JoyGirl's picture

I'm sure the title of this article has some of you scratching your heads.  It's a newer term and one that I feel fits me best.  The first time I heard the term I felt like doing cartwheels, I'd finally found MY term.  Before finding the term heteroflexible I would say I'm selectively bisexual and then would have to launch into a huge explanation about my "type" of woman and why that specific type turned me on.  My type of woman is butch, dominant, and scrappy.


I suppose it all stems from my first girlfriend "T".  She was butch, thin, and muscular.  She had an intensity about her that just took my breath away every time I was near her.  I met "T" in high school and fell instantly in lust.  Her personality and charm just swept me off my feet and I let myself get carried away.  Sex with her was amazing and we had an on and off association through our teenaged years until we finally just lost touch and I focused on my relationship with Alan.


I never questioned my sexuality I didn’t think I was a lesbian even though I had a girlfriend because I was still very attracted to males.  I didn’t feel that bisexual fit me either but it was the only term available at the time.  I didn’t use it openly but neither did I deny it.  “T” was a force unto herself and many of the girls who were around her were similarly attracted to her.  I have never felt conflicted about my sexuality as some do.  It has always simply another aspect me.


So what is heteroflexible in practice?  Well, it's me.  I'm primarily heterosexual and I like my men to be very masculine and dominant, I need that specific mixture to be physically aroused.  Of course I prefer partners of at least average intelligence too; what are you going to do when you're not having sex?  The flexible part comes into play when I find a specific woman I'm attracted to.  I'm not attracted to every woman I meet.  I'd say I'm not even attracted to most women.  There are very few that push my "buttons", as it were.


M'Lady is just about the only woman who does push some of my buttons that doesn't match my type.  M'Lady is a dominant woman whom I submit and answer to.  I'm poly as well but that's another article entirely!  M'Lady is very feminine and soft but she has got a dominant type A personality that calls to the submissive in me.  She is a very sensual woman and that is most evident during our play (SM scene) together.  She is very sadistic but she's also nurturing during play.  She'll follow up a rather harsh volley of whipping with soft strokes and cuddles before she starts in again with another round of whipping or paddling.


However, my relationship with m'Lady is strictly non-sexual but that isn't to say that there isn't some attraction at play or affection and genuine caring.  There is a great deal of caring and affection between us but with our relationship being defined primarily as dominant and submissive m'Lady prefers a "no sex" boundary so as to keep the lines from getting blurred.  For me, this still falls within the parameters of heteroflexibility.


Heteroflexible is not bisexual, that would indicate an equal amount of attraction to either sex.  Obviously it’s not homosexual either as that would indicate a primary, or sole, attraction to the same sex.  I suppose this would then open the door for another new term, homoflexible, one who is primarily homosexual but willing to perform heterosexual acts.


There really is no either/or with human sexuality and we’re only now starting to realize this and create new terms to define the myriad possibilities and combinations.

I’d like to say I’ve got my sexuality defined and in a “box” but knowing myself as I do I know that would be a lie.  I am constantly evolving and changing.  Maybe eventually I’ll drop the ‘homo’ or ‘hetero’ and I’ll just be sexually flexible.  One never knows what the future holds.  For now, this is me, heteroflexible and happy to be so.

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