of female ejaculation encourages good PC muscle health and doing kegels regularly, so Dodson's argument seems contradictory to what I have read from other sexologists.
She also seems to believe that the majority of fluid that is ejaculated by women comes from the bladder. However, I have read many other reports that say that female ejaculate is not urine.
"The chemical make-up of that ejaculate is not urine, but contains high levels of prostatic acid phosphatase, glucose and fructose (all found in the prostate fluid of semen)."--PopMyCherryReview, Yes Virginia, there is a G-spot"
And, as you stated, this fluid comes from a gland/duct that has nothing to do with the bladder (the Skene's Gland).
"First of all, to continue and propagate the myth that sex is "too messy" is only fostering an environment that promotes self-doubt and self-consciousness or the idea that their is something "wrong" with you when it turns out that sex happens to involve a lot of bodily fluids, from sweet, to cum, to saliva and whatever the hell else you are into. I mean, isn't that what we are all here for, to dispel the idea that there's something wrong or abnormal with people in general when it comes to our bodies and our sexuality? No wonder, so many people have major body issues. "--Olga
Yes, I think this is what set me off about the video the most. Just the condescending manner in which she expressed her distaste for something that has taken a lot of women a long time to accept as a natural part of their sexual body functions and not gross. I remember the first time I ejaculated (by accident) like you. It was totally unexpected and I thought I had pissed the bed. I was embarrassed and for a very long time (years & years!) I suppressed that part of my response. It was not until I began educating myself about female sexuality and reading many books by sexologists that I realized what had happened wasn't urination at all, but completely natural for some women. From then on I allowed myself to just let myself go, and was again able to ejaculate, although it took a lot of practice and learning about my own body before I could do it without "trying" again. So, I was quite shocked by Dodson's attitude about female ejaculation, as it seemed to be a tactic of trying to "shame" women into believing their ejaculate is "dirty". I agree, that it is those types of attitudes that continue to propagate negative body issues, as you have suggested. So that is a great point to bring up.
Thanks for adding to the discussion!
a nice follow up from Dodson & Ross
is up now on their site.
http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/rebecca-chalker/2009/11/latest-female-eja...
Rebecca Chalker wrote it at Betty's request. I like it for a couple of reasons:
First, it's an open acknowledgement of the conversation. I have read enough blogs that talk about each other or at each other or over each other. I really love adult, respectful behavior. Betty & Carlin have long been examples of the latter and this is no exception.
Second, Betty asked Rebecca to write it. Apparently, the two of them have debated the subject of female ejaculation, fromopposite perspectives. Betty could have said something herself, written from her point of view. There's nothing wrong with either approach. In choosing Rebecca, I am left feeling that Betty is very much committed to a dialogue on sexuality that supports individual choice and expression. I really appreciate Betty Dodson and this was an adult choice to frame this as inquiry rather than a soapbox.
Finally, I think that Rebecca did a first-rate job in walking down her knowledge and resources of female ejaculation. Her points are well made and in no way disrespectful or dismissive. Thanks Rebecca.
-arvan
Rebecca's response on female
Rebecca's response on female ejaucaltion is respectful and FACTUAL, although I would disagree that Dominadoll's post was a "rant"...maybe I'm being a little nitpicky, but the word 'rant' to me as a negative connotation and implies that a person is going on about a subject wildly and impassionately. It's true that it was a passionate response to Betty Dodson's video, but it also brought up some very good points in a way that leads to believe that Dominadoll knows what she's talking about as opposed to just ranting about it. What I would like to read, hear or see is why Betty Dodson's negates the valid proof of female ejaculation and dismisses it as a "parlor trick". Clearly, she thinks it's pee, when it has been medically proven to be otherwise. What I want to know is why? What are her counter arguments? Of course, she's entitled to her opinion and whether or not she wants to favor the clitoris is well in her rights, and I applaud her for it and I applaud her for her work, but the existence and validity of female ejaculation isn't a matter of opinion. It's not relative. It's a fact. It exists and it's not pee.
Thank you!
arvan : Thank you for the link to Rebecca Chalker's article. This is what I was hoping for was some sort of response from Betty Dodson with accurate information on the subject of female ejaculation and the G-spot. I realize she disagrees with Rebecca, yet still asked her to write a response to my challenge, which I appreciate. Obviously she was concerned enough that I felt the way I did about her video, and perhaps thought other women needed a valid response to this argument as well. Or perhaps she felt she had to respond just to me and my so-called "rant". Whatever the case I am pleased that she put this information up on her website, as it is one of the subjects on female sexuality that is most overlooked on dodsonandross.com. It is fine to have a discourse, as that is how we discuss topics and how we learn.
Olga: I agree. I would love to see Dodson and Chalker debate this subject via video, and maybe Betty could answer some questions, about "parlor tricks" and "pee". She very much disagrees with Whipple. I know that some women cannot experience female ejaculation for a variety of reasons, so perhaps for some of these women, it doesn't exist to them. Nina Hartley has tried to ejaculate and can't, and she believes this is because her urethra is too close to her vagina and therefore gets blocked and instead she experiences retrograde ejaculation. Still, she doesn't dismiss the fact that the G-spot and ejaculation do exist.
And, than you Olga for validating my post as a discourse rather than a rant!
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