Misconceptions about Swinging and Swingers

ChantelleAustin's picture

1. Just because they swing, doesn't mean they'll have sex with just anyone or everyone. I've personally found this, men automatically think that because we swing that I'm available and somehow want them, so they hit on me. If they thought I was married and unavailable they'd treat me with respect. Many swingers are no more “easy” than the average person, some are, some aren't, but it's not a given.

2. Just because they engage in swinging, doesn't mean they are nymphomaniacs. They aren't out there looking for their next fix to throw down on a bed and take willing advantage of. It's like when some guys find out a woman is a prostitute, they automatically treat them like a slut and assume they'll have sex with anyone or suck their cocks on demand... oh, and love it! Not the case... Yes, they like sex, but not just with anyone.

3. Just because they swing, doesn't mean they are both free to sleep with people on their own. The female counterpart of a swinging couple often gets asked by guys when he can have her on her own. One of the quickest ways to get stuck off the “potential” list. Respect the relationship and the people in it, it's a privilege to be invited to participate.

4. Just because they flirt a little, doesn't mean they are totally into you and can't wait to rip your clothes off... Swingers tend to be a little more flirtatious and free spirited, that doesn't mean they are ready to jump you at the next opportunity.

5. Just because they swing, doesn't mean they are into anal, kinky sex, BDSM or fetishes. Granted, some are, but it' s not a given. Some women aren't even into anal (I certainly wasn't in the beginning), some couples don't swap for intercourse, some only have sex in the same room as another couple (it's soft swinging). Whips and chains are not always used, people aren't always dressed in leather or latex and a DP (double penetration) isn't as common as the missionary is amongst traditional couples. Seriously, it's not :)

6. Swinging isn't a big wild orgy every time. Sometimes it's just an extra person and it's quite tame. Although my version of tame versus your version could be a little different... Either way, it's not always as wild as some people think with the “money shots” going off in all directions, masses of naked bodies all writhing together in one big hot and heavy sexual pleasure pot... by the pool or in the grotto :P

7. Swinging isn't a bowl in the centre of the room where people throw their keys and then just pick out someone for the night... Ewww, you never know who you might end up with! Hell no! Swingers generally pick their sexual partners, get to know them a little, have some sort of attraction between them before leading them to the bedroom or other place of choice for some hot passionate... well you know what I mean :)

Swingers are selective, yes they have sex with extra people outside of their marriage but people they are attracted to, not just any Tom, Dick and Harry. In most cases they swing together, not alone so it's inappropriate to assume that as a single person, you get the same privilege as you would is they were single.

The only thing you can be sure of is that swingers in general are happier in their relationships, are more adventurous than most, are willing to explore sex and their sexuality and enjoy sex with their partners as well as other people's partners if the mood is right :)

...and that's just what I think :o)

(Taken from Chantelle's Diary at http://www.chantelleaustin.com)

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thanks for clearing the air!

arvan's picture

I see a need to not only speak openly about sex, but also a matching need to listen without demand.  There is a difference between me speaking about my sexuality and me telling someone to fuck me. 

Unfortunately, in our society, with all the taboos preventing open dialogue, many people are not well-versed in listening without injecting their desire.  It does take time and exposure to these conversations for this to occur.

It is also a function of men, to not barge in with their cocks, libidos and muscles as fuck-bullies into the space of every woman that talks about sex. 

Thanks again for a wonderful contribution to the site!

-arvan

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