Leviticans Blow It - The Vuvuzela, Twilight and Star Wars Fiasco

Christina Engela's picture

Is the vuvuzela an instrument of the anti-christ? Many people might think so, but most probably just at around 4am during the World Cup. Some however seem intent on taking this pet hate beyond a joke and dragging the idea down a few levels - folks like these, who even compiled a study on the issue. Yes, they actually went into a detailed analysis of the various kinds of animal horns from biblical times and proceeded to defame the harmless looking plastic sports fan accessory (rapidly becoming the infamous new "cultural weapon" of South Africans - and even human rights activists and protesters overseas). SA Rugby bosses (and even New Zealand) have already banned it (but probably not on religious grounds). Pretty soon, the Pentagon will probably label the vuvuzela a "weapon of mass destruction" and set about formulating plans to invade South Africa to destroy this terrorist threat to world peace. LOL, as they say in web-speak.

Honestly, you have to wonder at the level of paranoia and wilful ignorance prevalent in certain circles. The things some people in leadership positions and positions of influence will believe, and promote as "true and factual" - and the people who will summarily believe anything these people will dish up for them as "gospel truth", without bothering to check up on the credibility of either the source or the information - is simply mind-boggling.

So, the vuvuzela - a plastic mass-produced trumpet used by sports fans - is an instrument of Satan. Well, maybe - but I think Seth Blatter might object to being called Satan (some people have already compared Uncle Seth to Darth Vader, just more evil - so don't tempt me on this one). Actually, the thought has crossed my mind (albeit in one of those weird moments when I wonder where the coffee went) that perhaps this is some sort of clever Levitican marketing ploy to sell some new version of the vuvu, utilizing a cunning form of name-dropping to blend bits of Star Wars, Twilight and FIFA? What would it be called? A Vaderzela? A Vuvufang? A Seth-o-phone? What would it sound like? What would it look like? And, most importantly, would it sparkle?

But wait, there's more - the very same people at Kanaan Ministries (the group that brought you the study on the vuvuzela as Satan's trumpet, and which believes homosexuality is sinful and that gay people are demon-possessed, and promotes pray-away-the-gay "therapy"), have even produced a SERIOUS study on the Twilight movies and books by Stephanie Meyer to warn of the dangers of vampirism - and BEIN they actually believe in vampires! Not the completely fictional sort (like you would find in the Anne Rice novels) you understand - but the Don Henrie sort that live the lifestyle, wear stylish clothes, paint their fingernails black, and sip on a chalice of willingly donated blood now and then. And, in case you didn't know it, the central focus of the Goth and Emo sub-cultures is devil-worship and self-mutilation. Apparently they are all after our children too, they have been for years (but what's even scarier to me is - so are the Leviticans).

Religious advertising in any form whatever = evangelism, making me wonder who exactly is after who - and while these folks are decidedly paranoid, are we paranoid enough when it comes to dealing with them?

It seems that anything which is not based upon a central message of religious fervor, puritanical belief, or intolerance of some or other minority, is viewed as a threat and immediately connected to Satanism, witchcraft and whimsical threats to civilization. It reminds me of the father of the main character in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", who displayed an uncanny knack to connect (or manufacture) the "real Greek roots" of any and every word in modern English (he also found the most amazing uses for Windex, but that's going a little off-topic).

I heard on the radio news this morning that Uncle Bob (from Zim-BOB-we) has banned the Twilight movie because of Jacob's topless cavorting - and also banned gay rights from being included in the country's new constitution - but I'm not sure how true that is. The Twilight part, that is. I'm pretty sure it is, because we know how concerned Uncle Bob is about the morality of his citizens, which apparently is far more important than actually feeding them.

Oh, and in case you weren't aware of it, another of their studies focuses on the Star Wars movies as a secret plot by Wiccans to introduce witchcraft to children in a way that will entrap them into a life of devil-worship. Scary stuff, if you happen to have a low enough IQ to take any of this crap seriously.

It's amazing how only three items can define the image or presentation of a group or the religion it represents, isn't it? Suddenly, everything surrounding Star Wars, fictional vampires (I loved Brad Pitt in Interview btw), and the deceptively innocent looking vuvuzela - seem somehow dirty. Honestly, I am genuinely surprised (if not a little disappointed) to not have seen "serious academic research papers" on their site about Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga or Adam Lambert, to mention but a few. Oddly enough, I saw no attempts at addressing real-life problems such as global warming, government corruption, homophobia, consumer-terrorism by Eskom or ways to address the high crime rate in South Africa - but then, these groups rarely concern themselves with reality.

It is articles such as these which make me realize that it is no big mystery why such radical, narrow-minded, conservative and even extremist groups aren't taken seriously by the world in general. They belong in the same category as the aliens in Area 51 - just in off a flying saucer. Thing is, while normal, rational people at large do not take them seriously, these people are nonetheless weaseling their way into positions of influence and even government in order to find ways to make the rest of us "see the light" - and that is the part I find unsettling, if not a little frightening.

If you want to see something really scary though, you should mosey on over to the Christian Action Network website and browse through their newsletters, posts and other articles on how they view the current status quo in South Africa. You will see everything from the "homosexual agenda", to the latest news from the Gun Owners Association, to rants about "the Islamist threat", fictional works on "the persecuted church" and interesting new ideas such as "christophobia" and "homosexualism". The Family Policy Institute would be another stop on the tour of the asylum - but not too near bed time, mind - or you could have nightmares that might make even your Goth kids cry - and don't tell them you support democracy or secularism, or they might not let you out again.

If you do read these documents on the Kanaan site, which are presented as actual serious research - stuff that some churches and religious figures will construct very serious sermons around - I'm sure you will notice how clear it is they see monsters, threats to themselves and their fragile sense of reality, faith - and evil lurking in every shadow.

Wow - it must be hell to be a paranoid Levitican in today's world - LOL... or a vampire, or worse, a gay Wiccan vampire.
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