It's Not Fair!

Alex Karydi's picture

I have been sick since Thanksgiving, and it’s bad enough when you’re sick, but feeling like shit and coughing for almost a month will make anyone crazy. Run down, depressed and sad due to current life choices, which is how I always get when I’m feeling down, well I found myself saying a lot “It’s not fair!”

That statement makes my hair raise when any other person says it and I have worked hard to train myself not to fall into that hole, but when your being hit on all sides the “it’s not fairs” take over and we fall in the bottomless pit of being a victim of life’s circumstances.

So still sick, but on my way to recovery and really over everything I am taking a stand, and working on getting over the disease of falling into the victim box.  

I was telling a friend just this week, life is hard and I have every excuse in the world to be an asshole and take whatever I want from others, but I don’t. I could easily fuck who I want and kick them to the curve, lie, cheat, and steal, but I don’t. I could manipulate, abuse, and scare you into staying with me and being in my life, but I don’t. 

When life has hit us hard in all sorts of ways whether you have grown up poor, abused, abandoned, or hurt you have all the excuses in the world to be selfish, hurtful, angry, greedy, and self-centered. You can stay a victim and have the eyes and will to make all those that cross your path a predator- someone worth punishing for all your past pains.

You can use that label to never learn to trust and stay clear of love, pushing and pulling people till they feel so crazy they are running for the exit or have become hopeless to your manner and be complacent with the common habit that is you.

 Or… you could do something different?

  1. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else, even better stop comparing those you love with those who have hurt you. I can’t stand it when people start telling me all the things they don’t want. If you don’t fucking want it why the fuck are you thinking about it. WHAT DO YOU WANT! Not anyone else!
  2. When we are kids we are trained with certain beliefs “you’re stupid” or “you work hard enough and everything will go right,” “bad things happen to bad people,” but those are ideas that can be changed especially if they make you feel like shit.  You are an adult now, so let go of beliefs, ideas, and expectation that are not working for you. Create the life you want, create beliefs that are realistic and not what you think should happen or what you’re entitled to.
  3. Life does not always go as planned, but if life was a blueprint meant to be followed by the line there would be no room to grow or learn.  You can plan all you want but you will still be faced with separation, grief, stress, money issues, family problems, and loss. Theses unplanned events can cause us pain and are often very unfair. Life is about learning, and when upsets happens those are the times we have to take care of ourselves, nurture our relationships, and reevaluate our direction. Feel the pain and then move on, staying put is a sink hole.
  4. Let go of resentments. They are an absolute waste of fucking time, unless you like feeling like crap and have all the time in the world. Holding on to disappointment will only set you back and keep you from growing as an individual. Let go of that ugly thought that’s on repeat “it’s not fair. It should have worked out!” It did not my Love so move on.
  5. Ask yourself, who told you anything was fair or how the universe should run its course. Take a step back and remember your place in this world. It is not just you, there are others and you share space with all. Be respectful of the fact that you are part of a cosmic community and balance in our world and that means that good and shitty things happen.
  6. Stop wanting to CONTROL everything. You can’t and actually really you’re not going to, however disillusioned you are in thinking you have control. There is no such thing as ultimate control, so do your best at building balance between taking and giving of control. One of the biggest lessons westerners have to learn is relinquishing control. When you listen and accommodate for others you are relinquishing control but are getting respect and love back.
  7. Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t push people away with the “life is not fair” so I am going to do what I want, how I want, when I want. Don’t play with others that don’t want to share and love like you? Find balance and healthy love.
  8. Look at your life and ask yourself if you were really were responsible for every bad thing that happened. Be truthful to yourself as those of us that seek utter control also punish ourselves when bad things happen because they were in “control” and made bad choices. Well that’s a lie, because you can’t control the world just you, so forgive yourself for what you think you may have done and let it go.
  9. Talk to a therapist. Learn to ask for help. Get a new perspective.

Life is not fair but it is beautiful and wondrous, when you change the lenses you have been looking at it from.

Be powerful by always wanting to learn who you are, questioning your motives and intentions, and move forward always.

Happy Holiday my Darlings! Have a safe and beautiful Christmas.

~The Lesbian Guru 

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on or  

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