The L in Love vs. Lust in Lesbian Relationships
I am obsessed, crazy and infatuated right now! I can barely think of how to put on my clothes the correct way. I am forgetting to eat and sleep is completely irrelevant when you are on my mind, devouring my every thought.
My stomach is in knots and I know I have checked my phone to see if your name is on the screen a thousand times this last hour. Seconds feel like minutes and hours feel like a slow death when I have had no contact with you.
You mention another woman’s name and the killer in me comes out, wanting to wrap you in an invisible cloak so no one steals you away from me. You’ve changed me, moved me to where all I want is to melt inside of you. I want to be part of you, to feel every ounce of what makes me crazy.
When lust sneaks into our soul a whirlwind of sexual energy begins to build, often it confuses its host and leaves a path of destruction soon forgotten. Some of my worst decisions and financial burdens have come from lusting in those initial months of a new relationship.
In my manic infatuation I have spent money I didn’t have and been drawn into a coma that last more hours then I have slept thinking of every curve on her body. I have become lost in how her clothes fall off her when I pull them apart, the taste of her lips against mine, the smell of her skin, the heat of her breath that flushes my skin and how when I am naked against her body I soften into her and want to be lost forever.
What a feeling? Completely overwhelming and addicting, people can make us crazy and behave like animals that are caged, wanting to escape. But is it healthy? And is it love or lust?
It is so easy to confuse the two, and often we do not realize how much we have allowed our lives to become unmanageable from our pretty distraction, so maybe some clarification would help! If we look at the breakdown of the emotional monster, lust tends to be selfish, dominating, self-focused, an intense sexual desire, a physical attraction and we may even feel that our love-drug is a cure to all our problems and unhappiness.
When we are lusting we put a lot aside in order to keep that passion bottled up within us. You are not crazy if you have ever felt like you are riding an endless roller-coaster of mostly highs. Your producing a chemical called dopamine and it’s in full bloom in our brain, it’s a feel-good chemical and has a lot to do with sleep and appetite, hence why those two are often affected.
Unfortunately it’s this insanity that leads to pain; the distraction pulls our eyes off all the red flags and forgives actions that we would lock away our best friends for allowing to happen to them if the roles were reversed. The foolish optimism leads us to situations that could be dangerous and life altering. But it feels so good!
I am not trying to imply that we should avoid lust at all cost like a drug dealer on the street, but sometimes if you know something you will think a little longer and act a little slower. Although some might disagree, I do believe that lust can turn into love, and sometimes if you are lucky and with the right person a wonderful and healthy love can develop.
A “perfect” love is where you are both working to keep the passion and are involved in each other, not just the immediate gratification (although I am not giving up the immediate gratification I get from ripping your clothes off and throwing you on the bed, sorry that stays.)
This kind of love is where you find your souls connecting and are able to share and communicate differences as individuals and not as a maladaptive unit. There are no expectations but respect and a need to grow to be a better person. The act of sex is not just a desire that needs to be met but the art of expressing the tender warmth and passion that exits in your relationship. Expressing love should be through communication, compassion, intimacy and loyalty.
You will know true love and not lust, when your not only attracted to every movement she makes like a beautiful dance but when you are emotionally and intellectually compatible as well. She can make you laugh, think, and challenges you to grow on your own path and you respect her with the same love back.
I am feeling hopeful so I will leave you with that, good luck and be great explorers of love my Darlings!
~The Lesbian Guru
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