My Sexuality is my SACRED PLACE
I must admit to a certain amount of perhaps not-so-blissful ignorance about world issues. For a number of years now, I have made a conscious choice to not spend time reading the paper or watching the news, although I spend enough time on the Internet to not be able to ignore the major headlines and happenings. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that I find it overwhelmingly negative and I’ve chosen to spend more time “going within” that “looking out”.
I really believe that “going within” has helped me find peace on a large number of issues. Alot of reading about different spiritual forms, practices and beliefs pushed me to specifically seek out writings and teachings on the spiritual aspect of sexuality, which have often been mutually exclusive concepts. Just as I believe everyone has to explore and experiment to find what works best for them sexually, so must we seek to discover our own spiritual beliefs… if we feel the need to do that… not everyone does.
Putting them together helped me to clear away alot of the guilt and shame I guess I inherited about sexuality, because my parents were never unsupportive or disapproving so the discomforts I felt didn’t seem to be handed down directly, rather through some kind of intergenerational osmosis.
So without really knowing the statistics on rape, spousal abuse, forced prostitution, clitoral circumcision or other distasteful things that are done to the body, and in particular to the female body, I do know that we are very fortunate to have the sexual freedom we do, since in North America and Europe, sexual acceptation, communication and tolerance has come a long way over the past few decades. When I think of all of the suffering that women go through in countries where their sexuality is controlled, stifled, forced, or stolen, I realize how much I take this freedom for granted.
Part of my spiritual beliefs are that we are all equal and connected, so although I don’t follow economic issues or politics in other countries, I feel profoundly related to the human aspects of other peoples experiences. I remember once lying on my back as Darren lovingly kissed and teased my clitoris and I gratefully received his full attention by experiencing orgasm after orgasm, and suddenly my mind drifted off to those women in other countries who are sexually mutilated or abused or otherwise unable to know the tender attentions of a respectful man. I felt a great sadness move through me, and Darren stopped and asked where I was. When I told him, he shared that he’d often had the same thoughts as he kissed me tenderly between my legs.
He’s helped me learn to love my body. I am alone with myself alot more that I am with him or with anyone else in my life, and I am slowly learning to give myself the same kind of tender attention, respect and consideration. As I get older, I’m taking this body less for granted and starting to appreciate the fragile miracle that it is. For me, the biggest challenge is to feed it gently, since my insecurity has so often pushed me to compensate with food that the mind may find exciting, but isn’t always best for my body.
If I had grown up perfectly content with my body and my sexuality I wouldn’t have needed to draw or write about it so much. But doing just that has made me appreciate this very deep, intimate part of my life as something really beautiful, not only with a partner, but also with myself.