Do swingers have something to teach non-swingers?
It dawned on me the other day that while I wrote the book for swingers, every relationship needs to create the same foundations. I think many swingers actually have it all together which is why they can swing or have open relationships, and it's the non swingers, in many cases, that carry the most "love junk" which means they would never be able to swing, but also they'll never know what it's like to be in completely free relationship, and I'm not talking about the freedom to have sex with other people.
The freedom I'm talking about is the freedom to be in the relationship as themselves; the freedom to be who they are with their partner and the freedom to choose to stay with that person for another day.
Many non swinging relationships are doing "fine", but I'm not sure they are truly making the most of the relationship and it occurred to me that they might not know where the cracks or issues are. I know I did it in my first marriage, I brushed off many of the "little" things and didn't realise how much of a big impact they made, eventually adding up to the end of that relationship.
Since Mr Wonderful and I started swinging we've noticed that making that transition is like putting a magnifying glass up to the relationship; swinging will magnify any issues that are in the relationship, and I mean any!
Any foundation that is not strong enough will show up, any self esteem or insecurity issue will be brought to the forefront and any relationship that doesn't have the communication lines completely open will struggle under the load.
For instance, most swingers are non jealous; I see couples all the time where if one happens to notice someone gorgeous walk by, the other gets pissed off! Swingers are usually great at communication because they share everything, talk to a non-swinger couple (in general) and there are still things they don't share such as their deepest sexual desires, especially if it involves a third party.
Many swingers have a certain level of bedroom confidence (which evolves, it's not always there to start with) and I find it's more of an issue with women than men, but they don't tend to try too many things or get adventurous because of their insecurity or low self esteem.
I know I felt that way, a while ago now... Mr Wonderful would ask me to do something like bend over and take my knickers off in a sexy way, and at first I felt like a complete idiot and didn't it would look any good... but I realised that he's asking me to do it because he already thinks I'm sexy and it's something he wants to see... no one else was watching so why the hell not?
It was just me! So every relationship can be enhanced by the individuals working on their own self esteem issues and don't worry, even swingers have those, just not as many it seems.
So part of my new mission? To help all couples! It appears there are a lot of things I can help non-swingers with it's just where to start?!?! I have no idea, and who knows, by the end of it I may have increased the swinging population, lol!
...and that's just what I think :)
http://www.chantelleaustin.com <taken from Chantelle's Diary>