Navigating the Minefield of Sex, Body & Gender

A friend of mine asked me today to write a more in depth blog post about pubic hair: how people groom, shave and wax, do girls do it more than guys and stuff like that. I figured I should poll some friends and ask them if they 1. altered their pubic hair and 2. what methods they use. Perhaps I over stepped some boundaries when I sent quite a few people the following facebook message:

"Hey,
I’m doing a very informal poll for an article I’m writing on pubic hair and it would be very helpful if you could answer these questions for me.

Do you alter your pubic hair on a regular basis?
If yes, do you trim, shave, wax, etc?
Olga"

Most people responded with very short answers that contained a yes, or a no, and the method used. One friend sent me a fabulous account of all the changes this habit has undertaken in her life and another asked whether it was confidential and suggested I might be more forthcoming with details in further messages. I agree, I didn’t really put much thought into my email, and I have to admit I pretty much copied and pasted the first message I sent out, which happened to be to a friend who wouldn’t be bothered by the directness of my approach and would automatically know it was for this blog.

I’m lazy. It was taking much too long to individually message everyone with a personalized message, although I’m glad I didn’t send out a mass email, I’m sure the responses wouldn’t have been so forthcoming in that case and I might have had a few people upset with me. It has come to my attention, as of late, that I’m a very direct person and I generally dislike having to explain or justify myself. Trust me, when I say that this doesn’t always make everyone happy, but for some reason I continue to take it for granted that I don’t have to explain or justify myself.

I discovered a number of things while going through my list of friends and picking out the ones who would be graced with my invasive questioning 1. there are some people whose grooming habits I just don’t want to know about, ever! 2. I need more friends or I’m going to have to start polling strangers on the street and 3. I thought girls would be more forthcoming with their answers, but I was wrong.

This is indeed a “vaginocentric” blog and I understand that the way in which I approach this subject, “in such direct and carnal terms”,  is not every one’s cup of tea. One of the things I have struggled with while writing this blog, is the fine line between talking about sexuality (especially in a feminist context) and making assumption about gender in the process, which is something I would like to avoid, “since there are of course a large number of things beyond sexuality that determine femininity, feminism, and gender”.  I just haven’t quite figured how to do that yet.

It is very difficult terrain to navigate. Most of my posts contain a fair amount of let’s say, a confessional style of writing, which in-of-itself is full of assumptions and can’t always be all inclusive no matter how hard I try, since I cannot negate the reality of who I am. Let me tell you, that when addressing all the subjects that I have been writing about, I become very aware of the minefield that is language. I identify as a woman, and I have a cunt, which I associate with my identity, but it is very difficult to express that in way that is not alienating to people and/or women who don’t have one, because everyone has a right to that identity. I mean, right there, was that something very insensitive to say? I don’t know and the use of this kind of language is something that concerns me. What is the best way to approach the subject of sex, body, and gender? Is there one or do we need to create a new language?

Crossposted from Cuntlove.