Women and orgasms haven’t always been synonymous with sex. Tons of studies released have shown that the majority of sexually active women do NOT regularly have an orgasm. This is astonishing to me. How is this possible? Well, first, it’s not necessary in procreation that women have an orgasm. Secondly, one doesn’t achieve an orgasm simply by penetration as many sources contend (romance novels love to portray a woman’s climax from penetration only).
My purpose in writing this post isn’t to instruct in some detached clinical sense, how a women can achieve an orgasm (I mean seriously, buy a vibrator already). I am attempting to refute the recent notion presented in several different articles, that the orgasm isn’t necessary to good sex and that an orgasm is actually unhealthy. I also contend that the notion that sex(the great kind WITHOUT an orgasm) should always lead to a close, long-lasting, heteronormative relationship is harmful to women specifically, as they are encouraged to forgo their own pleasure in lieu of some far-fetched hope for a serious relationship (i.e.- marriage).
I’ll start with my own greatest-orgasm-ever story. It lasted almost a full minute. Never has that happened before. After a drawn out session, which included various positions, paces, and angles, I finally hit that climax. I couldn’t feel anything except that sensation gathering in one spot until it all shattered and I was left floating in ecstasy. I’m not kidding, it was that awesome. I’m also certain this wouldn’t happen with some random one night stand or fuck-buddy (which can end in orgasm, but nothing like this experience), and it definitely didn’t happen with my ex-husband. Did it bring me enhanced spiritual fulfillment? Um, no, but I did feel closer to my partner.
Unlike my experience however, in this article, the author opines that the reason she was having trouble finding a long lasting partner was because her sex life was of the “hit it and quit it” variety. Meaning, her partner and she would have sex simply to achieve orgasm, therefore missing all the “spiritual enlightenment” or “deeper connection” they would enjoy with a longer, tantric, type of sex which excludes orgasm. This lead, inevitably in her mind, to her inability to maintain a relationship with her partner (everyone we have sex with apparently is a potential life partner). Furthermore, this author contends in another article, that orgasms are akin to heroin use and can wreak emotional havoc for up to two weeks.
And this is why we should be having long lasting, orgasm-less sex within a deeply committed relationship. Because we will have heroin like effects otherwise and won’t achieve higher spiritual fulfillment. Basically, find a husband, have hot sex, but don’t get yours, because god-forbid, you’ll ruin all the soul connecting you could be doing and then you will get a divorce and ruin your children’s lives and contribute to abortions and murder people and the crime rate will sky rocket and then some Arab will build nuclear bombs to target innocent non-orgasm having, god fearing, happily married, heteronormative, people. (Deep breath)
The author should look beyond sex as to the reason why her relationships, or one night stands, aren’t working out. Perhaps she’s a presumptuous bitch? It seems that if she was looking for more in her relationships with men, the good sex came when she found someone she had a great connection with.
I for one will be having an orgasm. If I don’t get mine I’ll not enjoy sex, which means spiritual enlightenment or not, I’m won't be totally happy. Of course, everyone will have to make that decision for them self. To state that women shouldn’t have an orgasm because it causes negative health affects and prevents one from having a long term relationship, is no different than Cosmopolitan telling women how to “please and keep a man” , in suggesting that our actions shouldn’t be for our self and our pleasure, but for a man, and a man’s pleasure.