scared sex, scarred sex, SACRED sex

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4smcropI’m not sure that anyone just bounces into relationships easily, clearly and “successfully” right off the bat, or the second time around or ever. Just like we don’t have a clue what being a parent really is – as much of a joy it can be – it’s easy to panic at night when we’re all alone with a child who has thrown up twice all over themselves and their bedsheets and we just want to cry out for someone else to help us out! All this to say that relationships, whether they be friendships, partnerships or sexual commitments, take time to develop, to grow, to shape themselves into something satisfying for everyone involved.

It seems like we’re here to grow and learn, not necessarily to perform and succeed, although these things may be a part of our experience. The one-dimensional focus on outside appearances by the media make life seem so meaningless and shallow. I think we can make anything as deep and as sacred as we want it to be, just by the way we look at it.

Sex can be a very scary proposition for anyone… getting naked and vulnerable, looking someone straight in the eyes, touching, and eventually even penetrating another human creature unknown to us. And we all come into that with our fears, our scars, our desires, our emotions, our expectations, our guilt and our shame, unless we don’t have any of those. No wonder it’s a game some people choose simply not to play! And others seem able to just dive in fearlessly with their eyes closed, absorb all the pleasure, and not worry about the rest. And in between there are a million different manifestations of the many wounds we humans have inflicted on each other in this area; abuse, mistrust, possessivity, jealously, violence… sigh…

I once read on the back of a massage book (for babies I think!) a quote by a guru who I unfortunately can’t name right yet… but it totally summed it up for me. The way I understood it was like this:  when you touch, BECOME the touch, when you love, BE the love, when you connect with this other body, BE completely there, in that connection.

That’s what makes sex sacred. That’s what makes life sacred! Being 100% present in whatever you’re doing at the time, because you’re there, because you’re doing only that, because that moment is all there is. Eckhart Tolle; The Power of Now, anyone? Sometimes nature, children, ladybugs and sunsets manage to overwhelm the rest of our thoughts and preoccupations long enough to drag us deep into a moment. But intimacy with another person can do that too… if we can let go of last week’s gripes, of what’s going to happen tomorrow, of what other people would think if they knew we’d tried THAT together! This means diving deep into our desires, but also into our fears. And feeling things fully. And then letting them go and moving on to the next moment to be equally as present.

That’s when souls touch. That’s when God is in the room. Because Love is in the room. There doesn’t have to be “sex” for this to happen, but the point is that it can happen through sex. No matter how much we talk about safe sex, sexual liberation, body freedom, polyamory or abstinence or sinning or adultery or morals or lack of morals incased in the many institutions we have made for ourselves, in the end, I think we live best, happiest and longest when we let our souls touch. When we allow ourselves to be so present and so vulnerable that we can touch the moment deeply without judging it, without planning it or analyzing it. Of course that’s much too scary for most of us alot of the time, depending on our individual wounds and scars. But living deeply is infinitely more satisfying than just looking good on the outside

(Posted at Victoria's Sex Blog)

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