Kinky sex with cloefaye: Having "the talk"

cleofaye's picture

If you’re in a long term relationship, it’s kind of inevitable, or at least, it should be. “The talk.” No, not the marriage talk, no, not the “where is this going?” talk, the “honey… what are your most wild fantasies?” talk. It’s probably one of the most important conversations a couple can have, and it signifies a trusting, honest, and communicative relationship.

There are a number of reasons you should talk about your fantasies with your partner.

1. It shows an openness and vulnerability with your partner. Of course with that said, if you don’t trust your partner to be open and nonjudgmental, don’t have the talk, and frankly, why are you with them in the first place? It shows that you trust your partner and want to include them in a part of your life that you don’t normally share. It also allows you to show your partner that you care about their needs and that you won’t be offended, make fun of, or judge what they tell you.

2. Exploring your kinky side is good for you. It can teach you things about yourself that you didn’t realize, and it’s fun. Trying something new for the both of you can cement the bond between you and your partner, especially if you’re both having fun, and open about your expectations and experience. Also, if one of you has considerably more experience then the other, venturing into a new kink can make the less experienced feel like the playing field is more level.

3. Finding out about your partner’s fantasies gives you some insight into their personality. If your partner wants to be tied up and spanked, they are probably feeling like they constantly have to be in control or feel a lot of pressure in their daily life. Use that and give them a day where you’ve planned all the activities or taken care of everything that needs to get done. If they have always had a thing for the hot librarian, wear your glasses and your hair up in a bun one day, you’ll probably get a compliment or two. Just think about what these fantasies are about. Does your partner want to give up control? Does she feel like she hasn’t sown her “wild oats? Think about what this means in general and it could allow you to understand your daily interactions better.

Before you have the talk, you should prepare yourself. First, think about yourself. What is it that you want? What is it that you think about when you masturbate? Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but have been too shy to ask for? Now’s the time to decide what your fantasies are and how committed you are to making each of them a reality. Also, prepare yourself for what your partner might tell you. Sure, most people are going to be predictable, some light bondage, public sex, or spanking, but there is the possibility that they’re into scat play or are a furry. Know your limits, but don’t judge if your partner’s fantasies are beyond them.

So you’ve done it, you shared, you blushed, you laughed… now what? Well that depends on you. Are these fantasies doable? If he want public sex, and it seems interesting, try a quick tryst in a public bathroom. If she requests spanking, bend her over your knee and go for it. If the kinks your partner expressed are too much for you to try, but are something that doesn’t disgust you, try incorporating the fantasy into sex play. Try watching water sports porn with your partner, or bring their threesome fantasy into your dirty talk. However, if the kink is both something you don’t want to do and don’t want to think about, you’re going to need to sit down and have a serious talk with your partner. It may be something they’ve just thought about and are fine never mentioning it again. If it’s not, the two of you can brainstorm about both why your partner is into the kink and why it bothers you so much. See if you can find some compromises or at least understanding and respect for each other’s positions. Finally, if their kink is something illegal and/or disturbing (pedophilia, necrophilia, something like that) suggest that person see an experienced therapist and decide for yourself if you want to stay with them.

But do it! Have the talk, you might be surprised to find your partner’s fantasies mesh with yours well, and even if they don’t you’ll learn something about each other and will have plenty to keep your sex life interesting.

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cleofaye's picture

Forgot to add... cross posted at www.cuntlove.wordpress.com

I am delighted to see you posting at cuntlove

arvan's picture

Two of my favorite minds...working together?  WIN. 

This particular post is one of your finest.  You drew up great perspective and some clear examples of the impact that communication can have in a relationship - not only for sex.

Thanks for being in this space and I am always engaged by your thoughts.

-arvan

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