How to make Lesbian Friendships

Alex Karydi's picture

Ever feel at a loss? Are you completely consumed by life demands? At times it feels like we are on a stage and everyone is watching us fail! We have a sense of lose, as if it is within reach but like a toy that’s been taken by the ocean’s current it has slipped away.


Every relationship has left a trace, maybe even jaded our view of life and love to a point where even if perfection was to walk in it would seem impossible to see her! Or maybe even want her. Why want what you can’t have or ever keep.

You go out and every woman looks the same, every woman sounds the same, so familiar on the surface nothing has changed.  We have the same discussion with different faces and hear the same empty promises and speech of lost loves and new beginnings. 

We have become committed to finding a partner so badly that for most of us friendships have been put aside, until that someone comes along. Others of us have been in relationships where being with one another was sufficient and slowly isolated you from the world. Friendship, the unconditional love we have for what once was a stranger is the equivalent to oxygen in a healthy person.

Lesbians have difficulty maintaining friendships with other lesbians. In fact, I always get a distrustful look when I tell women that all I want is a lesbian friendship from them or that I have not slept with any of my friends. Maybe I am plagued with an ideal that a love of a friend shouldn’t be cluttered by sexual advances or memories that often skew intentions and bonds. Not to say I have ex’s whom aren’t my friends but it’s different to a friend that I have shared secrets, dreams and fears without any vulnerability of sex interfering in the connection.

Then again I am an idealist and as such I think big without focusing on detail, so it may all be crap, so here are some ways to build friendships simply because it is good for you to have that kind of love! 

  • Start or join a Club, it does not matter what kind just as long as you’re passionate and have an interest. It could be a book club, chess, or some kind of activity. I used to love going to my knitting group, I can’t knit to save my life and never actually made anything but I loved listening and spending time with those ladies.
  • Volunteer, you will be doing something for another without a reward and building connections with people you may have never encountered. I suggest you begin with our community; we are in need of volunteers at local LGBT centers.
  • Online, it can be safe if used widely and you will make friends globally!
  • Go to a meeting, if you’re into any kind of recovery get to a meeting, There is alcoholics (AA), narcotics (NA), codependents (CODA) anonymous meetings as well as multiple support groups for a variety of issues, behaviors and problems.
  • Go back to school or take a night class, it will build your self esteem to complete or become more competent in a different area as well as help you meet people with similar interests.
  • Get to know your neighbors, unless they are crazy or have gay bashing material visible then stay away!
  • Sign up with your alumni, you’ll get news from peers and reconnect and be able to share war stories.
  • Talk to a stranger, I do this all the time and it can be fun, you never know where the conversation is going to lead you. It is also a very good way to practice your communication skills!

Friendships are built on who we are, but mostly they are amazing when life feels lonely and repetitive. You can share laughter and tears with someone that loves you. You can also just do what my girlfriends and I enjoy doing, communicating on a level where we are able to be with gay women that understand the lifestyle. Lesbians understand the complexities of women and can have a safe place to share and grow from your LGBT support system!


~The Lesbian Guru

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