In Praise of Bi Men

rabbitwhite's picture

So, I have a type. This little fetish goes beyond skin color, build or even shoes (it goes without saying that my type have impeccable taste in footwear.) The guys that get me every time are bisexual. Growing up my main crushes were: Prince, David Bowie, Tupac and Connor Oberst. I’m not saying that Tupac was bi…but I am making a mental note. Not every guy that I have dated identified as bisexual, but most all of them were a little femme-y, admittedly bi-curious and definitely leaned toward half fag.

While it is becoming more acceptable for guy’s to take on more feminine roles, you know like having emotions and up keeping basic grooming and hygiene, there is something more inherently effeminate and dandy in the bisexual guys I’ve known. It was something in their personalities that attracted me to them, something softer about them, something that felt magnetic and inviting. There is a sexual aspect to it but being around them also felt comfortable, easy.

Perhaps what draws me to these men is what we have in common:  I also identify as bisexual. There have been conflicting studies about whether or not the GLBT & Q’s have experienced more child abuse than the straights. There have been some recent studies showing that bisexual men are more likely to have an eating disorder than straight men and in turn perhaps experienced more significant child abuse. For me it makes sense that I would be attracted to someone with a similar childhood to mine, it helps normalize it and goes along with the idea of like-self esteem being attracted to like self-esteem.

Perhaps more interesting is what my attraction to bisexuals says about my own parent’s sexuality. In a recent videocast Ned and I discussed how as humans we unconsciously search for mates to fill the role of our opposite sex parent, looking for someone that most reminds you of that parent. So if my type is bisexual…what does that say about my own Father? It’s almost too creepy a subject for me to get into, but I can’t help remember my Mother marveling at how she’d find him in the kitchen at parties, feeling much more comfortable getting chatty with the women than talkin’ with the guys. Also a questionable (and inappropriate)  story he once told me comes to mind about how he briefly lived with a couple out west when he was young…the couple only had one bed which they happily shared.

Regardless of what is going on unconsciously, I do admire bisexual men. It takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to probe the fact that you might be bisexual and much more to come out. Because they are willing to explore this part of themselves it makes me think that bi-guys are more open in general, more curious and intelligent, which to me is endlessly sexy. A study conducted a few years ago about male sexuality by Gerulf Rieger at Northwestern University  led to the media to make brash headlines like “Does Bisexuality really Exist?”  What was found in the controversial study was that bisexuality in men is not biological but cerebral. To me this only backs up the idea that they are more self aware, curious and that bisexuality is something that spreads into the personality.

So this is the part where I out my husband — sorry, Ned. We have a bi-bi marriage and while I hate to burst whatever fantasies that may bring of us swinging in seedy suburban hotel rooms, we are monogamous. As far as bisexuality goes in the relationship, we can check people out together, talk openly about what actors and actresses we find hot, and are possibly more open to new and exciting things in the bedroom than a straight-straight couple. Where I think it does actually come more into play is in our interactions and how we fit together. The fact that he can be more feminine and I can be more masculine creates a natural flow in our relationship.

Just for fun, a list of men that are supposedly bisexual thanks to Wikipedia and a few other sites:

  • Billie Joe Armstrong
  • Marlon Brando
  • Kurt Cobain
  • Dave Navarro
  • Alan Cumming
  • Mick Jagger
  • Sammy Davis Jr.
  • Andy Dick
  • Michael Alig – party promoter/club kid/murderer
  • Calvin Klein
  • Brian Molko – Placebo
  • Lou Reed
  • James Dean
  • Patrick Wolf
  • Pete Shelley The Buzzcocks
  • Rozz Williams Christian Death
  • Pete Townshend
  • Brett Easton Ellis -Writer: Less than Zero, American Psycho
  • Tom Ford- Designer, Gucci

Of course there are numerous rumored bi’s that didn’t make the list (Leo Dicaprio, Sean Combs) so feel free to add speculations in the comments (we have our own favorites we enjoy speculating about) :)

Being bisexual and male is a difficult sexuality identity, but I think it is important on the landscape of sexuality. Bisexuality in guys opens up new ways of experiencing masculinity, I think bisexual guys have a larger range of personality and sexuality that accentuates both the feminine and the masculine. I really admire those men that are out and open to talking about their sexuality; they are doing a lot of good not only for themselves but for everyone’s understanding of masculinity and sexuality.

http://rabbitwrite.com

Please feel free to also comment on this article at http://rabbitwrite.com/in-praise-of-bisexual-men/ 'cuz your comments make me smile.

 

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rabbit, I love where you're writing from

arvan's picture

This is a lovely read.  Thoughtful, balanced and a great contribution to the conversations about sex, gender, body.  You have a real talent for removing the distance between yourself and the reader.

keep it up.

-arvan

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