Hit it, Snort it, Chug it.... Don't call me an addict!

Alex Karydi's picture

I will keep your secret, I will not tell… a soul
That you drink alone
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
I will not tell anyone when you do that line of coke or take one more hit of smoke
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
I will not tell that when you are high and drunk…
You like to hit me
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
I will not tell anyone know why my thighs are bruised, my eye is black and my heart is broken
I will not tell, I will not tell a soul
Your secrets safe… I will not tell anyone
… That we are lost and alone.”

No you do not have a problem; it is the world that has a problem with you. No, you drink like everyone else, and the drugs, well that is just recreational and you are in control of that too! No not you because only street bums, whores, and low lives are addicts.

There is a little dirty secret in our community that has been kept hidden for a while now, no one dares really to talk about it. I personally think it is just ignored that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LBGT) has a high rate and probably underrated number of substance abuse and use in our community.

Mostly in  part and sadly it is our own LGBT community that keeps it hidden out of fear of bringing further attention in to our dysfunctional way and worried that the heterosexual community will have more ammunition to justify the abomination of our existence.

Additionally, due to the lack of funding that goes into research and the unwillingness of many to come out of the closet it is unsure how many of us there are and how many of us need help. We have no real resources that are tailored to our needs in terms of Alcohol, Drugs, and Other Substances (AODs) and most of us suffer in silence.

So you are reading this and many of you may be thinking, well I do not have a problem and maybe you are right, but let’s play a little game and see how sure you are? Of course, that is if you dare to take a good look at yourself?

Answer these three questions:

1. Has anyone ever told you that you drink or drug too much? Yes or No

2. Do others have a different opinion about your drinking or drugging behaviors than you do? Yes or No
Example: You think 10 beers is fun and normal your friend Jane thinks that it is 9 too many.

3. Do you sometimes find yourself thinking that alcohol, cocaine, weed, pills, or something else is causing problems in your life? Yes or No

If you answered yes to two or more of these then you may have a problem. Listen to your friends and family, they are often the people that notice it first.

We often do not realize that AODs are a problem as they alter our mood and make us think differently.  They change the chemistry of your brain and once that happens you will experience physical, psychological, and behavioral changes. No one is immune to this fact, it does not matter where you grew up, how smart you think you are, or even how much money you have, and it does not even matter the substance of choice.

I am always surprised when people tell me “Well at least I am not doing crack, I just drink” or “Well, it is not like I am an alcoholic, I just smoke weed and that is natural.” Yeah, yeah, just tell yourself whatever bullshit works for you so you keep on doing whatever the fuck you need to support your belief system, the one that says “I have this all under control, this is not a problem!”

Here is the reality check, the continued use of addictive chemicals leads to continued use of addictive chemicals. Drugs and alcohol tell you how, where, when and with whom you are going to lead your life. Do you have fantasies about it? Do you have dreams about it? Do you surround yourself with people who support your habit or no one at all because you do not want one more lecture!

You are obsessed, but so sure you are in control, even when it begins to interfere with your work, friendships, family, partner, children, money, health, legally, and even maybe your spirituality.

Addiction is a Bio (life) - Psycho (mind) - Social (relationship) disease, when you begin using AODs from the very first sip or hit your brain begins to change. Ask yourself; is anyone in your family using or in the past used/abused AODs? Studies show that in families where AODs are used or abused there is a high genetic predisposition. Even a small amount of AODs over a short amount of time can trigger addiction.

Most of us are using AODs as a soother for the social stress we have to face as LGBT. It is easier to get along with people when your brain is lubricated, it also makes you numb to all those fears and worries about coming out.  We may feel for a short amount of time like we belong to the majority group. In some cases we struggle so much to find our LGBT ways we drink just to get closer to our community.

We also prolong our using when we begin to have a physical dependence of it, our tolerance increases and slowly we attempt to reach the same effect by drinking or using more and more.

You still think this is not you, well okay maybe it is not, but it is worth asking yourself what are my intentions when I take this hit or drink. What am I trying to achieve? Asking that one question saved my life. I looked truly and deeply into myself and removed all the bullshit lies and denial.

I asked myself, who are you doing this for? What are you trying to do? I was flooded with answers: to die, to live, to be loved, to feel loved, to be numb, to not feel and feel everything, to feel in control, to feel power, to stop time, to forget, to remember, to not care and say what I need too, to do what I want, to feel free, to not be ME.

None of those were good, none of those were reality, and these are all manufacturer ideas of using. The truth is I did not know me; I was blindfolded by pain and self medicating.

Stand still for a minute and imagine not doing that hit or drink for today? How do you feel just for today not doing it? Could you stand still with me, just for today? You can always pick it up tomorrow, but can you stop for today?

Or does it hurt just to think of going without your liquid love for just one day? Are you crying? It will be okay! You are not alone and help is only a call away.

If you think now that you may have a problem and you need to speak to someone call:

 Drug & Alcohol Treatment Referral National Hotline 1-800-662-4357

National Helpline 1-800-HELP-111

PRIDE (Parent’s Resource Institute for Drug education) (707) 458-9900

Narcotics Anonymous, World Service Line (818) 773-9999

National Alcoholics Anonymous 212-870-3400

Life is so fast My Darling, do you not deserve more? Do you not deserve Life?

  ~The Lesbian Guru

You have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.comwith ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://TheLesbianGuru.com! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Twitter.com/TheLesbianGuru or http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

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